Attitudes - Physical Vs Mental Illness

[Carol H]

Found my post somewhere else on the website. Not sure what I did but I was on my iPhone in sunlight so who knows?

DX: PTSD, severe Depressive disorder, synthetic drug addiction, synthetic drug psychotic disorder (psychotic break from fake weed). He was only there 3 days over the weekend. He's still (or was at last communication) able to control his conversation with authority figures so his other persona doesn't show. I'm thinking maybe schizophrenic w multiple personality or at least bipolar.

 

[shimmerz]

Lots to take in here. I am not sure why but somehow I lost this thread. I must have missed a posting. Anyways, here I am back again and I see that I have missed a lot of kindness, compassion and support. Thank you all so much. I don't know if I will be able to tag people as I get confused with a bunch of information at one time but will do my best to give proper credit and my thoughts.

Don't be fooled that just because they sound caring that that's all they feel/think.

Yes, this is something I think about and, I believe, for very good reason given the past.

They were talking about her, and they let her know by "triangular" phone calling.

Jeeeeesus. I didn't have a word for this, but yes. Triangular calling is the truth. I keep saying I am tired of people 'talking around me'. It is confusing to me. Broken telephone all over the place. Sometimes I hear what I think to be caring and kindness and other times I hear something else. A for instance....So Cal guy tells me I am not coming back - leaving me destitute. Oldest son tells youngest son that I just 'gave up'. This is a hot phrase that I know comes from their father. He used that term over and over again because I left him. I know this is something that has been implanted in them as being a core 'piece' of me (to the kids) even though there is data that screams that I am not a 'quitter'. There is a psychopathic father there and the children have a vested interest (father supports them even though they are all 30+ years old), in following his lead. It is part of the deal. So no, I am not safe in that way. Thank you for the warning Muse. It has helped me.

I support her

I so very much appreciate that Muse. Thank you so much for having my 6 (???). Lord knows, I could use it right now. :hug::hug:

personal contention and misinformation for the public which might otherwise encourage a silent choice to watch proceedings of DV, child abuse (or any form of abuse) without intervention by utilizing the properly put in place authorities within the US.

Yes, or any other country for that matter. A system that let me down and set me up terribly for failure. This is a hot spot for me as well. I do not stand by and watch others being beaten down, nor do I expect my children to. They are, of course, old enough to make their own choices.

When people try to get better we should always help to the extent that we safely can.

I am not certain that I am even looking at help. Some form of support would have been good though. An occasional phone call, a 'hey Mom, I hope you are okay', an.....anything. But it is not specifically my sons I am speaking of here but instead, people in general who know....that life is hell - not because i am blind, or in a wheelchair or have a problem with my pancreas but someone who obviously had been pushed over the edge by a horrifying divorce ... I don't think it is a far stretch to offer a kind voice.

I wonder if it would be different if there was a big campaign done to increase the profile and raise money to fund research into mental illness.

They do that. They talk about the mayhem and murders that 'mentally ill' people cause in society. Talk about how vets are unstable and guns should be taken away. There is an attitude out there (imho) that the mentally ill are the bane of society. Not really deserving of 'help' or 'compassion' because somehow we would retaliate for such in a violent manner. It makes me very sad.

"But the isolation is because of choices they've made,"

My girlfriend said this to me on the way to Cali. Something about homeless people having made bad choices in life. I almost left her alone in Yuma. I was infuriated. And I wasn't homeless at the time. I just feel like it is complete ignorance. I told her most people are less than 3 months to homelessness. I lasted 3 years on my savings on top of a ridiculous amount in lawyers fees. Bite.me. Sorry, rant over.

begging for love from other's when you don't love yourself.

I gave up begging long ago. ;-) But yes, I did this at one time too.

I have turned down people who have the 'poor pitiful me" attitude,

I am not certain that I attempt to project a poor pitiful me attitude but certainly my life is in a shambles. I had just dug myself out of one hole and then slid into the crater beside it. That is obvious to everyone who knows me, so I don't need to go for the pity, even if I felt like it. It is just a stupidly pitiful position I am in and everyone knows it without my having to say a word. :blackeye: But why care now when nobody cared before. That is what is bugging me. It doesn't make sense to me.

Have you a diagnosis?

Tuesday I should know more Muse. Thank you for your concern. I will post what is going on when I find out.

"Normal" people can't see all the efforts is takes to even achieve a normal life. They don't want to see it,

Yes, I agree. And the kids are being fed (I know this), you don't want to be 'crazy like your mother' stuff, so that is adding to their fear of what the hell is going on with me. They are being told how to be 'good sons' by psychopath father. And when they attempt to 'fix it' and I don't listen I get a 'you never listen to what I am saying'. Another hot spot from my marriage with their father. *heavy sigh* How to try to live in the future when people keep pulling me into a 25 year old fight that they were too young to even remember. :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

It is impossible if we don't try. And a lot of people don't try. I think that is kind of cowardly, but...

Yes, I agree with this strongly.

but much more like a form of schizophrenia.

Completely agree with this. Carol H, I am so sorry for the suffering you must be experiencing right now.

Sorry for the long posting. I so appreciate all of your input.

 

[joeylittle]

@Carol H, you posted on @Junebug's profile page instead of the thread, somehow. Glad you found your way back!

Your son needs serious help - I'm not saying you aren't aware of that, just that psychosis is dangerous, and should (generally) be considered the primary symptom until such time as it is fully addressed.

A TBI can act in various ways - so that's a solid medical thing that needs to be re-investigated, if at all possible.

The psychotic break caused by the synthetic THC could really be an ongoing condition if he is still using. Those synthetics are barely understood and really dangerous. (I'm assuming he was using something like Spice?)

If he is still using, he needs to be gotten into detox and really, no other diagnosis can be done until his system is cleared and stays that way. If he has symptoms of psychosis that persist beyond that, then you are looking at any one of a handful of disorders.

I guess, I just want to emphasize that your son is in the really tricky part where there is too much going on to actually diagnose him correctly. It sounds, though, like he needs intervention and possibly an inpatient stay lasting longer than 3 days. Does he have anyone in his life that he interacts with regularly and trusts, someone you could talk with and perhaps share your fears with? I know he's angry you had him picked up once - but if he really has persistent psychosis, he isn't safe on his own.

 

[sun seeker]

I am not certain that I attempt to project a poor pitiful me attitude

You most definitely don't. I have to run in a few minutes, but if I could respond to just one thing from your post, it would be that.

 

[Carol H]

I don't think he trusts anyone anymore. It might have been his ex girlfriend but he got hold of my phone and read some texts between us that probably ended that.

 

[shimmerz]

Jeeez, what a horribly painful thing this must be for you Carol H. I can't even imagine.

 

[Carol H]

It's pretty horrible. Especially for his little boy and on the level where I think he still resides and understands. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to respond cognitively to authority figures. I'm afraid that if we do force the custody issue, he will lose all will to stay in this world and do something desperate. But we are going to have to do it and quit fooling ourselves about it.

 

[Carol H]

Thanks, y'all. I think I may have inadvertently hijacked this thread and if so, I apologize. No disrespect was meant. Best wishes to all.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Its sad when you learn these lessons at such a young age.... Mental pain = no help, Physical pain = immediate help. I don't think society is going to change anytime soon.

 

[moonbeam]

If anything, they didn't understand the concept of thinking 10 steps ahead (which I'm sort of famous for) in that their minds thought "mental pain.....eliminate it with physical pain" (and the unevolved thought process ended there).....whereas my mind went something more like "mental pain.....eliminate it with physical pain......LET EVERYONE SEE the product of the pain......pray to GOD they are concerned enough to help me so that the mental pain will stop and I won't have to hurt myself again."

Not necessarily. I don't see the point in trying to say one SI is better than another. And there is no right reason for SI. Just that I know of being in that mental state of going "mental pain.... eliminate it with physical pain... LET FAMILY SEE....GET INTO TROUBLE.... A cut is not just a cut if its self-inflicted hence they won't get help and it has to be hidden and they'll deny it like my mental health pain as me being 'dramatic'....Hurt myself because it helps.... continue hiding it so I don't get into trouble." Thats less not thinking 10 steps ahead and more that the 10 steps all suck.

Back to the original post. Its horrible they didn't speak to you in 7 years but good that they are now at least.

I think its a combination of fear and understanding. With physical pain they can understand it, empathise with it, help change bandages, know ways to help. But with mental health issues they might not understand it, be able to empathise at all, they don't know how to help. And mental health issues are scary for some people because if they knew you when you were fine and suddenly you aren't and they can't figure out why it brings up a scary feeling of what if it happens to them? For example: If Bob who has a great life, nice house, good family, everything that should make Bob happy and he suffers from depression, that Steve can't understand, than Steve might think hmm if Bob could be depressed maybe I could get depressed? Hence Steve is scared and would rather deny Bob's pain or avoid it than have to deal with the scary nature of an ailment Steve can't see or understand.

 

[shimmerz]

pray to GOD they are concerned enough to help me so that the mental pain will stop and I won't have to hurt myself again."

Jeez, I hadn't thought of this. I am not prone to SI at all, but this totally makes sense that one reflect the internal to the external so that people around them may possibly take notice. So I wonder if the extent of the SI can relate to the amount of pain felt. I mean, does someone cut deeper depending on what is going on 'in the moment'.

deny Bob's pain or avoid it than have to deal with the scary nature of an ailment Steve can't see or understand.

I suppose. Although difficult to see 'internal stuff' like pancreatitis. People are, however stating that they haven't seen me look this way before. So yes, they can 'see' externally the effects of the stuff going on inside of me.

People can see the difference between and SI wound and an internal issue that is clearly not making them well. I often wondered though, if I was only sick enough that this had not led to my hospitalization, did not have a label, and I was acting in this way without a firm label diagnosis, whether people would see this as just a way of getting attention due to the PTSD stuff.

that a physical ailment would get me the attention (read: HELP) that I needed when a mental illness would not.

I wonder how many of us suffer a true physical ailment that people go 'pfffttt' about thinking that it is just attention seeking. But really, the attention seeking (if it comes down to it), is that really a way of attempting to reflect on the outside what is going on inside that nobody wants to see?

 

[sun seeker]

I wonder how many of us suffer a true physical ailment that people go 'pfffttt' about thinking that it is just attention seeking.

I would guess a great many.

but this totally makes sense that one reflect the internal to the external so that people around them may possibly take notice.

Could be, sometimes. People don't always draw attention to SI injuries though. I think sometimes it is a way of making emotional pain physical because the physical can be easier to deal with.

But really, the attention seeking (if it comes down to it), is that really a way of attempting to reflect on the outside what is going on inside that nobody wants to see?

It can be. Also at times, there is something going on inside that we ourselves can't deal with on an emotional level, so we manifest it physically. I am sure that some of my physical issues are my body's way of distracting my attention from emotional pain that hurts a lot more, whether or not anyone sees or empathizes with the physical pain. It distracts my attention for a while.

My mother is, shall we say, somewhat emotionally stunted. She doesn't do empathy. Well, strictly speaking, she does, but only often enough to keep people confused. :confused: A while ago I was talking about this with a family therapist and she asked whether I could think of times in my childhood when she responded to me with with empathy when I was in some kind of distress. I really thought about it and felt bad that I wasn't able to come up with any examples. I went away and thought some more, and at the next session was able to tell her when my mother's empathy would come out: when I got sick. She knows what to do about physical pain, but emotional pain past a certain level is beyond her. (Here's me needing to be fair: there are exceptions to the rule. Just not very frequently.)

On another thread @KwanYingirl said that Chinese culture, mental illness is not acceptable, so people somaticize. Neither distress is more or less real, but as I see it, if there is distress it has to manifest somehow. I was just thinking today about a miscarriage I had. Besides the loss and what was going on physically, there was the added complication that my ex would not give me time to grieve and insisted I should just get on with life. I turned the grief into a migraine that lasted a week.