How Do You Define Self-harm?

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thanks, @desiderata310. I know it's just a symptom. But I keep not talking about it, and now I'm halfway through the twelve sessions, so I'm convinced that there is no point to telling now .... Since I'm almost done, I keep thinking that it's just going to complicate things beyond what I have time to resolve.

Bad attitude, I know. But how in the world can I deal with that and with everything else, too, in just six more hours with her?

I feel overwhelmed and like I'm running out if options.

 

[desiderata310]

It can't HURT to bring it up and one thing I have found is that sometimes when things come up that are unexpected, therapists can also sometimes magically find ways of making more hours appear. I'm not saying that WILL happen but you really have nothing to lose by bringing it up.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I don't think I will bring it up, for better or for worse. I don't think there is enough time to really resolve it, and I'm afraid of destabilizing myself further by trying to push myself to address it. I think its better to just let things lie at this point …. and work on working the insurance so that I can get into longer-term treatment with someone that I can trust long-term.

 

[The Albatross]

Y

...so I'm convinced that there is no point to telling now .... Since I'm almost done, I keep thinking that it's just going to complicate things beyond what I have time to resolve.

Bad attitude, I know. But how in the world can I deal with that and with everything else, too, in just six more hours with her?

I feel overwhelmed and like I'm running out if options.

If your own best thinking worked you wouldn't need therapy, number one. Catastrophizing, "How in the world can I deal with that and everything else too..." is not your friend, it is fear based thinking that keeps you from initiating change... and "just six more hours with her"? Um, are you ticking off the box or do you want improvement??

You are overwhelmed because, yeah you are running out of time. But know this, you are getting in your own way and it is impeding you're progress. You, after all opened the topic, so it's at the forefront of your conscious mind. When presented with an opportunity, it is best to deal with it. It ain't a character assassination, it's an observation. 12 sessions is not a whole lot... but rather than capitalize it... you chose otherwise. Hopefully you'll feel the need to bring it up in the rest or some sessions in the future.

Are you sick of it, no one can make it better, take control it's now or never... while there's a fighting chance... take a stand: Link Removed

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@The Albatross I appreciate the kind words. I know that I'm impeding my own progress and I know that I need to capitalize on what is left of it. I know all of that. But I think that this notion of self-protection is key right now. There are some extenuating circumstances I'm not writing here (and uncomfortable writing on a public forum) that are influencing my decision.

I had an evaluation with a different therapist yesterday, because I've been trying really obstinately with this one and there's something there that is missing in terms of me feeling trust. It was amazing how much trust I had for this new person in just the two hour evaluation - I felt like she "got it" in a way that my current therapist definitely doesn't. This meeting underscored the lack of trust and the lack of connection I feel with my current therapist, and I don't want to continue to beat my head against the wall trying to trust someone I don't think will ever really understand me: I want to run, run like hell, and figure out how to start over with someone that I can be forthcoming with. I told this new person about the self-harm, and there was no reaction. I'm not sure I'd get that with my current therapist, and the doubt to me signals a need for a change.

I'm also just terrified. Afraid to the point of paralysis. And maybe I am ticking off the boxes on the hours left with her, or maybe I'm avoiding, but either way, I feel like the increased stress is making my psyche crumble, and I have enough problems and issues with being distracted and dissociated already ….