"you Need To Stop This."

[Justmehere]

"You need to stop this, don't you see how alone you are?"

This was said to me a few weeks ago in the middle of an angry panic attack and begging for the boundary I felt I needed to calm down - I needed to not talk about the trauma, take a break, not talk. Everything stop. Stop.

The person who said it was the last person I would think would ever say something like that.

"Look around you, no one wants to be near you when you are like this. You are going to be left all alone with no one in your life."

Yeah. I know. I would do ANYTHING to change.

I still couldn't stop and the image, the words, are burned into my brain and haunt me.

"Don't you see how alone you are?"

Every minute of every day of my life and it hurts so bad I don't want to breathe anymore.

All I do anymore is try so hard to fix me. It's all I do.

 

[desiderata310]

I get it.
I was talking to my cousin today and I told her that I knew that I was having a good day because I was bored and lonely. The rest of the time? I'm too wrapped up in trying not to implode or triggered or exhausted.

Every day breathe in and breath out and try to keep moving forward.

 

[mrsps]

You are going to be left all alone with no one in your life."

This is my fear!
Im sorry someone said this to you, people on the outside don't know the struggles we go through and how we wished we didn't have to live the way we do. Its hard work fighting every day to try and work through all our struggles, keep fighting don't give up! You are worth it :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I was talking to my cousin today and I told her that I knew that I was having a good day because I was bored and lonely.

I don't hit bored and lonely status until I'm a few weeks into a calm period. I am in one now....funny, I can't remember the last time I had one like this? Its been....forever.

OP, gotta love the normies! Ok, so your friend (or whomever that was) does indeed have a point, that our episodes can and do drive people away. BUT....its not like we sit around and decide to have all of these symptoms. His/her words were a bit harsh IMHO. Yeah, walk up to a cancer patient and say "you just need to stop this cancer crap because nobody wants to be around a sick person!" Its pretty much the same thing. (Well, not quite, but the same in that we cannot help the symptoms of our disorders/illnesses.)

I've been through losing all of my friends. It royally sucks.

Did your program help? FYI I went into Sheppard Pratt twice. They actually told me that coming back is more the norm than the exception. That is, a great many patients come back at least one more time (if not more than that). I was only out for about 2 months before I went back in. Everyone knew how bad I was because I went back in 5 days before Christmas and I am the biggest Christmas nut around.

Do you think you need to go back into a program?

 

[Changing4Best]

People who say things like that have NO IDEA what we go through. They will never understand. That is why and how we can come here and share about it all. So sorry this was said to you, how senseless and heartless of the person who said these things to you. I'd distance myself from such a person if I were you, but that is up to you.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

"You need to stop this, don't you see how alone you are?"

If you could stop it, wouldn't you? Definitely not said by someone who understands or by someone who was frustrated and didn't know what to say. Regardless, that it so unhelpful and I you don't deserve that. Obviously you would stop it if you could. Who wants to go through panic attacks?!

 

[scout86]

This might be surprising, but I can kind of imagine my T saying something like that, in some situations. He once said, "You might want to consider finding a better way to think about that." He's not big on telling me what to do, but he WILL point it out now and then when he thinks I've run a bit off the rails and haven't noticed. i KNOW that he knows it's not always that easy. And some people truly don't get that.

All I do anymore is try so hard to fix me. It's all I do.

I can kind of relate to that feeling. And it's kind of a horrible feeling. I mean, what's the point of life if all it is is a constant struggle? And, maybe you DO need other things to do. To give yourself a break, and a chance to catch your breath, and a reason to see a point to the struggle.

 

[shimmerz]

And, maybe you DO need other things to do.

I can see how this could be but I think at times it depends on the severity of the symptoms and how they look. I know I literally had to give up anyone who wasn't into wanting to babysit a 50+ year old everywhere I went. Symptoms are symptoms. Triggers can take one over. Not sure how bad yours are @Justmehere , but even if they were bad and have gotten better, people get 'stuck in the past'. It's a funny world. Not haha.

 

[NarcSis]

First off I'm so sorry you had to endure that, you don't deserve to have such things aimed at you.

What you've experienced is called secondary wounding and it can be a very painful, retraumatizing thing to experience, so the hurt you feel is very valid. Hugs to you.

It can be hard to think of it this way but for those people we deal with many do not understand what it means to be traumatized and sadly we can be happy or sad about that, but the fact still remains that they cannot empathize with what you're experiencing and it can be extremely frustrating. The person who said this is frustrated that they do not know how to help you, normals don't get why we can't just snap out of it.

I went through this with my husband, it's hard on those close to us to see us so fundamentally changed. We worked through it and we're still together but we had our rocky spots.

Biggest hugs to you, I know how disturbing and painful this is to go through.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks everyone - this is such helpful feedback.

I have been reading what everyone has posted and it has really helped me step back and look at this differently. I keep typing a response and then anxiously deleting it. I don't know why.

But I do want to say that what everyone has written is helping me look at this very differently and has brought me tears of relief. I didn't expect that - thank you deeply.

 

[Friday]

Q - How sure are you that they meant macroscopically instead of microscopically?

Ex Microscopic) You need to stop this... Here, now, in this moment. What I am doing is the exact opposite of what I need to be doing to be getting what I want in that exact moment.

Ex Macroscopic) You need to stop this... Exactly how you interpreted it.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I've had people say similar too, but their lack of understanding and compassion is something that they are responsible for improving within themselves - that belongs to them, not to you. So maybe, if you get a chance when you are feeling strong enough to do so, it would be helpful to explain to that person, that you do realise that others would prefer you not to have panic attacks, but it is something that you find difficult to control.

However, I'm not sure what you mean by 'angry' panic attacks? So I'm also thinking from the other side, it's not fair on other people to have to deal with your anger if they are bearing the brunt of it. If this is what's happening, then although it's hard to hear, what the other person said has some truth in it.

I do realise that you can't just click your fingers and stop, but rather than focus on the negative of what someone's said, maybe it would help to try to focus on the positive steps you are taking towards managing the outbursts.