Structural Dissociation - Psychotic 'part'

[Chava]

I have no adult resources.

Story of my struggle. I almost bought myself a toy xylophone, hoping it could help solve my problems. ??? I don't know. Working on it!! I fell asleep with a comforting piece of wood last night.

 

[sun seeker]

Your reality NOW is way different than hers of THENNOW (new word I made up for EP stuck in trauma).

I love this! Thennow. That is now my new favourite word. You are brilliant!

 

[shimmerz]

I fell asleep with a comforting piece of wood last night.

Shit hon. I am so very, very sorry. Truly.

 

[Chava]

Yes, Chava. This is it. I can see you have been there. And yes, I would love to know what this state actually is. I mean, Van der Hart actually says there is dissociative psychosis, Link Removed says her T confirmed such. I don't know that psychotic is all about hearing the television talk to you.

Oops I actually altered that since I'm a compulsive editor! (but same idea). I somehow feel this as more likely pretty deep dissociation, maybe likely connected to a very early state. But if there is such a thing as dissociative psychosis I've most likely experienced that in some of my most out-of-touch moments...I just don't want another "thing".

Is holding a knife and facing the door when nobody is in your house and it really makes no f*cking sense psychotic? I think the difference would be the flashback or body-memory tone of it vs some disconnection from reality that has some other cause. ??? (totally unscientific perspective)

 

[shimmerz]

You are brilliant!

She is.

 

[Chava]

Shit hon. I am so very, very sorry. Truly.

It's okay! I love that piece of wood (I mean it...okay if that makes me a freak, it has some sort of calming resonance). But basically YES to not having adult resources. I'm happy if I can just find resources that work, whatever level of weirdness. Listening to my body. I tied the piece of wood to my hand so I didn't even have to actively hold it...it was just there for me. OMG, don't tell anyone I just said that...

 

[shimmerz]

I think the difference would be the flashback or body-memory tone of it vs some disconnection from reality that has some other cause. ??? (totally unscientific perspective)

This is where it gets really confusing to me. Because given the 'THENNOW' of flashbacks and parts and so on - I know it is based in a reality - just not necessarily proper 'time'. Does that make it psychotic? That to me doesn't feel psychotic.

But then again like you and the knife, this chick sat glued to her coach CERTAIN that someone was upstairs .... like a presence. I would say most psychiatrists would say that was psychotic.

 

[shimmerz]

OMG, don't tell anyone I just said that...

Hon, we all have our stuff. I had to tie myself to my bed so I wouldn't run out in the night in the cold. I have a teddy I take everywhere. I was sorry about not having resources. I don't have a piece of wood because wood triggers the crap out of me.

 

[Chava]

Okay, just don't knock my piece of wood :rolleyes:

 

[shimmerz]

@Chava ! I would NEVER! :nailbiting::hug:

 

[scout86]

.if I were to take a day trip, you know, just drive somewhere to the states or something to visit someone, do you actually feel like I could pull that off without going ballistic? Really?

YES! OK, I COULD be deluded, but yes, I think you could. And "adult resources"???? Have you not been paying attention to yourself here? Does a "non-adult" analyze things like you do? Question things the way you do? Help others the way you do? I think "Not". You may not recognize it as "adult resources" but you're working with this in what seems like a very adult way.

On any given day, I imagine something could derail a road trip. But I'd bet you'd manage to get yourself to safety somehow.

Wish I had your T-docs email addy. Bet he would chuckle at this one

Last week, I forget what we were talking about, but I said, "If you'll pardon the expression 'part of me'....." I thought he was going to fall off his chair laughing. He'd enjoy you Shim, I'm quite sure.

I am a bit bitter that you are nicer to Hope about parts than you are to me. Just sayin!

I've been unnice to you?????? Perhaps I misspoke? Or maybe just got carried away with my enthusiasm for the topic? SORRY!

 

[shimmerz]

I've been unnice to you??????

No, Scout you have never been unnice to me. lol. I was just yanking your chain. I love your T-doc. Seriously. :D He comes second only to you my friend. :inlove:

ETA: But then, that could be the psychosis talking.