General I'm Not Well

[Deleted member 27524]

Of course I've taken what he said pretty hard. I heard from him today as well. He had isolated 3 days after saying he couldn't handle my boys. He text me to let me know he was okay. I thought it was weird to even hear from him. However I said okay thank you and he proceeded to try to carry on the conversation but I simply didn't reply back. I just didn't want too to be honest. I didn't know what to say nor felt I had the mental capacity to carry a convo. I also didn't want my head spinning again so I just turned my phone off. I didn't do it to be mean but I just couldn't talk to him.

I've been shaking non stop for days, brain fog, no appetite, pale white and I feel like I'm very confused. I dropped a glass in the restaurant yesterday, my hands couldn't hold it, I hit a car last night, I feel like my brain isn't responding quick enough. I have to self medicate to sleep and I'm having nightmares. I'm just messed up. My brain feels.....weird!

I can't handle anymore confusion right now or even the push/pull/walk away for good or whatever is happening here.

I am literally terrified to speak to the guy because I am afraid of how it's going to effect me. Now..NOW, I am saying the (relationship?!?) with him is not worth it to see what it's doing to me.

 

[hodge]

Those are some serious side effects of this situation, Thunderstorm. Are you in therapy? (Sorry, I ask everybody this.) It sounds like you could use some objective, professional, compassionate help right about now. I can send :hug:s and let you know I'm concerned.

 

[Sighs]

:hug:

The first time my vet broke up with me I took myself off to bed for about 3 days. Just devastated. So sorry you are going through this.

 

[Casey_03]

These are all some pretty major warning signs, but it sounds like you realize this relationship is unhealthy. It sounds to me like you really have to cut off all ties with him and try to move on. If it's affecting you this much, it could affect your boys as well if they see you suffering. Not worth it.

 

[Sweetpea76]

:hug: It's not mean to need space. How many times have you given him the space that he needs?

 

[Deleted member 27524]

I agree. I have never needed space from him the entire time I've known him. He text me yesterday and my anxiety went through the roof. He's confusing me to death with his "I don't want you/ hey let's talk" attitude.

I have other stressors in my life right now as well. I can't solely blame my entire breakdown on him. So much happening at once. He has no clue what he wants I can tell that. He's contradicting himself back to back.

I have a fishing trip today and hopefully a relaxing day ahead of me.

 

[hodge]

I hope you have a nice, relaxing day.

 

[technigirl]

Thunderstorm, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you really need to take some time out for yourself. It might help to seek some therapy, maybe a psychiatrist to see if some meds might be necessary. You have every right to go off and take care of yourself and not worry about him, especially since kids are involved. They are most certainly noticing your stress levels, even if they are little; kids pick up on that kind of stuff and react to it.

I have noticed that many PTSD sufferers, not saying all, but many tend to be very selfish and shut their carers out without warning, with no regard for their feelings (that is what happened to me). I'm not saying you should do that, however I think you should let him know that *you* now need some space and you need him to not contact you for a while, so you can take care of yourself and your kids. Maybe then, after some time has passed, you can reevaluate your relationship with him.

I hope you were able to relax, lots of hugs to you!

 

[shimmerz]

I didn't know what to say nor felt I had the mental capacity to carry a convo. I also didn't want my head spinning again so I just turned my phone off. I didn't do it to be mean but I just couldn't talk to him.

I've been shaking non stop for days, brain fog, no appetite, pale white and I feel like I'm very confused. I dropped a glass in the restaurant yesterday, my hands couldn't hold it, I hit a car last night, I feel like my brain isn't responding quick enough. I have to self medicate to sleep and I'm having nightmares. I'm just messed up. My brain feels.....weird!

I can't handle anymore confusion right now or even the push/pull/walk away for good or whatever is happening here.

I am literally terrified to speak to the guy because I am afraid of how it's going to effect me.

This is SO how it feels to me when I isolate. I am so sorry you are going through this @Thunderstorm. I wonder if this would be a good way of describing how many people (PTSD or not) under incredible stress would react to overwhelmed, confusion, disorientation, etc. This makes me think this is a human reaction, but that PTSD (the Stress component) has us overwhelmed and that that is why we simply cannot speak and sometimes need to remove ourselves altogether.

Feel better.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

@shimmerz, I wondered if that was somewhat how he felt when he isolates yesterday when I was going through this. Not that I didn't want to communicate, I just couldn't. I almost felt like my brain was paralyzed? I couldn't find the words and didn't know how too. I wanted to speak but I couldn't. I dunno if that makes sense.

I did realize last night while laying in my bed practically lifeless that I do still care for him a great deal even though I wasn't able to communicate with him.

Sometimes I've wondered or told him when he's isolated and came back "you don't care about me" he says "that's not true I do care"..but I really saw last night that even though I couldn't communicate with him the feelings were still very much there. Was rather enlightening and a bit of a glimpse maybe into his world.

 

[shimmerz]

I dunno if that makes sense.

More than you know Thunderstorm. It, for me, is not a matter of not wanting to. It is a matter of 'can't'. It feels awful. And the more my supporters show hurt about it, the longer it takes me to recover and be able to open up again. Thank you for posting this. Truly.

 

[Sangamo]

Thanks shimmerz,
That explains a lot. I am trying to understand things better and all the comments have helped!