Retreat Mode

[hodge]

Yes, groundcrew, what Joey just said. Do utilize the diary function if you can. It can be very helpful. Take care!

 

[Neverthesame]

I don't want to bash her now, as I did not before. I have no doubt whatsoever that when she calms down, she's going to feel regret for what has been said. Does that make it right? Nope, doesn't make her a horrible person either.

Do I think Anthony said the exact perfect thing in response. No, but really, what does one say to that? I understand that it was meant to get a rise out of him. But that's not something anyone really wants to think about. I can't say I would have responded better. Actually truth be told, I would have taken that very badly, and very personally. The survivors guilt in me is always on the lookout for anything I can use to demonize myself with. That would have done very nicely.

I hate to use this expression, as I use it far too often as it is, but.

It is what it is.

I still hope she can find the help she needs, and that Anthony is coping well with what is an unenviable situation to have had to deal with.

 

[Tanishq]

I could see one thing in OP. There is good and bad in her. She moves like a pendulum, when she moves to good side, she is the wise woman and when she moves to bad side you know she was not nice. Something like mood swing problem in her.

Certainly she was not a bad person, it is all about choices for her. She can pick either good or bad.

Good luck for your future itsKismet.

 

[The Albatross]

I still hope she can find the help she needs, and that Anthony is coping well with what is an unenviable situation to have had to deal with.

It's a consequence. I've had them too. Much as people aren't inclined to think so, consequences are pivotal moments and help/assist people in beneficial ways in the longer term too ... they can become pivotal moments or a cross roads to endeavor to do/try something different.

Sometimes I have melt downs, and too have not been able to stop. Consequences though, when I experience them are ultimately equally assistive as empathy. Is it painful? Yeah sometimes very, but long standing patterns of behavior ultimately tend to be painful to change... and on some level, by the last several months, I think she was realizing that the amount of damage done to other members by her communication style and mood stings was giving her a response generally that was coming into her awareness. She chose to seek sympathy and took a dive into self pity refusing to allow that she was supported here, just not how/when/in the way she wanted.

Heck, I've done it too... and not just on the forum.

I hope she can find the help she needs as well.

 

[moonbeam]

Wow. This escalated quickly. I've been away from the forum for a few months so get the feeling I have missed a lot.

I really hope Anthony is okay. What she said was um very inappropriate. I sincerely hope you don't take it personally, though I know that is easier said than done.

For her own sake I really hope that ItsKismet takes some calming space and then puts her practical hat on and figures a new path forward. With effort she can improve (not to be perfect because nobody is). But she has it within her to heal and live a happier life.

 

[ground crew]

I do wish kismet well and hope she finds what she needs. I thank her for pointing out this opportunity to grow and understand my crap better.

 

[crazyhorse69]

Hello,

Dude, pull your head out of your ass man, your still alive, make the most of it

 

[Kailani]

All I can say is if people don't make an effort to call you then tell them a relationship/friendship takes both parties. I have found that some people it is okay to put in more because they are stuck in that they are busier; not that they are bad people but need the self esteem boost and don't intentionally mean to hurt you. The relationship needs to be evaluated in entirety. Others need silence and lack of effort on your part to not allow disrespect to you. It's sometimes best to have friends where it's simply not an issue at all. I know myself I am overly sensitive to criticism even if it's constructive and even if done nicely but i'm working on it-still in progress. I try to take a step back like dissociate myself from it-like it was said to a friend of mine and try to put my behavior as if it were my friend's. I say is there any truth in this comment? How many times has this been an issue? What advice would I give to my friend about this and it mellows me out a bit. Exercising the anger out helps then evaluating, doing what you can then treating/spoiling yourself for putting in the effort as a reward. Also it helps to only stick to that particular issue and not allow it to snowball into everything and everyone and life and.... sucks-although sometimes it seems an inevitable feeling.

 

[Rumors]

@anthony
I wonder if you could perhaps set up some sort of mentoring program here for those who tend to walk on the dark side? I realize there is only so much you can do for a person without them taking the bull by the horns themselves. However, I wonder if those who are teetering on being banned could go on some sort of parole type program where some volunteers have to edit posts before they can be put up by the "parolee".
It sounds like a lot of work I know. I realize kismet said some things that are wrong..period. I don't even agree with her on most things, however I feel her pain in her posts and am most sympathetic to power the disease has over her. I don't think she is a bad person and I think her lashing out and anger is her way of feeling safe. Words can be as hurtful as a fist. If you would consider putting her on probation I would offer to be her probation officer...that is actually pretty scary lol...maybe weed out some of the negative thinking styles and figure out how to communicate better and in a less black and whit manner ??? I know we aren't her therapists, nor can we be responsible, however I feel like there is much we can all learn from each other here. I dunno...I am worried about her.

 

[Tanishq]

@Rumors truth to be told, everyone tried their best they can do to help her in one or other way. When it came to take the advice without taking it personally she mostly failed.

I don't deny the fact she needs some help, right kind of help, so badly. People have tried everything. I do hope she gets some help there. I do think mostly it was related to her communication style, comprehension.

Mentoring program, I am afraid that might violate some policies here.

 

[Chava]

Take care of yourself itsKismet. I lash inward or shut down when hurt, but the hurting is very real and I know it well. Be safe.

 

[scout86]

@Rumors , interesting idea! The thing is, she, or anyone, can reach out to other members privately for help. And, like @Tanishq said, help was offered in this case. At some point, a person has to decide for themselves to seek help and then also recognize "help" as help, and then decided to work at accepting help. I'm not sure she's there yet, at least not thinking she was "there" the other day.

I'm honestly going to kind of miss her and will be wondering how she's doing.

Here's another thought that crossed my mind after the banning though. This isn't the first time, it's a pattern. And, she has an interesting ability to be mean to others from time to time, or go off the deep end, and yet not actually BE widely hated. So, maybe, this behavior has actually been "successful" for her, so far, in getting some kind of need met? I'm not sure, just been thinking about it. It doesn't seem like a good or healthy approach in the long run, but it seems like some part of her may find it to be a solution for something in the short run. We aren't doing her any favors by buying in to that approach, if that's the case. I was kind of shocked at the ban to begin with. The more I think about it, the more I can see good reasons for it, for HER benefit. At the same time, she loses a resource here, and that's too bad.