Retreat Mode

[Chava]

So, maybe, this behavior has actually been "successful" for her, so far, in getting some kind of need met?

Very likely, you'd think, though I can't answer that either.

The web format adds a layer of challenge, for sure...where, when very sensitive, it would be easier to talk face to face. I relate a lot to OP's meltdown, though I work on a very quiet level of inner attack or shutdown. I've felt like nobody sees me, cares, and when I ask for help nobody responds (I don't always ask clearly and I don't always even integrate any response because the act of asking puts me on edge and I absorb any hint of negative or non response). That's why I noted this is stuff for paying a therapist...where we work out the more painful bottom layers, because every day people or even somewhat knowing web forum people, can not always help so directly...and those bottom layers will continue to be projected onto them, often meeting the same response and spiral.

I would have done a temp ban, but I honestly don't follow the forum enough to know this history so can't judge based on lack of context. But I did see her as hurting and having stuff to work through in therapy setting. Her "self" probably gets disproportionately threatened, and then it's not about other people's feelings but her own survival. I get that. But it's also not okay to rip people apart. It's a whole pattern for therapy. And then when it continues to replay, as it will, hopefully over time there is more space, awareness, and ability to respond differently or walk away before feeling sucked into the deeper fight for basic existence.

 

[The Albatross]

She may still have contact with members via email or Skype... so she may not be without mentorship. It's not unusual though to have off the forum contact with online peers. *It's not entirely a guess... there is 3rd hand info that would suggest this. Hopefully her friend(s) will take up the role.

My peer friends do that for me, and I'd like to think I also do for them.

So far as a mentorship program... personally, I would not take up a mentorship without a structured or specific program... no how, no way buddy... too much inherent risk and responsibility for another person... voluntary or not.

*edited cuz I waffled whether or not to disclose I had some 3rd hand info... I decided I would but keep it general and am not willing to comment further even if put on the rack. (And that's all I'm ever gonna say about that, ever.)

 

[The Albatross]

Here's another thought that crossed my mind after the banning though. This isn't the first time, it's a pattern. And, she has an interesting ability to be mean to others from time to time, or go off the deep end, and yet not actually BE widely hated. So, maybe, this behavior has actually been "successful" for her, so far, in getting some kind of need met? [snip] We aren't doing her any favors by buying in to that approach, if that's the case. I was kind of shocked at the ban to begin with. The more I think about it, the more I can see good reasons for it, for HER benefit. At the same time, she loses a resource here, and that's too bad.

Bingo. Astute @scout86 :tup:

 

[Chava]

So far as a mentorship program... personally, I would not take up a mentorship without a structured or specific program... no how, no way buddy... too much inherent risk and responsibility for another person... voluntary or not.

Sounds terrible, in my opinion. Peer support..great. But I wouldn't ever recommend an online PTSD mentor, AA sponsor, or 1-to-1 counselor of any sort. Anyone who is really in a "mentorship" role needs to be present space/time accessible....unless it's something like an online graduate course.

 

[The Albatross]

I relate a lot to OP's meltdown, though I work on a very quiet level of inner attack or shutdown. I've felt like nobody sees me, cares, and when I ask for help nobody responds (I don't always ask clearly and I don't always even integrate any response because the act of asking puts me on edge and I absorb any hint of negative or non response). That's why I noted this is stuff for paying a therapist...where we work out the more painful bottom layers, because every day people or even somewhat knowing web forum people, can not always help so directly...and those bottom layers will continue to be projected onto them, often meeting the same response and spiral.

Also astute @Chava

Your post about this from your own personal experience is very insightful. Particularly the part about projection onto others and the difficulty with "feeling as" versus how we gauge/weight whether or not we get a response.

 

[Chava]

@The Albatross , like many posts I come across on here, particularly when people are triggered, you can see the pattern in this neat little written record, of how they stop responding to the positive responses or ones that attempt to give support, perspective, or new ideas...and they latch onto the "negative" or more critical ones and spiral with that. I do this and I know it (helpful to know about myself).

I don't integrate positive experience or support well. I don't even recognize it sometimes. I'm working on it...and less sucking in and personally adding more substance to what I perceive to be affirming my own worthlessness.

 

[The Albatross]

Chava, we are all a work in progress... some faster, some slower (borrowing 12 step) but it will always come about if we are willing to work for it (near as I can recollect, not a direct quote, k?)

Edited to add: "imperfectly". We will improve, we will grow, we will change our perceptions, thoughts and feelings... in as much basically as we are able, we will improve our base condition and reduce the impact of PTSD reactivity on our psyches. Honest.

I call it damage control yet am ever hopeful for a better than expected outcome. Eh?

 

[Anarchy]

@ground crew Big hug.

If it is any help, you have zero control over her mind and actions, those are hers and hers alone to look after.

@anthony and @joeylittle big Hugs for you two as well.

 

[The Albatross]

Heh... hit the like button... but can't imagine Anthony being the hugging type. I would risk it though. Joey... no prob'.

 

[The Albatross]

Ground crew... sorry it upset you so, glad to see you around. Separate the issues... and don't let it dominate you man.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. This site is one heck of a desensitization and "classroom" eh?

 

[Anarchy]

P.S. This site is one heck of a desensitization and "classroom" eh?

Hell yes!
I certainly look at the world very differently since I started visiting this place. One of the things that would probably surprise outsiders is just how tough and down to earth those with PTSD are (most of the time, anyway).

can't imagine Anthony being the hugging type. I would risk it though

He's too good not to hug:)
:hug:@