What Have You Learned About Yourself Through Ptsd?

[Saint Nik]

Hi folks. You are so gonna get sick of me :D

Just replied to a thread and it gave me an idea to make this thread. It's all in the title really. I wondered what you all have learned about yourself through PTSD? Is there any positives? Do you think there is still so much to learn about it?
I have learned that I am definitely a more compassionate person for sure. I am not saying I wasn't before, but since going through this hell I can't help empathize when I hear or read about people's traumas! And the mad thing is, these people are still alive, surviving through this hell and don't even credit themselves on how amazing we all are to pull through, push through, get through this nightmare and continue to do so when the PTSD symptoms flare up again months or years afterwards, what seems like out of the blue!

Anyway. . .would be great to hear your stories and get yourself thinking, changing your track of thought and really contemplate. . .what have you learned about yourself through PTSD? :)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Well, it's much harder to kill me than I thought, and I have more will to live than I believe.

 

[Saint Nik]

it's much harder to kill me than I thought

I agree with this too!

Thanks for your reply :tup:

 

[Lionheart]

In the process of healing PTSD, I have learned that I am a spirit warrior, that I have great strength and there is meaning and purpose to my life. I have learned that I am needed, wanted, and loved, more than I ever knew. I am more relentlessly persistent than I ever knew was even possible and it has paid off big time!

I have learned that while PTSD can mess with my head and emotions, I have the knowledge and power to manage and cope successfully with the challenges it has created.

 

[Saint Nik]

 

[katz]

I have learned to trust myself. I know that I will not remember anything that I can not handle. I have "forgotten" things for years at a time. Then, they come back and I look at them and deal with the thoughts, feelings and dreams of my many "demons".
I have always described it as a room with a floor covered in scraps of papers. I pick up a few at a time then read them and file them in the file cabinet in the corner. (I even have a picture of this room in my head. Some day I hope to see the floor!). I know that once I have "remembered" enough of each piece, then it can go in the cabinet forever. This picture/thought keeps me remembering that I'm just working at my own pace and that 'I know what's best for me." By thinking of this filing system that I've created, it also helps me feel in control of my thoughts and memories. It even gives me confidence that I even created this "scene/system" for myself.

 

[illusionist]

Ptsd never taught me anything about myself...I had no positivity etc beforehand to go on.

Working on Ptsd has taught me how fooked up I was/ often am.

 

[Gadgie]

I haven't learned a lot about PTSD, all I do know is that I hate having it! I hate having to live with it, that's if you can call it living?

I don't like the way it's changed me as a person, I used to be a far happier person than I am now, in fact I can't even remember much about my life before I had it.

A few years ago, a brick came through our window, while I was sleeping on the settee, it missed me by inches! The reason I was sleeping there, was because I was having nap after being up all the previous night caring for my late wife.

They told me later, that my reaction to the brick coming through the window, was the trigger that set off my PTSD, I wish to God I was in my proper bed that night, and maybe all this crap that I've gone through since, would never had happened.

 

[Saint Nik]

When you drop all your ideas, fantasies, and projections about who you are and what freedom is and remain completely empty, this is freedom - Mooji

 

[KuanYin]

I'm actually coming to realize that some of the "symptoms" of PTSD (or cptsd) are aspects of my personality that were there before the trauma, and they may well have made me predisposed to being affected by the trauma in such an adverse way. The trick is finding out how to keep the trauma from turning my propensity to compassion and sensitivity into something negative.

 

[Chava]

Hmmm. I can't say it's been helpful at all...or at least that's a yucky thought. BUT, with really early and ongoing trauma, there might be a connection to my super acute hearing (I'm a musician...love it and it pays the bills). Even when dissociative, everything seems to shut down except my hearing. My hearing becomes more acute. Basically, it is always "on" and I use it as a very good resource of perception.

I'm also not one to judge or play the whole divisive social game. I've learned so much in treatment and rehab from people from all walks of life. I do not feel myself as a very warm and open person, but behind my bubble, I empathize with a lot and also tolerate a lot.

But to be honest, I've learned more about myself through treatment/therapy/recovery, not the PTSD. My trauma past has left me extremely avoidant and lonely. Sometimes I could say I know how to appreciate alone time, but I just have a hard time feeling good about my maladaptation towards the world of humans. Learning more about myself through recovery is what gives me more hope.

 

[KuanYin]

When you put it like that Chava I have to agree with you. I'm learning more about myself in therapy for PTSD than from the PTSD itself. A subtle, but significant distinction.