Sufferer Seeking Help From Someone Like Me

[karamellow7]

Hi all, I am new to the site, I have been following and referring to the threads for a while now. I have PTSD. I have been in therapy pretty consistently since age 6 for a lifetime of trauma. Some things have helped. Talk therapy has been good, some exposure therapy has been overwhelming. Thought I was getting along fine in life until my then 4 year old son suffered a similar traumatic event. He is now 6 and for the past 2 years everything has come back with the intensity of when it first occurred. I can't stop it and I can't cope with it. talk therapy helps little. Paxil was awful. Religion helps. I have stopped drinking and using marijuana because even they stopped helping me relax. The memories, the intrusive and distortive thoughts, nightmares, panic attacks, and the crippling anxiety are just over taking my life. I have recently met a therapist that wants to try EMDR. I am terrified because I have repressed many memories and she wants to bring them back up to process them. I have been reading a lot about it and the good seems great, but the risks are terrifying. I have my son, a very shaky and small support system and my husband is only home a few nights a week to sleep and sometimes a day on the weekend. I'm very alone. I'm terrified as it is that I'm going to have a breakdown or panic attack that finally overtakes me, I'm worried what new memories will do. I don't trust myself right now. Has anyone else been through this? Had success with EMDR? PLEASE HELP ME.

 

[ghotiff]

I started therapy when my eldest reached one of my key abuse ages. I lived in fear of my eldest being abused, I can't even imagine how I would cope if they were.

This site is a great place for support and I'm glad you have found it.

I find sertraline great for anxiety, maybe it would be a good fit for you also?

Welcome.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Welcome, Karamellow!

I'm glad you're posting!

I'm so sorry you have PTSD, and that your son has now been traumatized... So very tragic...

I want, very much, to reassure you about EMDR.

I was in rough shape, and my T at the time referred me to the best EMDR specialist within 200 miles.
You want to go to one that has received extensive training (not one who dabbles in it from a book). If you do that, they emphasize safety and gentleness. You have so many safety features set up with you before you even start delving into the tiniest bit of trauma, that I found I was ready and eager to begin.

EMDR is so much easier on your system than Exposure therapy, yet, very therapeutic. I was never constrained to bring up any repressed memories, when I was ready, the safety and trust allowed me to bring up what I was ready for to talk about, and without extreme distress.

I am awed by the creativity and healing that is possible with this technique.

I had some amazing sessions where, when the session was ended, I needed to sit in the car or go next door to a store and just rest, have a snack, etc... before driving home. It was never because I was dissociated - she always made certain I was grounded and present, before I left. It was more the gentle "wow-factor".

I had the best EMDR therapist, for me, and it helped. In fact, our working/trust bond is so good, that we continue (to my great benefit) talk therapy since she's moved. We both miss the EMDR, but we can still do a lot to continue the healing.

Somatic Experiencing is also a very good and gentle form of healing therapy. This might even be a better fit for you, and your son. You might want to check the Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute's website (trauma healing dot org) and watch Dr. Peter A. Levine's video describing gently releasing the effects of trauma on the body and mind. This technique is well-suited for overwhelmed adults and traumatized children. Dr Levine has written several very good books worth reading, including "Trauma-Proofing Your Kids:A Parents Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience", "Trauma Through A Child's Eyes: Awakening the Ordinary Miracle of Healing", "Trauma and Memory", "Healing Trauma:APioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body", "In an Unspoken Voice:How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness"...

It's very important to understand (which I didn't originally) that you don't have to get at all the traumatic memories in order to find peace and live. You don't have to relive it all, you just need to release it without re-traumatizing yourself.

There is more, but I hope this encourages you!
You're in my thoughts!
With love and caring,
Deer

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sure @deer_in_headlights knows much more than I do but I've heard there is a caveat to be careful using EMDR when you've had multiple traumas.

I'm very sorry for you & your son. :( Hang in there. Prayers & a cyber :hug: .

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find the information helpful.

 

[karamellow]

Thank you. My son has undergone and been discharged from play therapy with the best in the region. Recently found out she too offers emdr. I am having so much trouble with the container and safe place part that I am afraid to move forward. My life and marriage are very chaotic right now and my son is also at an age that I was when abused. It is hard to be close to him, bathe him, even hug him sometimes, but I force the smile and try to breathe through it. i keep hearing that I am a great mother but guilt And responsibility I feel for his abuse are eating me alive. My husband is undergoing emdr treatment at this time as well. Hoping its a key in healing our family but I don't know how to proceed when I can't even deal with the present and I have almost no support from my spouse. Do I wait for and support him to get through his own junk enough to support me while I sift through mine or is a systemic approach more effective? Its hard to stay in my marriage right now....escape seems so favorable...but ineffective long term I know....

 

[karamellow]

Its awful. Worst fear come to life. Even though I did everything humanly possible to protect him it still happened. By a family member. I just thank God that I figured it out and knew the questions to ask and I wasn't afraid to seek help. Hopefully saving him from a much more difficult future.
Is that Zoloft? I've had success with a combo of Zoloft and ativan in the past but the therapist said medication can hinder progress in EMDR. I tried a natural supplement called Anxie-T last night, it made me feel loopy but did calm me down from a panic attack. Have tried 5htp as well and that helped some. I just want it to stop.

 

[karamellow]

I'm sure @deer_in_headlights knows much more than I do but I've heard there is a caveat...

Thks. I have heard that as well which is what terrifies me. But I'm barely functioning and I need to do something

 

[ghotiff]

Sertraline is a non branded Zoloft, so it's the same thing. If it worked in the past for you, I recommend doing it again.

I don't know about it hindering edmr but it seems like you need relief right now, and maybe longer term healing can be worked on later. Just my thoughts.

 

[karamellow]

Sertraline is a non branded Zoloft, so it's the same thing. If it worked in the past for you, I recommen...

I thought that too. Last time I saw my doc and told him what was going on and asked for meds, I told him I had success with Zoloft and he gave me paxil. It was awful. Been a long time since I've been on meds. 7 years, but this sucks big time and I don't want to go back to self medicating. Thanks for the input. Funny that you said Zoloft, because its been on my mind.

 

[intothelight]

but the therapist said medication can hinder progress in EMDR.

There are also therapists that find medication can help the progress as a person may be more stable and able to process more effectively. Also, trauma therapy can increase symptoms and medication may help with symptom management. You may want to check out more information and discuss this with your therapist.

I told him I had success with Zoloft and he gave me paxil.

Stand your ground and get what works for you.

 

[karamellow]

There are also therapists that find medication can help the progress as a person may be more stable...

Going to the doc today and I'm going to ask for Zoloft. Talked to my sons former T who also does emdr and she said get stable and then try to work on things so I'm praying for relief. Its been 7 years since I've had meds.