Seeking Help in Times of Despair

[kheals]

Help. I need help. I'm putting it out there to the Universe. I need help. Real help. I don't even know what I need. I posted before but no one replied. Even here, there is no help. No hope.

I've been fighting this for a long time. Living in spite of anxiety, fear, and flashbacks. I'm tired. I'm out of work, running out of money, and no one to help me. The streets are filled with people who weren't helped. I've always known that real help is not available. They drug you. Put you in time out. But no one is working to fix the problems, or if they are then they are shut down by big pharma. It's always about the money. I don't have the energy to be homeless and alone.

First I was in denial. Sure everything is okay, sure I can go back to work whenever I wanted. But now I'm in the middle of anger/bargaining/depression. I'm having constant anxiety and panic attacks. Part of me is worried I'm going to give myself a heart attack. And part of me wishes I would just get one and it would be over. I'm so tired of fighting. For what? For who? I don't have fight left in me. I'm amazed that I lasted this long. I would like to get to acceptance and be able to at least enjoy the time I have left. Find a way to pass on my stories.

It would be nice to just feel like I'm being heard. Is there anyone out there? Or am I talking to the void?

-K

 

[Friday]

It’s an incredibly difficult place to be in where you’re fighting to keep from losing everything, and can see it all slipping away. I’ve lost everything, a few times now, and the fighting to save it? Is a far harder place to be in than having already lost it.

What kind of help would be most useful to you, right now?

 

[kheals]

It’s an incredibly difficult place to be in where you’re fighting to keep from losing everything, and can see it all slipping away. I’ve lost everything, a few times now, and the fighting to save it? Is a far harder place to be in than having already lost it.

What kind of help would be most useful to you, right now?

Yes. I have lost before as well. I used energy that I didn't have to get out of it. I don't think that I have the energy to do it again. I'm 60. The job I'd been doing is now gone so I would have to start over. I'm too tired.

What would be the most useful? A miracle. But that's not going to happen. I think my main thing is being heard. I really do want to get to acceptance that this is happening. That I won't be able to get out of it. That maybe I can use the time I have left to leave something behind rather than freaking out with panic attacks. Thanks for asking...

 

[Friday]

People tend to respect venting threads as a place for someone just to lay it all out. If you’re looking to engage more with people? (From help pages, link below).

Similarly? Trauma Diaries are perfect places to write anything / everything / all the things you’re currently struggling with, thinking about, working through etc…without any need for to structure for others to reply.

Maximizing Responses​

If you post it, they will come! No, no they won't. You post a new topic (thread) and nobody replies. There will be very good reasons for that, all of which are your own doing. The users and readers are here, but you determine how much interest people take in reading and responding to your content. There is a more detailed discussion on this, but the basics to maximize responses to your content are:

1. Thread Title - Short, sharp and accurately descriptive.
2. Basic Grammar - It is easier for people to read sentences that construct short paragraphs.
3. Edit Nonsense - When you want specific responses, read your content before posting and remove all the noise. The shorter and descriptive your post, the better your responses. Write a long post full of nonsense and waffle, people get lost amongst it and lose what you actually want, thus they don't respond.
4. Ask Questions - When you want something, you need to ask for it. So ask it, as that is what people will respond to.

There are vast differences in how you structure your content between wanting responses vs. just airing stuff in your head without care of response. New Member Information

 

[kheals]

People tend to respect venting threads as a place for someone just to lay it all out. If you’re looking to engage more with people? (From help pages, link below).

Similarly? Trauma Diaries are perfect places to write anything / everything / all the things you’re currently struggling with, thinking about, working through etc…without any need for to structure for others to reply.

I already keep a diary and talk to my teddy bear. I guess this is not the place to get help.

 

[Friday]

Trauma Diaries are one of the more active places on this site, Inwasnt recommending a notebook shoved under a mattress.

You are free to use your diary in the way you feel benefits you most.

The thread below gives some helpful guidance on how it can be used for CBT based exposure therapy.

Guidance for using a trauma diary for exposure therapy (cbt)

The following few posts are all about writing a diary, what will happen, how to decrease issues from exposure therapy work (writing about your trauma) and how to construct and maintain a self-help style where you benefit and not just chase your tail in circles...

www.myptsd.com

Nowhere is best for everyone.

What this site does is best described in our Community Constitution

If you’re looking for real time chat/phone support? I’d highly reccomend 7 Cups of Tea.

If you’re in crisis in the US &/or looking for real life resources? 988 or 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

 

[whiteraven]

I don't think that I have the energy to do it again. I'm 60. The job I'd been doing is now gone so I would have to start over. I'm too tired.

I so relate to this. For me, it was at 59. I quit my job just as the pandemic started, and the job I'd lined up fell through. I had $43 in the bank. I didn't think I would make it, because I was seriously depressed and anxious, and I had no energy. I guess what got me back on my feet was realizing I didn't want to live in my car or under the bridge.

Are you seeing anyone to help? A doctor? A spiritual advisor?

It's always about the money

I agree. And it makes everything so much harder. My T, though, reduced his fee to a pittance, because he was more interested in helping than he was in the money. So I know there are people out there who do care.

I think my main thing is being heard. I really do want to get to acceptance that this is happening. That I won't be able to get out of it.

So, you want validation that this awful thing is happening to you, and there is no hope? Hm...I do hear that you *feel* that way. I have felt like that for decades. But I have learned that, no matter how much I hate this world and how sure I am that nothing will ever get better, NOTHING is permanent. Honestly. Everything--literally everything--is ebbing and flowing. Took me a very long time to see that, but I did and I have to remind myself of it over and over again.

I'm very sorry that you're struggling. I hope you'll stick around and talk about it here.

 

[kheals]

I so relate to this. For me, it was at 59. I quit my job just as the pandemic started, and the job I'd lined up fell through. I had $43 in the bank. I didn't think I would make it, because I was seriously depressed and anxious, and I had no energy. I guess what got me back on my feet was realizing I didn't want to live in my car or under the bridge.

Are you seeing anyone to help? A doctor? A spiritual advisor?


I agree. And it makes everything so much harder. My T, though, reduced his fee to a pittance, because he was more interested in helping than he was in the money. So I know there are people out there who do care.


So, you want validation that this awful thing is happening to you, and there is no hope? Hm...I do hear that you *feel* that way. I have felt like that for decades. But I have learned that, no matter how much I hate this world and how sure I am that nothing will ever get better, NOTHING is permanent. Honestly. Everything--literally everything--is ebbing and flowing. Took me a very long time to see that, but I did and I have to remind myself of it over and over again.

I'm very sorry that you're struggling. I hope you'll stick around and talk about it here.

Thank you for your kind words. I do want to stick around. I'm amazed you even found a therapist. There just isn't anyone available now. I've sent out feelers to multiple people and just get ignored. A lot of people are having really hard times. I'm seeing a new one one Monday but it's only a half hour. Maybe she'll have something for me. Therapists usually drop me. I go in open an honest. I'm afraid of people and I have trust issues. The main reason they drop me is because I don't trust them. I find it confusing.

My doc is trying to help but the meds all have side effects. They all cause serious dry mouth which keeps me up at night. I'm very tired.

I'm trying to calm down my anxiety. In reality, I'm afraid of people. That's the deepest level of all of this. Anything having to do with people makes me anxious. This has been going on for decades but over the past 8 years it's gotten really bad. Especially since I live alone with no animal. The pandemic did a number on me. It's hard to even think of getting a job when the thought of it creates a panic attack. I wish I could figure out what to do about it.

Thank you so much for hearing me.

Trauma Diaries are one of the more active places on this site, Inwasnt recommending a notebook shoved under a mattress.



Nowhere is best for everyone.

What this site does is best described in our Community Constitution

If you’re looking for real time chat/phone support? I’d highly reccomend 7 Cups of Tea.

If you’re in crisis in the US &/or looking for real life resources? 988 or 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Thanks for your help Friday. That is all good information!

 

[whiteraven]

Especially since I live alone with no animal

Are you able to get a pet? I was without cats for 2 months after I lost both of mine (and during the pandemic), and I couldn't stand it. I adopted about two months after.

I'm amazed you even found a therapist. There just isn't anyone available now.

I've had this one for a long time. And while he's a psychologist, he's also a Zen priest. We have to take periodic breaks because I also have a huge issue with trusting people, but after a bit I'm usually able to go back. I don't think I could start over again with anyone--I know how hard that is.

My doc is trying to help but the meds all have side effects. They all cause serious dry mouth which keeps me up at night. I'm very tired.

Oh yeah. I probably tried them all. I either had bad side effects or they just didn't work. I hope you find something that works for you!

 

[kheals]

Are you able to get a pet? I was without cats for 2 months after I lost both of mine (and during the pandemic), and I couldn't stand it. I adopted about two months after.


I've had this one for a long time. And while he's a psychologist, he's also a Zen priest. We have to take periodic breaks because I also have a huge issue with trusting people, but after a bit I'm usually able to go back. I don't think I could start over again with anyone--I know how hard that is.


Oh yeah. I probably tried them all. I either had bad side effects or they just didn't work. I hope you find something that works for you!

My building doesn't allow pets or I would have gotten one. I even asked for special consideration. During the pandemic, most of the pet owners wouldn't let us pet their pets. Worry about spreading COVID. I felt sorry for the animals. Suddenly no one is petting them. How do you explain to a dog? I think it probably messed their heads up too.

I have another appointment in a few weeks with the doc. We may need to let go of the bipolar portion of the treatment and focus on the anxiety. I don't know. I really hate the meds. Thinking of giving them up all together. I'm sorry they didn't work for you. Did you find something that works?

 

[whiteraven]

Did you find something that works?

Hm...well, in terms of the anxiety with people, I tend to only engage when I have to--I just push through it and am grateful when I can disengage. I also use mindfulness a lot. The severe depression comes and goes, but is always there low grade. I think one of the things I did was to recognize that my expectations were not reasonable and change them. It's so hard, but it's been really helpful. And I'm trying to get rid of all the "shoulds" in my life.