Relationship My husband has ptsd and is pushing me away and i'm lost

[Kaylee123]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2. He's been out of the Marine Corp for a little over a year now and he is not doing good. It breaks my heart seeing him suffer from ptsd and I just wish I could take it all away..
Recently he's been pushing me away and I'm trying to understand why. He's even told me that he doesn't know if he wants this, he doesn't know what he wants in life at all. He's so lost. He said he needs to learn too find himself now. And it just hurts me so much that he can throw away everything we have over night..
I'm lost at what to do because he is my world and we are happy and I can't see my life without him.
He said he needs his space right now and I don't know what that means where we stand. He has a very hard time talking to me about it. And I was hoping if there was other spouses out there or even other people suffering from ptsd who could help me understand.
I was even thinking of possibly setting up a counseling appointment for us.
Please help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[Sweetpea76]

He said he needs his space right now and I don't know what that means where we stand. He has a very hard time talking to me about it

By space, does he mean time alone with his thoughts, or for one of you to move out, etc.?

 

[Kaylee123]

By space, does he mean time alone with his thoughts, or for one of you to move out, etc.?

I don't think he means move out... Right now I'm staying somewhere else for the weekend to give him some time..

 

[Sweetpea76]

If you haven't read it before, the PTSD Cup explanation demonstrates very clearly what happens when a person with PTSD gets overwhelmed with stress. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

Sometimes when their cups overflow, sufferers use isolation as a coping mechanism. It seems to be a self protection thing... or at least it does with my vet. He just. cannot. take. any. more. so he checks out for awhile. He needs that alone time to reset and calm himself. Maybe your husband needs the space to center himself or decompress?

 

[Kaylee123]

I don't think he means move out... Right now I'm staying somewhere else for the weekend to give him so...

I'm just lost at what I'm su

If you haven't read it before, the PTSD Cup explanation demonstrates very clearly what happens when a...

that does make a lot of sense. Well he did tell me that he needs to find his new self now. And to see if with his new self he needs me in his life or not. And that just really hurts me. But I'm trying to be so strong.

 

[Seasounds]

@Kaylee123, I'm sorry for your suffering; from the outside it can be hard to understand the ups and downs of PTSD.

It is hard to understand that your husband is amidst working through inner problems, that are not caused by you, and since you are close, you may think it is caused by you, and he may even blame you-for the tension and pain that he is feeling inside. You are doing nothing wrong; you are a fine person, doing everything right-being yourself.

As a person with PTSD, I tend to isolate when I am troubled. It took me years to put words to my trauma, and it took me years to feel all of the unpleasant emotions.

Give your husband time. For yourself, find your own support group or therapist. Your husband needs to decide for himself if he wants help. You can suggest it, and then let him move in his own time.

Another insight I had while I read your post, was that, for me, intimate relationships both heal and trigger my PTSD-intimacy involves being vulnerable and feeling, and hence, getting in touch with feelings that I may be trying to avoid, but can't if I am intimate-as the flood gates open. Also, when I'm dealing with PTSD I don't feel good enough about myself; being around people can make me feel worse.

My ex, only sought help after a co-worker smelled alcohol on his breath. Treatment helped his PTSD and drinking.

I hope you stay in touch with the forum. It is a great place for support. Peace to you and yours.:)

 

[Catherine Uk]

I feel your pain. I may not be married to mine, but I love him just as much. I met the man I wish to marry and share the rest of my life with a year ago almost to this day. I have never felt so happy in all of my life. The past 2 months have been a struggle though. It was as if we got to close and then he suddenly pushed me away.

He is in the forces and has been for many years and has been away 4 times on ops. I often was shocked at how well he seemed to have everything together after all he has been through (he has told me some stories, one of which involved terrible, terrible things that I can't even imagine going through) but I know now that he hides his inner struggles to everyone. There would also sometimes be this push pull type relationship and the last couple of months he seemed to have a fear of commitment, even to see me.

Then 4 weeks ago he shared with me that he was totally lost and doesn't know what he wants anymore. He also said he couldn't see a future with he exes and then said the same thing to me which I thought was bizzare since we have spoke of marriage and kids and only the month before mentioned I could move in with him. However, I started to notice lately that he has been down, losing interest in things which he loved to do and became more and more withdrawn from people. At first I was heartbroken and took it personally. Now I know the truth everything has changed for me now.

He ended things with me Sunday saying that he wasn't happy and that he doesn't feel love for me now when before he did and that he doesn't know why. I thought it might have been a bit of depression that he was suffering from as he told me he has felt down like this for years which shocked me, but when he ended things, he was sobbing uncontrollably. We both were, it was horrific. He spoke about what is making him low and now I understand. He kept telling me before he left how he didn't want to leave me and faced the door crying for about 30 minutes before he left. After that I sat watching the sunset and then realised at about 11pm I was sitting in the dark. My mind was baffled.

I'm ex police so luckily I started to think and noticed the signs that this could be a form of PTSD as I have seen it before in officers, I just was unsure about all of the different terms and symptoms one person can have as I think it can be different for everyone. After seeing him the way he was the last time I saw him, he broke down and told me the events, I started to do research into ways I can help him. If I could take the pain from him I would do it in a heartbeat. It has been killing me that he has now left (before he would need his space to recharge) and Im not there to help him now knowing why and what has been going on.

Since he has left me (5 days ago to go and visit his parents) I have been doing some serious research. I am so sure he has PTSD, he told me when he first returned from ops he would get into the odd fight when he was out as he was so angry at what happened to his friends out there. He doesn't do that anymore, has no substance or alcohol problems which I think can be an escapism for some, but I do think he has emotional numbing now. He told me himself he has never dealt with things properly because as soon as he returned home they were shipping him out again for another op and he has just left things when he has been home thinking things will pass. I've spoken to him about talking to someone and seeking therapy and I'm just praying when he comes back from his break he does start. I am the only person who knows, he wont tell anyone else right now (family or friends wise) as he thinks he will look weak. He has to do things in his own time.

We have been in touch since he has been away and he has promised me that he will go to speak to someone at work and that he is worried about me as he just took off with us both in a mess sobbing. It has taken everything keep it together. Ive had a stressful week at work and as soon as I'd make it to my car and I'm alone I'd take a deep breathe and have a little cry. Its because he is suffering. Knowing what I now know though researching this I have learnt that this is all part of the PTSD and needing space. I don't think he has even come to terms with everything himself and think this has been a shock to him also but I have told him that he can push me away all he wants but that I'm not going anywhere, Ill still be here when he needs me.

I think some of my close friends think I'm crazy but I know this is a bad spell he is going through and it doesn't hurt now as much knowing more information about it. Knowledge makes you stronger. I again pray that he knows this and will start seeking help when he returns too. I don't want to make him either, he has to do this on his own, I will just be there if and when he needs me. He told me thank you when I told him that so maybe he is starting to understand, I don't know.

I'm sure your husband loves you very much, it's just the space he needs when things can get too much for him. Have you researched into emotional numbing at all? Some of it you may read and think that's him. He may also pull away too if he is down and doesn't you to see him that way. I know in all of this it must devastating for you, you feel helpless and naturally want to comfort any loved ones in pain but try and be strong. Let him come to you and know that you are not alone in this. Keep battling through it.

 

[Friday]

I don't have anything useful here to say right now, my own headspace is too jacked at present. Just no way in hell can I see an MCW hurting & not reach out. Specially as he's out so there's probably no one in his unit or crew, since there ain't a unit or crew anymore, to see him f*cking up and touch base with ya & see what can be done to help smooth things out or at least make shit a little easier. SemperFi Missus.

 

[Bethann821]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2. He's been out of the Marine Corp fo...

Apparently I sent a blank message...but Kaylee...I am going thru much of the same...and since this is a fairly recent post...maybe we can help each other...and compare notes...let me know if u want to and we can figure out a way to chat...whether it be texting or whatever...and how I could get my info to u without outing both of us on this page

 

[Kaylee123]

Yes we could definetely talk. I ended up leaving for a few days and it actually helped. He just needed some space I suppose.but still working on things each day.

 

[Mon15]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2. He's been out of the Marine Corp fo...

I so feel your pain. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and this is starting to happen with us. We've known each other for a little over a year and work for the same company, and finally decided to give dating a shot. We live about 4 hours apart, but where we both travel and know most of the same people in the company as we both see them often, it was working out.

It all started out perfectly. We saw each other often, have an amazing time with each other when together, but lately as soon as I would leave to return home, it's like something takes over and there this this void and silence. One minute he is planning our future and talks of transferring and moving to where I am now, the next minute, no more good morning messages, complete silence and then all of a sudden he wants to jump out of the boat. I can understand that combat PTSD is a horrible condition to have and I know I could never understand what he has gone through during his time in the military, but I try to be supportive and understanding. Right now, he has decided to end our relationship with no explanation and it truly hurts, considering I have done nothing but love him for him and try to be supportive and not pressure him into anything.

I'm honestly lost and wish I knew how to help him get back in my boat, but as I told him, I can't make him love me like he did in the beginning and all I can do is respect his decision to end things. Hopefully one day he will realize the true love I had for him and know that I will always be there for him when needed and when he is ready to open up and let me love him and see the real person I am.

My heart breaks for you as mine is broke as well. I wish you the best of luck and hope all works out and I hope that sooner rather than later, my love will do the same. xoxo

 

[Jeanine Iglesias]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2. He's been out of the Marine Corp fo...

Hello !

I'm going through the same right now. Im so beyond lost !!!! Any advice
Thanx