Drunk Again...

[Chava]

Not sure what else to say. No good excuses....I promise you that! :( I was doing really well. Ideally, pain-wise, I'd be working part time. But I'm working full time and with extra meetings, etc, it's been about 50-60 hr weeks. I can't decompress. Drinking is NO solution. I know. And yet, no.....I don't know. I'm caught between selves.

That's all.

 

[ms spock]

Sorry you are going through this.

I don't have any advice as I am very stuck between things my self - eating and not eating - comfort eating and not comfort eating - binge eating and not binge eating. I am so embarrassed.

I hope you get some solutions or work arounds at some point.

The best of luck from me.

 

[Chava]

Thanks and hugs @Ms Spock ....I relate so much to the eating issues, though that part does not affect me so much lately. I want to be in ER, hooked up to supports and black-out drunk. f*cked up, right? My AA sponsor is out of the country and even on the west coast (U.S.) it is getting late. My therapist and my sponsor's sponsor have not responded. I can NOT drive myself to ER. I also can not pay for it. If I can avoid much more drinking or self harm, I coud go to bed and not need it.

So...I can type okay, so I'm in one pice. but reminding myself I cannot CANNOT drinve myself to ER. I feel safe in ER in moments like this.. Monitors, nurses, etc. I want so badly to go to ER. If a couple closest supports won't pick up their phone though I'm not sure what will happen.

 

[ms spock]

Can you ring a crisis line? Like the AA hotline in your state and get them to come out to see you? Or at least talk you through this tough time?

Any crisis line will do!

Even ringing the East Coast with it getting late is much better than people having to go to your funeral. Personally I would rather the late night call.

If your closest supports don't ring - then ring generic emergency phone numbers and hotlines! Seriously they will thank you for it later on.

Why don't you catch a taxi to the hospital and sit in the emergency waiting room?

 

[Friday]

Ideally, pain-wise, I'd be working part time. But I'm working full time and with extra meetings, etc, it's been about 50-60 hr weeks. I can't decompress.

&

I want to be in ER, hooked up to supports and black-out drunk. f*cked up, right?

Made this connection for me :

It's a very extreme way to take a sick day from work, yes.

Suggestion : May not work, but the next time you go to the "I need to be drunk & about to die in order to rate being taken care of"? Try phoning in sick to work, instead, and take care of yourself. Sleep in... Or stay up all night doing silly things, because you don't have to get up in the morning. Spend a day eating, sleeping, and just taking care of yourself.

 

[Chava]

Thanks ladies...I left a message for sponsor and her sponsor (sponsor-of-a-sponsor). Not super late west coast, but getting there. I wanna call ER. I WANT AMBULENCE AND ER. How f*cked up is that, huh? Yeah? But the will to preserve me a bit past death is here and that is useful to myself and others sometimes. NOT suicidal....just don't trust myself to not wreck my existence. f*ck.

 

[Chava]

should I call 911 and just say NO sirens please so I don't piss off neighbors? I don'tnknow what is real...necessary

 

[ms spock]

That sounds good to me.

 

[ms spock]

If you could put other people at risk by driving to the ER - you need to ring an ambulance.

If you are not sure you can not totally wreck your existence then it is time to ring an ambulance, in my humble opinion anyway.

 

[ghotiff]

Thinking of you. Not sure if I have anything useful to say other than I care

 

[Friday]

Ditto. Sounds like a good plan here, also.

 

[Sammyiam]

Please take care I am thinking of you

Sammy