Negative Effects Of Therapy

[Deleted member 28942]

I found this article:
http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/counseling/negeffects.html

With one therapists I had the issues where she was controlling, judgemental, and know-it-all. After the sessions I felt worse and I thought I need to do what she is telling me. I felt like a little kid.
With another one, I had the experience where is misjudged my strengths. I have a lot of strengths and capabilities. Also, she tried to intelectualize too much which I hate because I do that anyhow.
My current therapist is great because she respects my boundaries, listens to what I want to work on, is non-judgemental, sees my strengths, and I am the one making changes in my life. She doesn't tell me what to do and how to do it. If I want to talk about a certain situation and ask for advice she will guide me but at the end I am the one making the decisions and I like that.

What about your experiences?

 

[DogwoodTree]

because she respects my boundaries, listens to what I want to work on, is non-judgemental, sees my strengths, and I am the one making changes in my life. She doesn't tell me what to do and how to do it.

I haven't read the article yet...about to...but what you said here...hm. It just occurred to me, for real, on a deep level, that my T respects my boundaries, even those boundaries I haven't figured out where they should be yet...he already seems to know where healthy boundaries should be, and he respects them.

Like...I didn't really believe him when he said I could make my own decisions about how therapy proceeds. I figured...he's just testing me...he says it's up to me, but as soon as I do anything he thinks is wrong, it'll come back on me...and I've been waiting for those repercussions all year long. Really, I've felt so frustrated because it would be so much easier if he would just tell me what he expects of me instead of making me guess and keep messing up, but really, really, he's really trusting me to make my own decisions. For real. And I'm just processing this, just now, wow. Because I've never been treated that way by my parents before. I'm in my 40's, married, kids, and still...still...I've been trying to meet their expectations of me. Because if I don't, there are repercussions. Always.

But my T. He really, really, isn't waiting for me to mess up. He's not looking for an excuse to reject me or criticize me. Why haven't I seen this before? He's just been holding the space, waiting for me to see it and move into it...to make my own decisions...and drive my own process. And he's totally okay with that.

Huh. I'm not quite sure what to do with this. But just the sense that...that someone truly respects my freedom of choice about my self, about my life. Can't quite wrap my mind around it.

Okay, sorry for the rambling. That realization just hit me. Sorry...carry on...

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@DogwoodTree that's it. That's what my current therapists does. She trust me to make my own decisions. She doesn't criticize me or blame me or tell me I am incapable. She believes in me. Also, I have the freedom to decide what I want to work on in therapy and she agrees that I am free to decide what I want to work on. This kind of relationship is healing by itself. EMDR and Hakomi help too but the relationship is really important.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have had 2 very bad therapists. One was about 10 years ago. I had been diagnosed with PTSD sorta. My only understanding of it was that it was a severe form of depression. I never mentioned PTSD to her. She acknowledged I was dissociating, but when I would try and tell her what was bothering me, she would say, "Nuh uh, just let it go." She always told me that I fighting to hold on to my traumas, and would say stuff like, "Just let them flow down stream and away." How? I would just so frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to just let it go.

At the same time I was struggling with my religious beliefs. I needed to take a step back and evaluate my beliefs and she kept pushing me very hard into "spiritualism" and wanting me to join an Unitarian church. I really developed an intense hatred of self due to her.

My more recent T to do damage, was the one before my current T. After 4 weeks and sending her an e-mail due to the fact I was having a near daily flashback of a certain event, dropped me without a lifeline. I was already super symptomatic, and the flashbacks had abandonment elements, let's just say it sent me spiraling.

My current T is amazing, but a bad therapist can create a lot more work for a good therapist.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@Fadeaway indeed! What is the point of therapy if we cannot work on our traumas? If we could "just let them down a stream" we wouldn't need therapy. I had the same problem with my previous two therapists who avoided talking about the trauma although I wanted to work on resolving them.

The second T you mentioned acted very unprofessionally. Even if he/she wasn't able to help you he/she should have discussed that with you and suggest another therapist to work with.

 

[Intrepid]

"Just let them flow down stream and away."

I've had therapists tell me similar things because they don't really get the power of the trauma. Maybe its some sort of test to see if it's really a problem. If you let it go, it's not trauma. If it crawls under your skin and is attached to your soul, then it is.

Mostly, I have to take an active role in determining what works and what doesn't. Normal talk therapy doesn't work well. I had many therapists over 20 years who were well meaning, but not very effective.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I learned recently that T's aren't meant to tell you what to do. Had a very bad experience with one - of the many wrong things she said to me, the worst was "is your bio clock not telling you, you need to have a kid in 10 years or you've got no chance?" I wasn't even there to talk about anything like that! And she showed when she was in bad moods, because I wasn't making progress. Needless to say, I got rid of her.