There Is An Alternative But I'm Not Seeing It

[Sandstone]

There's always an alternative, there has to be.

Tomorrow I should be going to a very difficult therapy session, then coming home to entertain my childhood abuser, who my mother has told me I have to offer a bed for the night. My husband will be there in the evening, but that still leaves the morning. The plan had been that I would go into work with my husband, hopefully before HE gets up.

I don't think I can do all that, and at the moment the only way out I can see is to take enough pills to make me a bit spaced out before I go to therapy, then take more on the way home so I have to go to bed and sleep for twenty-four hours. The risk is that I can't wholly rely on myself to cross roads safely in that state. There is often a lurking pull to walk in front of a vehicle.

I thought about running away all together, but if I don't go to Therapy I risk losing it.
I've thought about phoning the Crisis team , but it would sound as though I was making demands.

What else could I do? I've been over and over this for days, and I'm getting increasingly desperate.

 

[digger]

who my mother has told me I have to offer a bed for the night.

What else could I do?

You're an adult. You get to make your own decisions about who you have in your house, who you expose yourself and your own family to. It's not your mother's place to make those decisions for you. Please read your post back - you are considering endangering yourself. For what?

What does your husband think about this arrangement?

 

[Friday]

If for some earthly reason you CHOOSE* to offer him a bed? (Agree with Digger 100%)

Offer the one at the hotel as far across town as is humanly possible.

***

Just because you've already said yes? Doesn't mean you can't change you mind at any point and say NO. Personally, I'm all for slamming the door in the bastards face and telling him he must be high to think he'd ever be welcome in your home and tell him he has until the police show up to get the f*ck up of your property, & never set foot there again, or the only bed he'll be in is in jail.

But for your own peace of mind? Say no, now. Or in your therapists office if you need the backup. Or with your husband. No. Nope. Nada. Ain't happening. f*cktard can sleep in a dumpster if he can't manage a phone to dial a hotel & book himself in.

Adult Trick : You don't have to do what your parents tell you to do. Ever. Especially when they're wrong.

 

[Sandstone]

No, I don't get to make those decisions. I've been able to avoid this situation for a couple of years, but she now perceives me as getting better so has decided I need to behave more normally.

When she said he was coming, my husband asked if was OK with it, I said no but I had no choice without going into explanations.And I thought I could probably do it. At some stage I have to, as we could be in this situation for 30 years or more

 

[Sandstone]

I think maybe I need to go a hotel. But if I do I'm going to make my husband worried.

Please don't keep telling me I have the choice not to do this, as that moment is passed I need to find a way ti get through to Friday afternoon

 

[Sandstone]

The thing is, I'm not at war with him, just afraid of being made to face distress. Long ago he apologised, genuinely and sincerely, and has spent years in his own therapy. I decided to forgive him, so it's only my own fear that limits me now. For many years we had a good relationship, but then my delayed PTSD blew up

While I was looking unwell externally, she could see it was asking too much, but now it doesn't look like that. Now, making waves would bring up so much turmoil, and it is me who has to deal with her day to day. I know there would be endless digs and it would, in her eyes, be all my fault.

A wicked bit of me did think of saying " Well, you made me share a bed with him, so maybe you could share your own" But she would only do hurt and offended

 

[shimmerz]

If you had a girlfriend who was in the same position, what would you advise her to do @stenni? No judgement here at all, just trying to externalize ......

 

[illusionist]

Maybe you can talk to him about what this is bringing up for you?...and if he does genuinely care about your feelings he will look for alternative arrangements.

Mother does not need to be involved in this at all.

 

[Sandstone]

If you had a girlfriend who was in the same position, what would you advise her to do @sten...

I'd say " Come and stay with me till it's all over". But I've cut myself off from all my friends, though they still try to contact me.

 

[Sandstone]

Mother does not need to be involved in this at all.

She is the one who invited him and told me I had to offer him a bed. I haven't spoken to him for at least four years

 

[illusionist]

I take it that your mother lives with you?

 

[Sandstone]

in annexe, yes