Self Compassion Challenge For Those With Illness, Complex Trauma And Child Abuse

[ms spock]

It can start by being self compassionate about your lack of self compassion.

I suggest that it is important not to beat yourself up for your total or partial inability to do loving kindness or self compassion. If you do beat yourself up, then possibly aim for not beating yourself up for beating yourself up, if you know what I mean.

 

[Fadeaway]

Walks into thread feeling very unsure, and sort of guilty. Fears that self compassion will lead to selfishness and ego issues.

 

[Tinyflame]

I would like to try @Ms Spock . Thanks. :hug:

 

[ms spock]

Walks into thread feeling very unsure, and sort of guilty. Fears that self compassion will lead to selfishness and ego issues.

She talks about this really well in one of her TX Talks and also in some of her youtube videos. Self compassion actually increases empathy, it is self esteem that increases narcissism. I will try and find that for you at some point in the next week or so.

I invited you @Junebug and @Fadeaway.

 

[Saria]

Good idea, I think I'd like to join too :)

Maybe someone on this forum is really good at self compassion

I'm not good at self compassion at all (quite the opposite), but I've read a lot about the subject, and been working with it for a few years. A few books I like are Self Compassion (Kristin Neff), The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion (Christopher Germer), The Compassionate Mind (Paul Gilbert) and The Wise Heart (in the framework of Buddhist psychology by Jack Kornfield). This online article is about self-compassion in trauma survivors. It's really great: http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Germer.Neff_.Trauma.pdf

I've previously attended a couple of week-long mindfulness retreats that included daily metta/loving kindness practices. I find the traditional metta practices a bit too difficult though, so I prefer Kristin Neff or Tara Brach's guided meditations. I also like Chrisopher Germer's "Compassionate Image Meditation" that you can find on this site: Link Removed

It's also possible to take Neff's Self-compassion test on her site, so maybe that could be an idea for the first day or before the challenge or something if anyone is interested? You can find it here: http://self-compassion.org/test-how-self-compassionate-you-are/

I don't post a lot on this forum because of all my self-hatred, criticizing everything I write, so participating in the challenge might be a good idea for me too. I think my first goal would be to not beat myself up for beating myself up..

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Ms Spock & @Saria ^ .

 

[Chava]

I've done Metta meditation. It's not quite my thing, though I love the idea. I am, however, working more with self compassion and I know it's a really valid and important challenge. Keep going for it @Ms Spock !

 

[ms spock]

I think my first goal would be to not beat myself up for beating myself up..

Welcome Home Saria! This is one of my big challenges as well. It is so hard to stop being myself for beating myself up.

Thanks for the resources that you contributed! They are most helpful.

I like Kristin Neff a lot and Tara Brach is so generous in sharing her wisdom on youtube for free. I have read a little Kornfield but not much.

I invited you Saria.

 

[ms spock]

Thanks @Chava!

Do you want to be added to the private message or are you all good just reading this thread and so forth?

 

[ms spock]

Exciting news! Inspired by you all I did a self compassion break today.

I did a Tai Chi class, went to the beach, dissociated, lost my glasses, decided not to beat the living crap out of myself, did a self compassion practice, and I was present enough to actually find my glasses! I didn't have a meltdown about how bad my dissociation is and how much it costs me each day.

So by not beating myself up that I am a useless so and so for always dissociating - I was able to be present enough to actually find my glasses that were half buried in the sand. It was most remarkable and lucky to find them again. If I had been beating myself up I probably wouldn't have noticed or seen them.

So not hurting myself is an actual accomplishment! I didn't beat myself up today in that one instance!

 

[ms spock]

I was thinking one of the major things about moving towards self compassion is working out how to be self compassionate when you are not able to work on or be self compassion for yourself?

So I am putting it out on the forum to the brain's trust, as we have some pretty cluey people on this forum. Does anyone have some ideas or strategies on this? Has anyone worked on this? Anyone know any ideas along these lines?

For example:

Say if I was part of a self compassion challenge and for the whole 30 days I could only just read along and wasn't able to do the practice due to a PTSD relapse?

For example:

I was sick for two weeks and couldn't do the self compassion practice?

So perhaps then I could be aware of my propensity to beat myself for beating myself up.

Could I perhaps somehow by a different way of thinking, let myself off the hook?

For example - the positive I would focus on could be

- being part of a self compassion challenge, in that, I was thinking about it and perhaps leaning towards one day doing self compassion. So I would focus on the positives of thinking about self compassion, being in contact with people doing self compassion, and reading a little about self compassion perhaps, maybe even clicking like on people's posts and cheering them along if I had the energy on the day?

Does that make sense? What does the brain's trust think? @shell @DharmaGirl @Saria @KwanYingirl (there are quite a few of you - so please weigh in, if you feel so inclined)

 

[Chava]

I'm good just reading here (I tend to let my message box implode because I forget I have one here). Thank you. :)