Self Compassion Challenge For Those With Illness, Complex Trauma And Child Abuse

[Teasel]

I'm interested in doing this too. Though a little unsure what it will involve exactly. I like what @Recovery4Me says about people going at their own pace

 

[ms spock]

I think going at your own pace is crucial @Berlinda. Both for self compassion and Mindfulness. Gently, Gently, softly, softly at first. Even reading along and thinking about one day doing self compassion is a beginning. So if where you are at is reading along, and perhaps cheering other people along from time to time or liking a post, that is fine too.

The idea of actually doing anything to do with self compassion was so over whelming to me that I thought it would never be possible. I started out with microseconds, and I am still learning. I am a humble beginner. My Mindfulness practice is assisting me and I have practiced that for three years now. It is the nature for the mind to wander - but for complex trauma mind it is the nature to slash, burn, destroy and annihilate myself with my thoughts. Slowly I am working my way out of this.

 

[ms spock]

Ms. Spock - a few things. Thank you for your post.

You are very welcome @VioletButterfly!

At the same time, last night I had made a decision during that morning that I would take 15 minutes to sit in my loft and not engage in self-destructive behavior upon returning from work. Just those 15 minutes. A start. I did it. For one day, I chose "hope",

Oh that is so wonderful @VioletButterfly!

I'm not a good mindfulness person as it tends to send me reeling. Maybe I'm thinking about or doing it wrong, but it just doesn't feel good. Maybe that's the point at first though. I don't know.

Having a reasonable teacher is always good - and doing it in a group is much easier than doing it alone. Being grounded is a good thing. Also being able to refute your distorted thoughts is also important.

Mindfulness can be quite a ride but you need not to get into the thought cascades and solidify depression. "The Mindful Way Through Depression" suggests not to start Mindfulness if you are in a depressive episode. Care needs to be taken not to put too much on yourself if you have trauma.

So 3 x 1 minute per day can be a way to start - I think youtube videos or guided audio can be really helpful for those that dissociate, depersonalise and derealise.

What I can do it to sit in prayer for a few minutes and think about gratitude, and know that someone loves me and cares about me.

That is just the ticket - that is a type of loving kindness/metta meditation. That is great that you can do that. It is also self compassionate as well!

Thank you for the book offerings. I believe I've heard of the David Burns book before and will check out both books. What I did find while looking at the mindfulness exercise and the videos on YouTube was a Brene Brown TED talk on shame and guilt. This is a route I can go.

Extra resources are welcome. Perhaps I will open a folder for everyone to contribute stuff to in the media section? That could be a good idea.

Maybe it's that it's not so personal; but, in a way is so totally is, it's just a different framework to work out a relationship with ourselves where we can understand and honor what we've lived through and are dealing with on a daily basis. Maybe it's an upper layer to going deeper where you are working. I don't know. I don't seem to know a lot right now. It's not a good time, but I am alive today and I can try again to help myself. So, all that being said, I'm in. I want to learn how to care about myself and to honor myself whether I'm having a good or bad day without judgment or punishment.

That sounds great! I am glad you are in! There is a lot I don't know myself. So we will learn together.

 

[Wastinglight]

I have been thinking of running a Self Compassion Challenge for awhile now.

Thank you for setting this up. I will definitely participate.

I have a couple of months struggling even to do a self compassion exercise and the first few times I just bawled my eyes out, and I resisted doing it with every fibre of my being. I am too bad for self compassion. So I have no skills just a burning desire to get well and improve my life, and improve my symptom management of my PTSD.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Earlier in the year, my T suggested I start with this simple self-compassion exercise: stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and give yourself a cuddle and tell yourself "I love you." It sounds so silly when you write it down, but when I actually did the exercise, I ended up bawling my eyes out, just as you did. In fact, every time I do it, I cry like a baby. I honestly don't know how much it helps in the long run, but at least I feel a bit better after a cry. I guess it does feel good to self-soothe in a tactile way like this. I am a very physically affectionate person - I need to give and receive hugs often. I feel like I've been deprived of that for a long time now. I am close with most of my family, and sometimes I wish they didn't live interstate, so I could just go visit one of them and get/give hugs and love when I needed it. It helps to have Tilly puppy in my life now. But still not quite the same as hugs from a human person.

But, as you say, it take at least 30 days to form a new habit. I'm in.

 

[ms spock]

@Wastinglight it doesn't sound like a silly exercise at all, it sounds profoundly self soothing - and when you didn't get that as a child and still haven't learnt it as an adult - well it is huge. I still find it a bit struggle.

 

[ms spock]

This thread has helped me move towards thinking of doing self compassion.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/name-that-distorted-cognition-thought-perception.54277/

It helps to have ways to dispute those distorted thoughts, perceptions and feelings. Anthony suggests that a PTSD person needs to know these 10 primary cognitive distortions as well as their own phone number. I am not there yet, but I am getting better at identifying them.

The 10 primary cognitive distortions are:

1. All or nothing thinking -- You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Over-generalization -- You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter -- You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it so exclusively that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
4. Disqualifying the positive -- You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
5. Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.)
6. Magnification and minimization -- You exaggerate the importance of things, or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny.
7. Emotional reasoning -- You assume that your emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are, as in "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
8. Should statements -- You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "should not," as if you have to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.
9. Labeling and mislabeling -- This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself.
10. Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.

 

[Wastinglight]

This thread has helped me move towards thinking of doing self compassion.

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I've seen this list before, but it's always good to read through it again, and remind myself of the areas that I need to work on.

@Wastinglight when you didn't get that as a child and still haven't learnt it as an adult - well it is huge. I still find it a bit struggle.

Yeah, I don't know - still working that out. I've suffered from generalised anxiety disorder since I was a little girl, so I guess at some point fear and self-loathing became a way of life. Reversing a lifetime of negative beliefs about myself and maladaptive coping behaviours sometimes feels like going down the rabbit hole.... it goes down a loooong way. I'm in no way afraid of self-examination and reflection, but there sure is a lot of stuff to sort through :rolleyes:. The quest continues...

 

[ms spock]

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Yeah, I don't know - still working that out. I've suffered from generalised anxiety disorder since I was a little girl, so I guess at some point fear and self-loathing became a way of life. Reversing a lifetime of negative beliefs about myself and maladaptive coping behaviours sometimes feels like going down the rabbit hole.... it goes down a loooong way.

The heartening thing is that the neuroscience is conclusive - neuroplasticity is a thing and learning new ways of being is possible with lots of practice.

But I totally understand it feels so foreign and so hard - and like it is too challenging to do. Ask me to do anything but SELF compassion!

Doesn't everyone know that if they knew the real me that they wouldn't like me at all? Ad infinitum.

 

[Wastinglight]

The heartening thing is that the neuroscience is conclusive - neuroplasticity is a thing and learning ne...

Yes, well put. I am the same. Practice makes perfect though!

 

[Ellabella44]

I tried the compassion break from Neff. One thing that blocked me a bit is the saying " this is a moment of suffering".

To me saying that would be putting myself into being a victim of someone else. And I prefer to think of myself as someone's survivor.

I was able to do the exercise by changing it to "this is a moment of struggle". To me that one change sounds more hopeful that things will get better when I work out how to turn that moment around into something manageable.

 

[ms spock]

Tailoring it for yourself and your particular healing and recovery journey is most creative and wise @Ellabella44. Kristin Neff does say to use the words that make the most sense to you.

 

[ms spock]

There are 7 Guided Meditations that can be downloaded for free and 8 exercises to work through or do here.

http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations

I was thinking of starting with the self compassion break, as it is 7 minutes long.

What do you all think?

I will start a private message and include everyone who has indicated interest so far.