Recovering From How Close You Came To Suicide?

[ctrauma ninja]

You may or may not relate. Last year I was in a crisis where I was self harming and experiencing huge pain where I wanted to end my own life. I had the right intervention at the right time, I am very lucky. Though I was in denial about how close I came this morning I really came to realise just how close I came to attempting suicide. How do you cope with that? It seems like a trauma in itself.

 

[Eagle3]

I've come REALLY close to trying, and the thought used to scare me. That's why I got the help I did, and have been seeing the therapist I am. I would not have gone this route as far as therapeutic modalities if I hadn't been desperate. That said, I've made the conscious choice to die so many times it just doesn't bother me anymore. I can talk about suicide as if I'm discussing tomorrow's breakfast menu. I realize I'm effed up, but that's why I'm in therapy. My way of coping is to think about death as if it were an eager partner. I need to keep that in check, and stick around as long as I can, because death means the end of any chance for change. I'm not giving up! And I realize that the fight to stay alive makes me a warrior in my own right....this is a fight that I will win!

 

[Friday]

For myself I use it as a tool. I know I go there. The years I didn't die were based on luck, not skill... So I set up safety nets for myself; things both to slow the descent & to stop me once I get there.

 

[Ronin]

^^

And not doing what's entertaining at the moment. Surely, many times suicide seems like an entertaining solution to whatever petty problem I'm having, but where's the fun after when I'm dead, & where's bringing fun to people that actually love my company? Nowhere.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I think the fact that it scares you now is a good sign - it means you value your life.

When I'm at my worst, the suicidal impulses and behaviors just seem so normal and so welcome. When I'm a little bit better, I'm scared by them, which means I don't actually want to die.

Hopefully this is the case for you right now, meaning, hopefully, you are valuing your worth and your life more than you once did.

 

[Crow]

Definitely a trauma within a trauma. It's taken a decade for me to come to terms with my last nearly successful attempt....still having suicidal tendencies but usually when therapy is touching on deeply hidden crap.

 

[JoAnnex7]

I've also came really close to attempting suicide and the thought scares me a lot. Im not necessarily that much better than I was when I was willing to end my own life. I don't want to go back there again. I worked hospital programs and went to residential for a month and have been seeing a therapist for a long time.. I keep my medications updated (like keep making sure they're doing their job) and keep making goals for myself. I need to work on a lot of things but right now I especially need to work on taking it one day at a time and hopefully other things will fall into place.

 

[Kailani]

It doesn't scare me. It's a lifestyle for too many years. I think I'm more afraid of the other side after suicide and harming loved ones. Otherwise I'd be gone a long long time ago. Life can be awesome and it can also @&$/?!)" suck!!

 

[Mit]

When I woke up in hospital after an overdose, the realisation dawned that not only had I failed, but that the issues I was running away from were still there, just as bad, the depressive emotions were over-whelming. Somebody on the ward, talked to me for five minutes, I had no idea who they were, doctor, nurse? No idea. I didn't hear what they were saying either, it was just a blur.

I walked out into the day alone, nobody tried to stop me. I had no money, no phone, no car, miles from home, wearing the clothes I had slept in. I thought about my options, face reality again, or there was a railway bridge not too far away, I decided I would jump from it. During the walk to the bridge the same friends that had found me and called the ambulance before pulled up alongside and got me into their car. The hospital had phoned them to collect me and called them again after I walked out. It was pure fluke they saw me on the road. They took me home and I spent a very dark week with them, until my own family came back and I went back home, and tried to contemplate facing reality.

That was about six years ago. I'm glad I failed, for the sake of my sons. They were 9 and 10 at the time, now 15 and 16; happy, magical, beautiful young people. They drape their arms around me, hug me, make fun of now being taller than me, and that I am losing my hair. They are unharmed, and have matured into lovely young people with a bright future, I still have to pinch myself sometimes. I almost missed it.

I still have times when I get down and I think about suicide again. But these are generally passing thoughts, and I have no plans.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You may or may not relate. Last year I was in a crisis where I was self harming and experiencing huge pain where...

28 failed attempts, few times in the ER, most of the time body just expelled the pills I took even when I rook anti-nausia meds an hr before, branch broke once trying to hang myself, more times than not i passed out and woke up saying "f*ck im still alive" and think about it and have thought about it every day since i was 8, im now almost 35. Come to your own conclusion on that...