What Do You Think About The Term "dry Drunk"?

[The Albatross]

That very well may be, but it is apt and an astute way of acknowledging the behaviors behind drinking or substance abuse even when someone's been abstinent or sober for a good long while.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I'm getting a lot from this thread and others' responses. I don't think I can add insight to what's been said, but I will say, I've gone back and forth about pot use. I don't drink particularly -- a beer a month and I don't generally like it. But pot has both been useful in managing really intrusive symptoms as well as anxiety but also I know can be a crutch and very much see the addictive potential (or reality).

Many years ago I went to AA for a while, though ultimately decided I wasn't an alcoholic because it was trivial to not drink. I remember thinking there were some people who had like 27 years sober who still seemed like raging assholes. Looking at myself, I see dysfunctional patterns and I assume there are things I do not see. I can be an asshole (and a Masshole). It's very easy to distract enough with whatever that I avoid looking at things I need to work on, that no one but me can work on. I've found more meaningful insights in programs like Adult Children of Alcoholics (despite the fact my parents didn't drink), where a lot is focused on looking at one's own patterns, in my experience more so than my prior experience with AA groups.

Anyway I am trying to practice not blathering so much myself. Thanks for the topic.

 

[The Albatross]

@Jemini - the ACOA material is really helpful for people with dysfunctional families. I did a self study on that and used their daily reader/thought for the day for a year long goal challenge a while back. I got a lot out of it. I was looking for it just the other day cuz of some stuff with my mother, but I think I gifted it to somebody.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

@The Albatross I truthfully don't remember seeing and apparently liking your post here (hmmmm).

I've been told at AC(o)A meetings to read these materials. My "ADHD" as the docs might diagnose it has in the last couple years meant that I can barely get through a comic book much less book books. I don't offer this as excuse, just, I wish I could read everything. I am thinking I will look at the Van Der Kolk title you suggested first. But perhaps I will hit some meetings as I have not gone in a while. Thank you for this suggestion.

 

[Powder]

If someone can be sober for decades, then their problem is not with the chemicals they once put in their bodies. Science would look deeper and ask what drove them to self-medicate in the first place. Those who seem to have had the most success in 12 steps went beyond that and did the Dx with qualified professionals and followed a treatment thing, along with counseling during any crisis times.

Those most successful didn't only rely on 12 steps. That was part of a set of interventions and growth opportunities for support.

That is all I can see. Granted, I am not an addict, in that I've never experienced it. I have avoided all "drugs," and even try to get off of any that I don't think I need medically. I prefer to sip a half a glass of wine sometimes, red, for my health and taste. D.A.R.E. was a positive prevention for me in school, and I decided at that time I didn't want to be around drugs at all.

A very early memory was seeing my Dad shooting up something in our home's bathroom. This was very scary, and needles still bother me. I'm actually glad I saw that, as it likely made me see the worst side of addiction early on.

I hate feeling drunk or medicated, or even too full of food, anyway.

I'm told by my N.A. relative that I don't qualify as an addict but that leaves only codependent.

For those in 12 steps, is that truly what they preach? That all people are either A or C?

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Muse I am a recovering alcoholic with 24 years of sobriety. I still crave it. I am not a dry drunk. I am not and never have been an asshole. Every member of my fathers relatives were alcoholics as was he. All my siblings are recovering alcoholics. We all have abuse histories, mine the worst as it was also sexual with a few life threatening crimes as a young adult. I am grateful to AA and would be dead if it hadn't been for the support of many varied people who shared two traits-an addiction to alcohol and a desire to be sober. It's that simple.

 

[Powder]

I would agree with @KwanYingirl that the term is not fair to apply to people in general.

I certain think the term "dry drunk" would have to have some kind of negative connotation about a person's character. That is why I agree with you that this is not accurate. Just because someone has a time of drinking in life, especially if they had trauma as a child, doesn't make them this and doesn't stop them from growing as a person into someone especially gifted and kind if choosing to be sober or limit addictive things in life.

 

[The Albatross]

"For those in 12 steps, is that truly what they preach? That all people are either A or C?" ... Nope, not by a long shot. It was very beneficial for me.

 

[rainy_daze]

Thanks for sharing

Thank you for replying and making the healing process sound normal [the symptom spike and forgetting there are ways to cope]. I know I'm not the only person who struggles with self medicating, but it always helps when someone reminds me that slip ups/relapses can happen. Well done on coming so far with it all Jnean.

I'm not suggesting denial, just not the opposite of denial, which is self-denigration and giving up.

I don't see any need to accept this label as valid for you, or anyone for that matter, if you were not given it by your physician. Give yourself a hug, not a guilt trip.

^ Wise words Muse. I wasn't starting to add this as a label to my identity, it is that I relate to the term a lot. There is still a steep climb for me on this journey. If I notice something, like having a huge emotional reaction to TV show [a bit pathetic huh?], then I will pull on that thread to figure out my issues and keep working on them. I have tried for a long time to not feel shame about my self medicating, but it is still there. When I'm not self medicating, I'm very much like a "dry drunk", especially the parts that I quoted and underlined.

My identity is more complicated than a handful of negative labels, however, and I'm not sure the term is supposed to be used in a derogatory way. I assumed it was to challenge others when they still have things to work on in AA recovery.

I find wake up calls difficult. I will give myself a hug, thank you :)

 

[rainy_daze]

I'm not that. Anymore

:tup:

@FridayJones I found the term and the thread useful, but I understand your point. I think my stress cup overflowing brings me back to habits I wish I hadn't started.

:banghead::locktopic: I'm running low on words.

@The Albatross Thank you for sharing the article with me. My next appointment with my T is a general review, and I'm not entirely sure where to go after that. My T was aware of my self medicating throughout therapy, but told me to do what I had to do in order to survive. So that is what I did. It is a hard battle. I will try to approach the subject with her but I don't know if there will be any time.

Why can't you see your therapist for another half a year?

I had a time-limited kind of therapy. It is a review appointment to talk about how things have been since completing group therapy. I did individual therapy with her for a couple of years [about 20 sessions], then a break, then the group therapy, an individual appointment, and now a break before this review. Thank you for the concern Chava. I think this is her way of winding down as I don't enjoy goodbyes, I think she will suggest something else if I need it [I would like to keep seeing my T because I trust her but I don't think that is an option].

@shimmerz You are also suggesting talking to my T, so I will attempt to make the time to discuss it.

@Ed Norton :laugh: I read your reply in such a sarcastic, isn't this obvious to you, kind of tone. You were probably just using your normal voice. You are correct Dr Ed. I liked your reply too @Davidbowie

I've found more meaningful insights in programs like Adult Children of Alcoholics

My [abusive] father liked to drink. It made it easier for him to be a disgusting and horrible bastard. I'd probably get something out of looking into that Jemini, but that is a thread I don't want to pull.

I have also found it difficult, due to my country, to explain that I believe my [abusive] father is/was an alcoholic, only to be met with responses such as:
"Did he have a drink before going to work? You're only really an alcoholic if you have to drink the entire day. Drinking every night isn't the same"

But then that is someone else in denial of my childhood and what was really going on. [It is also the cultural norm to drink and people are so shocked if you say that you don't] I'm frustrated that when the penny dropped for me I didn't have anyone in real life saying maybe that is why addiction came so easily to you, because you have a biological predisposition to it. I'd have probably started drinking and using cannabis regardless, I was extremely unhappy, I was living through abuse and hurtling towards further trauma.

[Maybe I'm more upset that in my life I can't just scream or cry and be truthful about why, because my family don't know the extent of the abuse] :stop:.

Just because someone has a time of drinking in life, especially if they had trauma as a child, doesn't make them this and doesn't stop them from growing as a person into someone especially gifted and kind if choosing to be sober or limit addictive things in life

^ Quote Of The Month :D.

Afterthought: @Muse I'm glad you mentioned the guilt trip. I've been neglecting the work on guilt and shame. I just realised a lot of my shame around the self medicating is from opinions of others that I have heard about "addicts". Negative and ignorant opinions. It is also from the hard time I give myself about not having the life I imagined as a child. See, I don't need a T, I learn more from the members here :hilarious:.