Body Memories And A Nightmare At The Same Time?

[Panda Bear]

I'm probably crazy....

It's been a few weeks since I've had a nightmare, or a hard time sleeping. Last night got me and while I was having a nightmare...l wasn't full asleep either. Usually I'm either really tense, or curled up in a ball, panic or something similar. Last night in the middle of it, I could feel more. More in a way that upset met greatly, it was CSA nightmare...and it was uncomfortable. Does that make sense? I've had them before about my CSA just flashbacks and replay of what the space looked like, the house, the room, persons face. I'll fight and feel pain from fighting in my nightmare, but not other feelings.

Needless to say, it really got to me and upset me some. Or, a lot of I'm being honest.

 

[shimmerz]

Last night in the middle of it, I could feel more.

Totally makes sense to me. I used to have nightmares and they would increase in intensity. They got really disturbing because they hit a 'core' thing about me. For instance, there was a series of nightmares that I didn't understand at all until the last one (and it took a bit to figure it out after I had it = I needed some distance from the emotion of it). They were dreams about how I felt that my humanity had been stripped from it. Consumed by others (because they had none of their own).

I find that when I get a more disturbing dream that I am getting to a substantial memory. I can't say I look forward to them, but knowing i am making progress really helps.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

That makes total sense to me. Sometimes when I have a rape nightmare I feel it. Like at the time of the dream and when I wake up too. Not every time but quite a lot. I thought that was normal though. Isn't it? Maybe not I've never really spoken about it.
it's really horrible and upsetting I'm sorry you had to go through that.

:hug: If you accept them.

 

[Panda Bear]

It probably is normal, @NoWhereKnowWhere. I didn't mean to make you feel otherwise. I just questioned my sanity in that moment, you know? It was a horrible feeling, and I'm sorry you have it too.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

No you didn't make me feel otherwise I've just never spoken about it which I think is quite interesting because they are so scary and upsetting. And in fact I don't think I would've posted on this thread if I had had one very recently which makes me think I'm avoiding talking about them. Useful personal insight and something to discuss with T. Thank you.

 

[Fraenzy MDM]

I had this kind of nightmares, body experiences too, for like...10 years, not every night, I of course had months where I did not have them. But they occured once in a while, when I was younger I had acsess to diazepam, so when the "dreams" came hunting me a few days in a row, I started to use diazepam to finally sleep.

The feelings I had were intense and I knew this is not a "dream" at least that were always my thoughts while I experienced them, Unlike normal dreams I really felt the pain I was experiencing... Sometimes I really had problems in differentiating if that what I was feeling was real now or not and I always needed to check afterwards if I had bruises or call s.o. to understand what happened. So I can totally relate to your description, that u werent fully asleep...

I sometimes managed myself to wake up, using different strategies...I do not know if this is sth. that is used regularily...I did this without being in therapy...