Sufferer Is Isolation Really A Good Idea?

[kirE]

After surviving an intensely abusive childhood and an equally abusive relationship which ended with my partner of 10 years attempting to strangle me, I was diagnosed with PTSD which was then later upgraded to C-PTSD by my therapist.
Today in therapy I was told it is wrong for me to ask for help from others. I need to manage my triggers on my own. That asking for help when triggered is rude and inconsiderate, that I need to manage them entirely on my own.
Now I have issues with trusting people because of my C-PTSD and human interaction has been the only reason I have not committed suicide to date. Now I am being told I need to isolate myself when a trigger happens. At this point I guess death would be better then continually bothering people with my issues. I shut down my social media so I wouldn't be tempted to find validation from Social Media. I sent a break up text to my budding relationship. I told my friends to stay away and now I feel like I can now end my life with ease.

 

[Friday]

It sounds like some wires got crossed somewhere. Being responsible for our own triggers? That's wildly different from cut off all contact from the world and die alone.

 

[hodge]

Hmm, I don't understand why your therapist wants you to isolate yourself. I mean, yeah, I would reserve the venting and the bulk of the C-PTSD stuff for the forum, but there are ways to get support from other people in your life other than dumping all your C-PTSD stuff on them, which you probably know. What I do is just email a friend that I'm feeling low and ask to get together for lunch or tea at my house. I don't ask my friends to help me with my triggers or symptoms -- they don't know how, after all -- just to get together once in a while to get some support, than change the subject and let them talk about their stuff. Though my friends are aware of my situation and do care how I'm doing, I am very careful to not monopolize the conversation or email with my stuff. Finally, yeah, dealing with our triggers is our responsibility, but you can still get support. Especially here. Don't give up!

 

[sun seeker]

Today in therapy I was told it is wrong for me to ask for help from others. I need to manage my triggers on my own. That asking for help when triggered is rude and inconsiderate, that I need to manage them entirely on my own.

Really? :eek:

There is a difference between being responsible for our triggers, as in, we don't blame others or demand that they change what they are doing so we can avoid them, and being... well, the word that comes to mind is shamed for our triggers. What are you supposed to do, hide in your room until your PTSD is cured?

Is it at all possible that there was a miscommunication? If you're sure you heard your therapist right, then I would strongly suggest the first item on the agenda is looking for a new therapist. This one is just plain wrong. It doesn't have to be this way. Please give yourself another chance and look for a therapist with some human warmth.

 

[kirE]

It sounds like some wires got crossed somewhere. Being responsible for our own triggers? That's wild...

I have been more open and honest with friends when I am being triggered and either asking for validation of truth versus what my triggers have been telling me. I was told by my therapist I was being rude of me and I needed to be responsible for validating my own triggers. However because of the abuse I survived as a child, I have poor interpersonal skills I have learned to cover up with humor and wit instead of actually talking about what I am feeling.

 

[kirE]

Really???

There is a difference between being responsible for our triggers, as in, we don't b...

This is the third therapist in a year. I thought I was being responsible of notifying the person I was being triggered and wanted to understand reality versus what my PTSD is telling me.

 

[hodge]

Oh, and yeah, a new therapist is in order, I agree.

 

[sun seeker]

I thought I was being responsible of notifying the person I was being triggered and wanted to understand reality versus what my PTSD is telling me.

That sounds like a reasonable request, though not necessarily one that everyone is equipped to answer. Possibly better to take the question to therapy (with a competent therapist!) to mull over. If the person you are talking to (I'm taking a wild guess here, I have no idea) is also triggered by whatever was going on, or maybe just has poor communication skills, they might not be able to help you find the answer. So I can see this not always working well, but that's very different from it being rude and inconsiderate to ask and that you should manage your triggers entirely on your own. Is that last, word for word, what your therapist said? Or is there some possibly some interpretation going on?

 

[kirE]

Oh, and yeah, a new therapist is in order, I agree.

I am having trouble finding qualified trauma therapists who take Medicaid here in Seattle. I was given three names from my insurer and all three refused to take me because of medicaid was so bad about paying them.

 

[hodge]

Oh, wow. Have you tried any non-profit mental health clinics? A good therapist doesn't have to specialize in trauma.

 

[kirE]

That sounds like a reasonable request, though not necessarily one that everyone is equipped to answer...

I was simply told to breathe, watch TV, go out and walk, yet given much

That sounds like a reasonable request, though not necessarily one that everyone is equipped to answer...

I am not asking others to manage my triggers for me. I never have asked others to handle my problems. What I was asking the individual in this particular instance was clarification because I was feeling a trigger coming on and I wanted to stem the tide before it became a problem. My therapist told me I needed to find validation and confirmation within myself of what is really happening versus asking others what their words or actions are intended to mean.
I studied communication and

Oh, wow. Have you tried any non-profit mental health clinics? A good therapist doesn't have to specialize...

I was at one. I was bounced around from therapist to therapist. I basically got whoever had an open schedule. Hence why I moved to the current one.

 

[sun seeker]

My therapist told me I needed to find validation and confirmation within myself of what is really happening versus asking others what their words or actions are intended to mean.

Yes, this is a view oft expressed in popular psychology. To me, it's a huge oversimplification. (Not saying you are oversimplifying - the books that put it this simply are.) How much experience does your therapist have?

Eventually, once we get stronger, much of our validation will come from within ourselves, yes. I don't think it will ever be 100%. We are social beings. That's part of being human.

If you have complex trauma beginning in childhood, that means you missed important building blocks, some of which have to do with the experiences that gradually build that ability to know who you are and that you are a good person independently of how others are behaving. To expect someone to have that ability from nowhere is like telling them to jump from A to Z without going through all the other letters of the alphabet. That was a really bad analogy, but I'm trying to answer this quickly and hope you'll forgive my clumsiness and take it as intended, which is to say, your therapist is expecting something that is well nigh impossible for someone with developmental trauma.

I'm sorry it's so hard to find a good therapist, but please, keep looking. This one really doesn't sound helpful at all. Honest, it doesn't have to be this way.