Advice & Comfort? Setback Or Normal Healing?

[MesaRock]

Just checking in with folks for some reassurance that the dips and hard times can get better? Am i (at four months into therapy) making progress getting to the big stuff, or am I losing ground? For a while I was doing really well with weekly therapy and acupuncture and was starting to feel a litltle more like myself again. A little more. I had a good month and the last three weeks have been heinous - my therapist has been gone for 5 weeks and I can feel myself struggling to cope with a huge amount of FEELINGS. my alllies say these feelings are a sign of healing. My ability to function has definitely decreased in the last two weeks - again my allies say that's because I'm trying to push myself more than I did before. I don't know what to think.

After a grueling 8 year marriage and a year of separation, we are starting divorce proceedings. I saw attorney on friday for first time (major trigger) and then on Monday I had to talk to my ex for two hours (major major trigger). I actually moved through these events with dignity and kept it together - businesslike, no crying, etc. I'm also planning a move because I can't stand NYC anymore, so I've been working hard on job search and planning...and trying to sketch out my idea of a new life.

But yesterday I worked for five hours in the morning and then just fell into panic attacks and triggers and grief beyond grief. Keep crying.It's been like that for January now constantly, whereas I actually thought I was making headway.

scared....

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I hear you. It is really scary. I am in the middle of a really bad spell right now. Someone said they were sorry for my setback or backslide. But when I thought about it, I realized, I have come a long way and that I am struggling because I am working on bigger issues so of course it's going to be harder and scarier. So, the logical part of me would like to reassure you that there is hope and it will get better. You just have to keep slogging through and remembering to take things one step at a time and look for the tiniest glimmer of hope or positive along the way.

 

[MesaRock]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve - Thank you for your empathy...it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm definitely taking on bigger issues..I mean, WAY bigger deeper harder issues that I couldn't even approach a few months ago. And my panic attacks, while unremitting, are always an opening to do work on the feeling or memory underneath that needs attention. I'm stunned by how much there is. It's 35 years of garbage that needs to be hauled out, and I do feel that I'm getting to the meatier stuff. This must be an improvement over simply collapsing with no idea why. So I guess that's good!

I think a large concern is that I expected to be more highly functioning when these bad spells come, but instead I struggle quite hard to eat, shower, and leave the house. I suppose I had a fantasy that basic functioning would be easier and THEN I would deal with the nasty stuff, whereas it now seems that my basic functioning will not improve UNTIL I deal with the nasty stuff.

 

[Panda Bear]

Yes, ups and downs are normal. Soon, they get farther apart and we begin to gain enough skill that we don't feel them as intensely.

Have some grace and compassion for your self. I know, easier said than done. I too am struggling with a setback.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I suppose I had a fantasy that basic functioning would be easier

Yeah, I had that fantasy at one point. I also thought, oh, just a few months of therapy and I will be all set. Not that easy. It takes time. But I have had some good spells and some hopeful times so just keep remembering it might be hard in this moment, but it can get better.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

scared....

I totally understand that feeling!

It sounds like its happening about the same time the therapy gap happened?

I know if i miss a week of therapy i can feel a difference, im agitated more, snappy more, my anxiety runs my life...hard to do my job & actually care if i fix a customer's issue or not & almost feel like 'how dare you call me; i feel like ripping my head off!" Gets worse the longer i go w/o seeing him.

Then when i go back to therapy it all levels off. I think thats what will happen here. Expect anxiety and these sort of feelings, you're already dealing w/ a lot (btw, i hate NYC too! :) ) but once you get back into therapy it will all be ok.

Im talking to myself here too when i say i does get better! :hug: message box always open if you need someone to talk to!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It's 35 years of garbage that needs to be hauled out, and I do feel that I'm getting to the meatier stuff. This must be an improvement over simply collapsing with no idea why. So I guess that's good!

I can completely relate! Im 34 almost 35 & i tell my therapist all the time that he's turning me into a "crazy woman" but it seems that once i get to the other side of it, it was all for the better!

 

[EveHarrington]

I had a heck of a time when I first started healing. I'd have many bad days with very few good days scattered randomly amongst them all. Over time I started having more and more good days. Now I have s lot more good days than bad days (relatively speaking). I think if I charted out my good days and my bad days, it would look like a crazy sine wave! I guess what I'm saying is that bad days will continue to happen most likely. It's the overall picture that counts!

 

[MesaRock]

Thanks everybody for the encouragement. I did feel a bit better when I talked to my therapist - she said I'm doing really well and everything I'm experiencing is normal for the process. 100% normal. it made me feel good, then I stopped believing her when I woke up this morning to another anxiety visitation and thought well, i don't care that this is normal, it sucks. Oh well. At least I'm back on track with her.

she refused to see me twice a week - I asked if she would just to get me through this rough patch. I guess i'm supposed to just hardball it on my own and continue to exhaust my support network. I've talked to other people who say their therapists will email or talk with them on the phone during a crisis but I guess she's not of that philosophy. Or else she's telling the truth.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I guess she's not of that philosophy. Or else she's telling the truth.

Is she in a group? Cuz mine is who sees patients every hr all day except for lunch do he doesnt give anyone his cell # or email addy. I found that sucked too when so many can just text their therapist but he found me a pretty good place to talk between sessions (here) ;)

You'll get through this. I didnt know the term "grounding" though my therapist and i have talked about some of this, we didnt call it that so i found this old thread which i found useful for many different things:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/breathing-and-grounding.3637/

In the replies one poster posts all kinds of different things. Its better than really anything i could google.

Im glad you are feeling better! :hug: