We get a lot of new supporters here asking about isolation. I am a sufferer and I am an isolator. I am just one person and not representative of every person who isolates, but I can tell you about my experience with it.
Every therapist and Psychiatrist report I have ever seen with my name on it says I have a tendency to self-isolate.
In the weeks or months prior to me entering an isolation phase, I will find that it is harder for me to maintain normalcy in front of people. It is harder to keep my emotions hidden in public. I might get unfairly snappy with a store clerk or weepy eyed on the bus. That starts a downward cycle. I stop worrying so much about self-care habits. I will start telling myself it is ok to wear the same shirt 3 days in a row to save on laundry as long as the same people aren't going to see me. I'll start avoiding phone calls. I'll tell myself I'll call that person back, but next thing I know, it's been a week and since I can't come up with a good enough excuse as to why I haven't called back, I will continue not to return that phone call, even though I know I should.
If things are very stressful, I start to cut people out of my life based on 2 criteria, how much effort does my relationship with this person take? And how forgiving will they be. People who fall high on those two are the first to be cut. Good friends on-line will see me taking longer to reply, but they don't see that I am still wearing the shirt from three days ago, and that I haven't brushed my hair all day, so I can take refuge in that, because I end up in a battle of loneliness; but not haveing the strength or, ability to face up to the embarrassment, disappointment or a hundred other reasons I tell myself that it is too late to contact someone. People online can't see my puffy eyes from crying or disheveled clothing. And I certainly don't have to risk them showing up at my door unannounced when housework has well been forgotten.
There are times of the year, especially around the winter holidays and trauma anniversaries that isolation is a given. Bt major life stressors can cause it too. I just made contact with a long lost relative, and what am I doing? I am avoiding her because even though it is a wonderful thing for me, it is also overwhelming. I am working on trying to get myself in the right frame of mind.
My eventual return has to come from internal motivation. There is nothing anyone can do to bring me back before I am ready. Pressure drives me away. There are some people I am grateful will wait for me. Others, I just can't face and wish they would have moved on, because even when I do return, I am not going to want to be bombarded with trying to "repair" relationships. It is the people that I know things will pick up as normal as if I never isolated to begin with that bring me back.
One of the friends I miss the most from haveing moved far away from, never made an issue over my isolation. When I was ready I would call her up, and there was never an, "I haven't heard from you in 6 months." It was always, "Hey a let's go out for coffee." As if I had just seen her yesterday. She was a rare friend, but the best.
The ones who tried to "fix" my isolation, or blamed themselves for it and would push me to find out what they could do to themselves so I didn't isolate, were the ones I didn't have the energy to go back too.
I don't know if this will help any of the supporters out there as we all do things differently, but I hope it can provide a little bit of insight what goes through at least one sufferer's mind.
Every therapist and Psychiatrist report I have ever seen with my name on it says I have a tendency to self-isolate.
In the weeks or months prior to me entering an isolation phase, I will find that it is harder for me to maintain normalcy in front of people. It is harder to keep my emotions hidden in public. I might get unfairly snappy with a store clerk or weepy eyed on the bus. That starts a downward cycle. I stop worrying so much about self-care habits. I will start telling myself it is ok to wear the same shirt 3 days in a row to save on laundry as long as the same people aren't going to see me. I'll start avoiding phone calls. I'll tell myself I'll call that person back, but next thing I know, it's been a week and since I can't come up with a good enough excuse as to why I haven't called back, I will continue not to return that phone call, even though I know I should.
If things are very stressful, I start to cut people out of my life based on 2 criteria, how much effort does my relationship with this person take? And how forgiving will they be. People who fall high on those two are the first to be cut. Good friends on-line will see me taking longer to reply, but they don't see that I am still wearing the shirt from three days ago, and that I haven't brushed my hair all day, so I can take refuge in that, because I end up in a battle of loneliness; but not haveing the strength or, ability to face up to the embarrassment, disappointment or a hundred other reasons I tell myself that it is too late to contact someone. People online can't see my puffy eyes from crying or disheveled clothing. And I certainly don't have to risk them showing up at my door unannounced when housework has well been forgotten.
There are times of the year, especially around the winter holidays and trauma anniversaries that isolation is a given. Bt major life stressors can cause it too. I just made contact with a long lost relative, and what am I doing? I am avoiding her because even though it is a wonderful thing for me, it is also overwhelming. I am working on trying to get myself in the right frame of mind.
My eventual return has to come from internal motivation. There is nothing anyone can do to bring me back before I am ready. Pressure drives me away. There are some people I am grateful will wait for me. Others, I just can't face and wish they would have moved on, because even when I do return, I am not going to want to be bombarded with trying to "repair" relationships. It is the people that I know things will pick up as normal as if I never isolated to begin with that bring me back.
One of the friends I miss the most from haveing moved far away from, never made an issue over my isolation. When I was ready I would call her up, and there was never an, "I haven't heard from you in 6 months." It was always, "Hey a let's go out for coffee." As if I had just seen her yesterday. She was a rare friend, but the best.
The ones who tried to "fix" my isolation, or blamed themselves for it and would push me to find out what they could do to themselves so I didn't isolate, were the ones I didn't have the energy to go back too.
I don't know if this will help any of the supporters out there as we all do things differently, but I hope it can provide a little bit of insight what goes through at least one sufferer's mind.
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