Supporter Need Some Support And Guidance

[hangingon]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months. He was in active combat, no longer in service. He is truly a loving, caring, smart individual. He is a strong person with a gentleness about him. He absolutely swept me off my feet. He sent me the sweetest messages, was attentive, very honest. He made me feel loved and secure. He did tell me about the PTSD. I only saw some mild anxiety at times. I thought he must really have it under good control. He recently had a shift change at work and things started going downhill. I got less responses. He would abruptly cancel plans with odd excuses. This took quite a toll on me. I didn't understand. I took it personally. I kept thinking either he's lying for some reason or I did something wrong. Both of which didn't make sense. In any other relationship where PTSD isn't involved, the couple would sit & talk and figure out how to fix things and proceed. I kept being insisting about that. It pushed him farther. I was upset, feeling very rejected and hurt. I have cried, sent lengthy emotional messages (I now know that makes it worse)I was so worried about suicide at one point and kinda flipped out. I would occasionally get a short response. But always assured his love. I've been reading up and I know avoidance & isolation are big factors. I also know he needs support without the pressure. So I try to make contact daily, knowing he may not respond, sending him an encouraging quote or an I love you or a prayer. He's had a few good days meaning he will initiate contact. But its still brief. I am not sure how to best support him. I want to show him unconditional love. I want to help him. He deserves love. I just really have a hard time with the switch. I got groceroes and then sat in my car and cried a heart wrenching loud cry. My friend came andtook me out for drinks. I thought I could use it. Well I drank too much and ended up calling and texting him a million times. I miss him so much and I just made things worse. I don't know how to cope. I don't know how to effectively help him

 

[Mytime]

I can understand what your going through. All I can say is give him space to work on himself. I know it's hard to step back. But he NEEDS you to. His stress cup is over flowing with his own stress. He cannot take on your stress or needs.

Now I'm going to say, you need to take care of you. YES I said, take care of you. When I first came here, that is what everyone said to do. And I thought, are these people crazy. The person I love is pushing me away and hurting. I can't work on me, I need to help him.

But here's the thing. You can't help him or save him. It's up to him to do the work. But you can support him.

If you want to support him, you have to be good within yourself. There may be times he can't be with you and you have to be ok with that. You have to learn how to live your life when he is unable to be in it the way you want.

I am still working on it myself. It is hard, but the support I get on here helps. You no longer feel alone.

Sending hugs if you expect them

 

[intothelight]

@hangingon Welcome to the forum! :)

There is a section for supporters that you may find helpful and there is also the support for yourself. It is pretty clear that his isolation is causing you a lot of emotional discomfort, but it is also important that if you continue in this relationship that you learn how to handle the ups and downs without it wrecking you emotionally.

 

[hangingon]

@hangingon Welcome to the forum! :)

There is a section for supporters that you...

How do I get to the section for supporters?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :)

There is a lot of helpful information

To answer some questions, the links to the supporter sections are here: https://www.myptsd.com/#supporters.37

This can be reached through the main page

There is a lot of information and experiences that can be helpful :)

See ya around and good luck :hug: