Relationship I've Walked Away :-(

[Bubbles215]

had to make such a hard decision today and feel heartbroken but I had to do it for my own sake. His PTSD is not directly the reason why I've made the decision - in fact his diagnosis made me think more of him because it takes courage and bravery to seek help for it. If I thought even for a second he would come back I'd give him all the time and space he needed but this isolation is breaking me. He was the first guy to treat me so well after an entire adult life of being abused or mistreated in relationships.

This week we were supposed to be on holiday and I see him happily posting photos of where he is and where we were supposed to be. It hurts. He says he needs a lot of time for himself and I get that but it still hurts.

I've told him by text of my decision, the reasons why and how sad I am to take this way...his reaction....absolutely nothing.

 

[Forgetful]

I'm sorry to hear that. Breakups are hard for any reason. He may not have responded because he is overwhelmed (just a guess as that is how I would be). Overwhelming stress is so hard to deal with.

Take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy and be kind to yourself.:hug:

 

[Mytime]

I can see your pain and send you big hugs. It's ok to do what you need to,for yourself. No one is going to judge you for taking care of yourself. Please take the time to comfort yourself and be good to yourself. Wishing you luck on your new Journey. (((((Hugs)))))

 

[ladee]

I have such high respect and value for supporters!! I do not know how you hang in as long as you do. There is no shame in taking care of yourself.. and we can only be told so many times to not take it personal. You needing to make this decision for yourself is a reflection on how you want to be in the world. It just becomes too hard sometimes to understand if it's PTSD or simply selfishness and lack of respect for others....I am a Sufferer, can't live with myself some days, so can't imagine putting another person thru this roller coaster.... Very proud of you for taking care of yourself, tho I know it hurts....Now all that caring energy can go toward making yourself happy and living a life with intention.... sending you hugs and am sorry it came to this.. But what you are doing takes a tremendous amount of courage... sending you healing energy..

 

[Bubbles215]

Thanks all so much for your kind words and thoughts. Problem is I don't want a new life - I want him well and I want to be with him. I hate this so much for he's left me with no option. I'd walk over hot coals for him

 

[ladee]

It is very confusing and very painful.. He may never be 'well' in the sense you are thinking about....only if you are completely dedicated to understanding and educating yourself about PTSD and Supporters, you will always feel left out, abandoned, ect.
And can only speak for myself here, and this is nothing negative toward your feelings for him.. but if someone felt they would 'walk over hot coals' for me, I would run... I have no idea how to process that kind of love. And some days I simply have to process how to put one foot in front of the other...
And we do start out very loving and protective... doesn't mean that part of us isn't there, just means that all the other things that PTSD entails, prevents us from staying predictable and stable for others...
I would suggest you read as much as you can on PTSD and Supporters as you can.... I have chosen to not be in a relationship because it was too exhausting and frustrating to be me and not hurt others....
So can only suggest you educate yourself and if you have made this choice.... then do it to get healthy, not make him upset because he let you down one more time... that sounds harsh, and that is not my intention.... it is to get you to realize he will only change if he chooses to and it takes a really long time..... am still sending you healing energy... hope the best for you and for him.

 

[Toronto guy]

My wife is leaving for similar reasons, the inexorable and creeping isolation, and I thought it might help somehow for you to know it's happening to someone else. She is a wonderful and strong person, and in order to keep sane and be present in the world she needs space away from me.
Strangely, since she told me, I've felt freer to be compassionate towards myself, join this group, not have to deal with a crushing guilt that I'm ruining her life because of my triggers and responses, trying to keep up appearances.... Not that it isn't hard, knowing I've lost her. I'm angry its over traumas that weren't my fault... It's horrible. But I get it and I hope that you get time and space to heal now. Your strength and support has its limits too and looking after yourself now is such a courageous decision to have made. Much kindness and healing to you.

 

[ladee]

Very well said @Toronto guy, you summed it up perfectly. Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

[Terri A.]

had to make such a hard decision today and feel heartbroken but I had to do it for my own sake. His P...

I am sorry that your relationship is in a hard spot right now... It is difficult to make a decision and then even harder to follow through with it. One meditation I like is by, "Shatke Gawain"; visualizing: "this or something better is coming into my life". "I wait patiently for the universe to bring the best possible and most healthy outcome to me".

 

[Bubbles215]

Thank you both so much - @ladee what you says makes total sense. I know he will never be well in the conventional sense of the word - he's a great guy and I just feel very sad. I can see what you mean about the hot coals too - when we met it was very much mutual and he then had a flare up. It maybe my experiences of being in 2 domestic abuse relationships and being let down but I find the fact I'm the only person he appears to isolate with so hurtful - to everyone else he's fine and I've now wondered too often is this a symptom or is he just a jerk.

@torontoguy thank you too so much for sharing, it is very much appreciated. I'm really pleased you found this group - a really fantastic collection of great people.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm pretty sure the only "cure" for PTSD is a brain transplant. Since that's not ever likely to be an option, we are left to find ways to contain our fragile psyche and crippling symptoms. I, like leader, choose not to get into any more relationships. I mean well and would like to be loved and cared about but I isolate and overreact to even minor disruptions in my carefully constructed safety bubble.
I think you are making the right move. Even if he sounds like he's having a lovely holiday, it's only a matter time until the symptoms emerge again. Roller coaster is right. Best wishes to you. You deserve to feel appreciated and cared for. Best now to find pleasurable activities to distract you from suffering.

 

[EveHarrington]

I hope you're doing well but my heart breaks for him as he was dumped via text. :(