Relationship Why Do They Lie And Nit Pick?

[scout86]

Either way, I don't understand the need for space like she asked for..

= Not Compatible

 

[Jons99]

Okay, let's get started... In your title you ask "Why do they..." - Now, who do you mean with...

= Not Compatible

If she had a legit reason, I would have totally bought it... But when the first thing she said was because I like high school football, coming from a teacher that makes no sense.. especially when we had discussed me giving up coaching since it's so time consuming..

With the football kid coming over, I apologised and told her I didn't realize it was a big deal, that we had never talked about things like that and it would happen again..

To the other person.. I did not tell the police anything other than I had not talked to her in 3 weeks and explained that the football kid was at her house 6 months ago...3 weeks prior we agreed to not be in contact for 2 months while "we both worked on things in our lives" were her words..and there was zero contact in those weeks.. So the phone call was a total shock and made no sense

 

[Jons99]

= Not Compatible

So why tell her friend a month before that she had never felt like this about anyone before?

 

[scout86]

If she had a legit reason, I would have totally bought it...

I'll totally agree that the reason she gave you seems pretty lame. And, there's a pretty good chance that's not the real reason. "Not compatible" is something that works for me. If one party to a relationship thinks that, the relationship should just be over, IMO.

I don't know what she said to her friend. I also don't know why her friend was telling you something that I would think was told to her in confidence, assuming her friend was accurately quoting. The answer to your question that springs to mind is that, after she got to know you better, she changed her mind for some reason. And, just because this is the way my brain works, I can't help but think that "never felt like this about anyone before" could be good OR bad. (That's probably not the way it was meant, but in this version of reality, such things exist.)

But, going back to that original quote. She needed a reason that you saw as legit? Isn't wanting out enough of a reason? If she's doing the self sabotaging thing that some people do, that's a separate issue. If she comes back, and you still want to deal with her, you're going to have to decide how to handle it. But, far as I can see, one party to a relationship wanting it to be over is enough to end it, whether the other party wants that or not.

 

[Jons99]

Thanks, and that's what it felt like she was doing, self sabotaging... Things that made no sense... Then she decides to walk and away and then still wants to play online games like Trivia Crack..

After she decided to split, one day she was texting me all morning because she knew I was at the school across from her house, asking how the day was going etc.. At lunch I walked out of the building to my car and she was in her front yard, she was like 50 feet away so I walked over to say hi and to grab a shirt that was in her house..She got crazy mad at me for that.. Just little things like that make no sense..

 

[Stickler]

Regardless of what reason she gives, why she gives it, or whether you agree or not?
It's over.
Hassling her is just going to convince her you're more of a threat than she already believes you are.

If you find her confusing behavior distressing ( I would ) just don't respond back, block her, whatever.

Apparently, it's all about her house. It seems like it would be better if she only went to YOUR house, and you never went to hers, because every freak out she's had has involved you not observing watertight protocol about how to behave at her house.
Not entirely fair b/c she didn't share those rules? But OTOH, you brought people over twice and did n't ask. If I'd been seeing someone for six months and they brought a friend over? I'd probably hit the roof.

 

[Jons99]

Regardless of what reason she gives, why she gives it, or whether you agree or not?
It's over.
Hassling...

I guess I am the opposite, wouldn't bother me at that point.. And if I was sitting at home alone and she thought about me enough for her and her fried to leave the bar and have a drink with me, that would be awesome.. Especially since it was a friend she knew and he had been to her house previously..

 

[Stickler]

Hmm...interesting.

...Since I was traumatized very young, I don't know what it's like to NOT consider other people a threat. I especially fear those I care deeply about, because I've handed them the power to really, really f*ck me right up.
I usually answer the door armed.

...It may be that she is not even able to get close.
It may be that bringing anybody over was THAT big a deal.
It may be some other thing entirely.

 

[Fadeaway]

Why are people who work with high schools totally unobservant of other people's feelings? See, that is an unfair generalization I just made. I am married to someone who teaches higschool, so I could totally say that my observation is well founded, but is it? ;)

To be honest, I would totally lose my shit if someone brought someone over to my house unannounced. I can't handle that. My ex's family thought it was ok to just walk into a family members house, so I understand if someone who was raised that way, would think it was ok. I did not grow up that way, and if you hear someone walk into your house unannounced, grab a gun and a baseball bat. Showing up at someone's house unannounced was completely unacceptable in the home I grew up in, and I find it completely unacceptable.

Now in the same vain, my husband would lose his shit if I brought a teenager over to our house. He is a teacher and that is a huge taboo in the teaching field. You never bring a student or a potential student to your house because you are risking your career.

Adding this after the fact, I just spoke with my husband about it and he wants to know if she happens to be a teacher. He says she is doing exactly what administration would advise a female teacher to do if a male student was to enter her home. My husband is taking bets that she is also a teacher, is he right?

Edit to add: Belew because I can not add quotes while editing. Mods feel free to combine posts if needed.

 

[Jons99]

Your husband is correct, we are both teachers... :)

I guess I didn't think any of it, I have known the kid and his family for years, he is a 17 year old varsity football player.. And she didn't say anything about that, just that I brought a kid over..

And guess I didn't see the night I brought a friend over.. I had been at her house, went to the bar and was spending the whole weekend there.. I was trying to be nice..

The last thing I will mention because brought it up a few times... We went to a party at one of my friends houses..there was maybe 40 people there, I knew them all... About half of them I would call close friends.. When we got there, she already knew some of them close friends and I introduced them to the other close friends, but didn't to the rest of the people.. She got pissed about me not introducing her to everyone, that it made it feel like she wasn't important enough to me...

 

[Fadeaway]

Now the police was cool, he said she didn't want to fill out any paper work and they know her as its a small town and she is a teacher, so was more of a favor... But still crazy to me..

Ok, I just saw your intro post and saw she is indeed a teacher. I informed my husband of this and he is ranting. I am going to give you the nice version of his erm...highly passionate speech.

You put her job in jeopardy. He said coaches usually don't get how bad of a situation you created for her, because coaches tend to be more personable with students and it isn't uncommon for a coach to hang out with a student or bring them over to their house. For a regular teacher that will and should result in a dismissal due to the liabilty it poses for the school of sexual accusations.

Not only did you put her job at risk, you left her open for the rumor mill. A teenage boy is going to let all his friends know that, "Coach Such and such is boinking Ms. You know who." Small town even worse. If it gets back to parents, especially religious ones, you can bet administration is going to hear about it, and she is going to be reprimanded.

Every step she has taken so far is what any administrator or NEA legal advisor would advise to protects one's job. My husband highly suggests you call the NEA and lawyer up because your job is at risk. If she is a teacher and you don't understand why she would be that upset about it, you really do need a lawyer because everything that is happening is...Well to quote my husband, "As a 21-year veteran teacher, let's hope he is in one of the places that puts high value on coaches and is big into football, because if not, his job is in jeopardy. If I was an administrator he would have lost his job by now for creating a scandal with another teacher."

Edit to add again: 2 years ago The vice princapl was seen going to a hotel with a female teacher. A student and her parents happened to see them there together. Being a religious and rual area, the parents made a big fuss and the female teacher lost her job. Why? Because parents teachers are held to a higher standard than the rest of the population in a parents eyes and they will make a big fuss and create a headache for school adminstrators. Moral to the story, if you aren't married, never ever risk students finding out about your sex life.

 

[Jons99]

I guess the one thing I didn't mention is her past.. She was married for 9 years, the last 7 years they lived in separate rooms and didn't have sex, he said he didn't want to and then put her down.. She is a good looking woman, typical person our age that needs to lose a few pounds, but still very attractive.. When we met she couldn't believe that I found her attractive, said it made her feel uncomfortable..