My Mommy Says "boys Will Be Boys"

[Kopuve]

So, is she right?

I've been seeing this guy for about 2-3 years and I told him I didn't want sex before marriage. He was okay with that...at first. I liked my first kiss when he asked if he could kiss me. That respect lasted like three months.

Then, he began saying stuff. "We can do other stuff that's not sex." So he started touching me and rubbing me, and squeezing my breast and putting his finger ummm... Yeah. And he said I liked it even when my mind and my mouth said no at first.

I always say no. He says stuff like "but my mother just died. But we're dating. But it's Valentine's Day." So somehow it turns into yes, and then he says I like it.

He's also bipolar and manipulates me. He KNOWS I have PTSD from someone's attempted suicide, and yet he still says "I'm depressed." It's his right to feel that way; it is NOT FAIR that he will tell me "but I'm better because you called."

I talked with my T about this yesterday and I broke down crying. I broke down crying today between classes. Is my mom right, when I tell her "he keeps pushing for sex" to tell me "boys will be boys"? I feel TRAPPED in this relationship; but my parents LOVE the guy (he only does this stuff at his house.) I'm not sure if it's sexual assault or whatever, but I'm positive it's not consensual. He doesn't ask, he just expects it. And I feel like I've totally lost myself.

Any suggestions? Thanks.

 

[Aro]

She's wrong, hon.

RAINN hotline: 1800 656-HOPE (

 

[Dufot]

-1800 656 4673

CALL THEM!

You are being abused and you need help to get away from this guy.

 

[Wiwe]

If you don't want sex until marriage find a guy who wants that too. Not just someone who's "OK" with it, then pushes the limits.
There really are guys out there who want the same thing you do.

It seems like it's time to get away from this one and move on to finding someone who fits your standards.

 

[Ucat]

"Boys will be boys" is bullshit and is a societal and repeated phrase to excuse boys when they do cruel and rough things, often towards girls. Too often have I heard this phrase in my childhood, and too often have I realized that no, the fact that men and boys start acting like tools, does not justify the fact that they're acting like tools.

He knows you have PTSD and pushes the limits anyway. You say no but he somehow tries to find away around it. You know yourself that this is not a relationship you want to be in.

I know it's hard when you feel a peer pressure, especially from your parents who supposedly love the guy. But they don,t know that he's emotionally and physically manipulated you, and that is not okay.

If you want my advice, run for the hills as soon as you can, and as far as you can. You don't owe him or anyone else any explanation, especially not after the bullshit that happened. I promise you that there's a better guy for you out there, who will cherish you and want the same things you do, and will respect you continuously.

Hugs if you accept them!!

 

[Gobuf]

If he can't respect your boundaries, he doesn't deserve you. Your mom's job here is to support you. She should want you to find someone who makes you happy, not miserable.

 

[Heri]

There really are guys out there who want the same thing you do

Unfortunately, many boys are expected to be boys by other boys who mistake their behavior as "manly". You are probably being used (and abused emotionally) by one who wants to prove himself. Tell him to get his experience from somebody else if he can't wait, and definitely dump him There really are good men to choose from.

And don't worry about his "depression" (aka disappointment). He'll live. He's just being a "boy".

And by the way, I'm a grandpa talking.

 

[Wizodep]

I agree with the other posts. Also, if he pushes boundaries now, he will push even farther once you give in and especially if you marry. You will become his codependent giver of pleasure and happiness. He sounds like the type of guy who will lay the responsibility of his moods and happiness on you. You deserve so much better!♡♡♡

 

[Epa]

Also, if he pushes boundaries now, he will push even farther

Oh that's the truth. Especially if you have PTSD, you need to avoid denying your own boundaries to please anybody's whim. Your own integrity with yourself will serve you well throughout life. Ignoring your own standards can spiral you into genuine self-loathing and other complications. You don't need that crap. (Sorry, but that's the way I talk to my daughter).

 

[Nenana]

Ignoring your own standards can spiral you into genuine self-loathing and other complications.

A truer statement has never been said.

 

[Ate]

Perhaps you mom doesn't have the correct impression of what he is doing. There are laws against what he is doing. he is breaking the law. This is more than "boys will be boys." Yes, boys will try and get laid. They will make advances, but when a girl says no, they back off. They might ask again in a conversation setting, but any guy who has respect for women or the law will not continue to make physical attempts when the girl has made her wishes clear.

You might want to start using terms like sexual assault and rape with your mom. If there has been any intercourse at all, and you did not consent, it is rape, and you need to make that clear to your mother.

If he hasn't raped you yet, I have a feeling that he will eventully.

 

[Ekop]

If he hasn't raped you yet, I have a feeling that he will eventully.

THIS! Why I want you to call the RAINN hotline.