Therapist Said I Was Resistant

[Thinkbig]

I have finally ventured into the world of therapy. Because of attachment issues I have always feared getting a T. So the very first day she looks at me and says I am resistant. I am trying to be patient because it's a new relationship but she hit a trigger!

And now I will vent.

Wouldn't anyone going ino therapy be resistant? Isn't it obvious that we have been broken? As a child I was too small to resist the sexual abuse and so the only defense I had in life was to fight. I would be dead today if I weren't so hell bent on fighting! Everyone, everything. But I survived!
So why did I hear it as a bad thing that my T saw me as resistant? Why do I feel like I have a malignant festering growth that I'm clinging to when in reality I'm just trying to wade through being overwhelmed with ALL this stuff??

 

[sun seeker]

You know, sometimes I've done my best work and made some breakthroughs when my therapist says something that triggers me. It's in the working through it afterwards that the magic happens. I don't know how she said it or what her intent was, or why you heard it as a bad thing... but I do think, if you go in next session and bring up what that statement triggered in you, you will get somewhere.

 

[Ronin]

Can you ask her next time what does she mean when she says that?

And what is she judging by?

It is well possible she meant something deep by that label, though I'm worried about her capabilities and possible usefulness for you if she's quick to label. Quick to judge wouldn't be the same thing, judgment can be a good thing, but quick labeling of people isn't the same.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the best thing you can do is ask her to explain exactly what she meant by this statement.

Is she a trauma therapist?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I agree, ask her what she means.

I went to my therapist every week for an entire year before he even knew the real reason I was there (with the help of a tv Dr) and then another 2 yrs of literally pulling it out of me and another 3 yrs fighting the entire process, fighting his counter thoughts and beliefs saying "I know its not rational but i believe it anyway" with my arms crossed and everything.

I have no support so we found this site on accident, with his urging I joined, a month later (mid jan this yr) with help blame shifted off me and into them, 2 months later rage is shifting and now (not quite 4 months here) im damn close to the middle, the core of all of this.

So if thats not "resistant" in its beginning years, i dont know what is. Oh and i was forced into therapy.

So i would ask exactly what she means as "resistance" even to the process is a protection thing in my opinion.

 

[Leigh925]

Is there anyway she could have said resilient?? Because we survived so we are! It took a month before I told my therapist I was there for any other reason than trying to help my son who was struggling with addiction.

He knew because of the paperwork I filled out.......

What does it mean if you check yes to every single box? Lol

Rape
Sexual abuse
Domestic violence
Abandonment
Mental health issues
Etc....

I have major attachment issues. At a month out he said ...do you realize you have never even shaken my hand? No way I was going to get close to him. I was definitely resistant but I still made progress.

I think my body language spoke more loudly than I ever would have guessed.

Now I am attached :/ but getting a lot done. It's really been a good thing. I never made this much progress with any other therapist because I never would allow myself to trust them or even like them for that matter.

But I would ask for clarification. I have had a couple of times where I was nervous in therapy and didn't hear or interpret correctly what I thought my therapist was saying. What if she said resilient and you have been worried about it and it was actually a compliment!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think my body language spoke more loudly than I ever would have guessed.

My thetapist reads my body language and my micro expressions...i cant hide from him damn it lol.

 

[Kintsugi]

I haven't read all of the replies here.

It is no secret between my T and I that I am resistant, but about a month ago, a little over a year into our relationship, lines were drawn in the sand, so to speak, and she basically made it clear that I was too resistant.

 

[Ronin]

she basically made it clear that I was too resistant.

If I were her I'd be happy, that's a challenge to improve her ways of treatment, possibly even the way she views relationships as a whole.

That's /her/ job to figure how to deal with.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

and she basically made it clear that I was too resistant.

I think we all are at different times

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That's /her/ job to figure how to deal with.

I agree with that too!

 

[Powder]

Hmmm. T's have to start earning your trust in baby steps from before you walk through the door. And they must be fully prepared to re-earn it again, and again, and again when trust seeps through the cracks in your attachment style fault lines from years of abandonment and abuse from your whole world and universe.

I don't know if it triggered you, but it should alert some definite evaluative thinking along the lines of "should I bother with a 2nd appointment? Or find someone better, harder to get into, call the best Psychiatrists for Trauma and ask for referrals to the best PhD they tend to use? That sort of thing."

The word "judgement" and "label" was used in responses above. This tells me that everyone felt she was being relatively judgmental. That is probably the worse trait anyone can have as any kind of therapist. Reserving or setting judgment aside long enough to really empathize and analyze what the person in front of one is going through and needs is essential. It can be there, but always in the background, never up front.