General Suffer New Friends

[Deleted member 33287]

You shouldn't have to change what your you 'do' because of her. Can you not go and just not communicat...

Yes but it's hard on both of us. She told me she got raped she sees me she gets triggered off and has a mini panic attack. I see her I get heart broken that I trigger her off and I feel bad and end up getting hurt.

 

[Ronin]

see her I get heart broken that I trigger her off

She needs to learn to deal with her heart broken, and mend her heart, on her own.
It is not your responsibility to take care of her triggers, or health state, or any kind of a state, for her.

It's your responsibility to take care of yours.
You say you feel bad and feel hurt - that IS what you should care for, not hers having the similar.

You're not intimate partners. You're not team mates in a way where taking care of the other's spleens is literally important for the survival of both, or more people.
Let her go. Care for you.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

She needs to learn to deal with her heart broken, and mend her heart, on her own.
It is not your responsib...

You actually mentioned a quote that makes it feel impossible to forget about her.

Before she told me about the trauma I used to say to her we are on the same team and as long as we got each-others back everything is going to be alright. I take a great deal of pride saying we are teammates. When we made up and she was drunk she gave me a huge hug and said the team mate quote and that we will be friends forever.

Just in confusion on why this happened, why I trigger her off, why she doesn't want to heal and why I met someone who was a great friend was ripped from me. I am more searching for clarity to move on because I never want to care for someone again knowing this can happen.

 

[Ronin]

that we will be friends forever.

Friends forever isn't what you do.
Friends forever is in the space you give the other, even when you have to let go.

See, if I went by my understanding of things I wouldn't need to be on a PTSD forum, either, but c'est la vie.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Friends forever isn't what you do.
Friends forever is in the space you give the other, even when you have...

So you are saying if I really want to be a good friend I have to give her space even if that means letting go knowing that she will never come back.

 

[Ronin]

I'm not using the 'really' terminology at all, for I don't believe in it.

But I'm saying to take care of yourself and examine how the relationship with her and her make you feel.
Because sacrificing yourself works only sometimes in relationships that work, and even then not for very long.
Sacrificing yourself is a meaningless sacrifice in relationships that just don't work, and have no way of working, because the other person doesn't do their share.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I'm not using the 'really' terminology at all, for I don't believe in it.

But I'm saying to take care of...

i've mad it loud and clear to myself that I am here for her with open arms, open ears open mind and open heart when shes ready to get better. But until than I am doing my best to be done.

 

[shimmerz]

I am doing my best to be done.

I am thinking if she is speaking about restraining orders (whether that be to you or through the grapevine) that it would be in your best interests to not qualify the phrase 'be done' with an 'I am doing my best'. She clearly does not have your best interests at heart, or does not see that you are trying to have hers. Time and issues have changed the nature of your relationship. You need to keep up with that. Whether you like it or not, she is ready to attack you if you don't steer clear of her completely. That - you need to protect yourself from. And respect her needs at this point in time.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

my

I am thinking if she is speaking about restraining orders (whether that be to you or through the grapev...

Long story that I sent two people privately she has been saying that for a few months when flashbacks started. Long story short someone is a huge narcissist I wouldn't let them call the shots for my boxing match they got mad at me and trying to manipulate my friend. I am more scared about it now that she has terrible people manipulating her.

 

[shimmerz]

I am more scared about it now that she has terrible people manipulating her.

And as well you should be. It sounds like you are trying to be 'onboard' 'all in' with this friend, but she???? Not so much.

People change. Loyalty, when it is not requested, and in fact asked to be withdrawn, or given to the wrong people can be VERY dangerous. Take it from a pro. Be careful.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

And as well you should be. It sounds like you are trying to be 'onboard' 'all in' with this friend, bu...

She isn't educated on PTSD very much if at all. What am I supposed to be besides sit on a chair with popcorn and watch her get hurt again ? The person who is about to hurt her just tried hurting me and I was lucky enough to get the hell away from him.

 

[EveHarrington]

I read your PM and I won't give out details here but given that the scope of the issue isn't just her PTSD I really can't advise enough just how important it is to get away from the entire situation.

I know you care but it's time to let go. Unfortunately all you can do is let her live her own life. You cannot save her. I repeat, you cannot save her.

Being a good friend means that you care about the person enough to let go. You don't try and force friendship upon them simply because that's what you want even though they don't want it.

I really can see that you aren't really understanding how unsafe she feels. You have good intentions but that doesn't matter. She feels unsafe around you and that's why you see all this lashing out. Would you want help from someone you didn't feel safe around?

And actually yes, I think you should just sit back and let things happen. You cannot save her.

Why are you willing to risk a criminal record for this woman? Criminal records are easily searched online and in many states, completely free. This can hurt future job prospects and future dating prospects.