Search results

I was thinking today about the year that is almost over and what it's been like. It was a difficult year in many ways with lots of new memories surfacing for me, but I wanted to look upon the year in a positive light and consider what I have achieved. This year I tackled so many memories of...

My T began me on a journey of yoga for body awareness and mindful relaxation. I am still doing some yoga, although I have reactive arthritis currently so can only do small amounts, but I'm becoming very interested in meditation and the principles of buddhism. I don't believe in a god or deity...

Sometimes I find the amount of triggers I have in day to day life overwhelming and hard to deal with because my mind is so highly dissociative that knowing why I'm triggered can sometimes be impossible. This week, I can tell by my physical symptoms and emotional state that I have been triggered...

When I'm writing posts, I often find myself saying very Australian things and I sometimes think, 'Oh, I wonder if people from other places will know what I mean, if I phrase it that way?' It got me to thinking about how even though we speak English in Australia, we speak with a lot of Aussie...

I really struggle with believing in myself, liking myself and feeling worthy. It's difficult because through all the therapy I know logically that none of my abusive childhood was my fault. I can logically see that my parents were the bad ones, but there seems to be a big difference between...

Today I had a new flashback. I was 10 and my abusive parents that always displayed hatred of me were discussing how they wanted to move to our new house without me. In front of me, they were discussing how they could kill me. They planned to drown me in an outdoor pool and pretend like it was...

After having my my complex ptsd come back at me hugely with frequent new flashbacks in the middle of 2020, I have been trying to 'soldier on'. The amount of stress has been putting pressure on my body and I have been suffering health issues constantly. After an operation at the beginning of...

My T shared a quote a me in relation to dissociative identity - "Unsafe behaviours are a profound outcry against isolation and the terrible, even catastrophic, experience of utter aloneness in their suffering". It is not the only reason for self harm and suicidal thoughts of course, but it was...

I have been suffering badly from endometriosis lately. 3 hospitalisations in 3 months from huge pelvic pain. I read a study recently that said women who were abused as children were something crazy like 75% more likely to have endometriosis. At the moment it is making my mental health so...

Today I'm not thinking about how many more things I have to overcome or how many more years of therapy and hard work I have still ahead of me. Today, I'm thinking about how far I've come already since I began therapy many years ago and it is a very good feeling. I began therapy about a decade...

Yesterday I had the best therapy breakthrough and was riding on a high. This morning I went to work and was slapped across the face by a student and now I am triggered BIG time. I feel so stressed and shaky tonight and wish I could get back the happy feeling from yesterday. 😞

I just had the hardest session with my T yesterday. We started looking at a long-held automatic thought of mine that causes a lot of fear and pain - that people hate me. He asked me about what is underneath that thought, as in what is it about me that makes me feel that way? It was only then...

Each time I am introduced to a new identity and get to know enough about them, I like to draw them. Does anybody else draw or collage or do anything else to show what their identities are like, or to explore the different parts?

Does anybody else dissociate physical pain away? If I experience pain, it can be pain of any kind but especially more intense pain, my brain tends to dissociate it either away completely or dissociate enough of it that it's significantly downgraded. This has its positives, I guess, but can be...

Just wondering if anybody else lives in a particularly small area and sees a T in that area. I live in a pretty small place and it is tricky and funny sometimes because of the interconnectedness that I sometimes find with my T and I. Back a decade ago I really struggled with it as I had a lot...

Copyright @Digz

Almost 3 weeks into my T being away on leave. Struggling big time tonight, but trying so hard to hang in there. All the memories looming, making it hard.

Just Breathe Inhale Exhale Kill yourself Ignore. Inhale Exhale You’re disgusting Ignore. Inhale Kill yourself Exhale You’re disgusting Ignore Fat Dumb You want to die Inhale Sadness caught Tears frozen Kill yourself Kill yourself Cut your wrists Kill yourself Exhale Remember love Remember...

Eh, my therapist is away for a month now. I'm just into the first day and struggling. My abandonment schema is going crazy, working overtime. It can be so frustrating when logically you know there's no reason to be upset by something, but your brain thinks very differently about it. I'm on...

Shadow Me Shadow me. Your words, My mouth. Your thoughts, My head. Debut? You – fierce fury Me – run, run, run. No escaping My mind. Finish fleeing, Incline inwards. She protecting Me. She born for Me. She Resentfully raging. World...

I was just thinking about some of my all time favourite movies. I love Snatch and also Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. And for comedies, Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a classic fave but I can't think what my more modern fave comedy movie would be. Chick flick wise, I'm definitely a...

I've been dealing with a lot of new flashback and memories lately. My T and I are working on processing them but they have been coming so frequently and with so much power the last couple of weeks, it's impacting my ability to function as a teacher and a mother. We have decided to try and slow...

I've known that I have DID for probably a decade now. I've dealt with 3 different identities other than myself. But I've had this anger that comes from the back of my mind that I didn't know really how it worked. Yesterday when dealing with a new horrible memory in which I was forced to kill...

I just started having a new flashback where a knife was held to my throat and I was told to stab a cat and kill it or my throat would be slit. I am having so much trouble coming to terms with it because I feel so disgusting and evil stabbing a cat and watching it die. I feel so ashamed. :(

Hi. Just wondering if anybody else with DID has been through the process of Realisation, or is going through the process or attempted it? I'm just beginning and I am finding it so hard. There is so much emotion with so much intensity.