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Here is an analogy that shows what it's like for me. You know the weight bars you use at the gym? For me, being alone is like lifting an empty bar--it's easy. For every person in the room with me, add ten pounds. Their presence feels like a mild threat. For every person within arm's reach, add...

I know what you mean. I have had this going on all week, too. It strains my relationships with friends and it's a vicious circle--because I feel bad I don't interact, which makes me feel more isolated and freakish, which makes me want to avoid interacting. At work I try to force myself to smile...

That expression describes pure terror and surprise. PTSD *is* a time warp, so it's no surprise you feel that way. Anniversaries are very hard. But you made it through it. Taking things day by day sounds to me like the only way to get through it all to the other side. It sounds like you're doing...

This jumped out at me because I have been reading more about why this happens. Traumatic memories are stored differently than regular memories, and that means they aren't stored in a linear, verbally accessible way. They are beyond words, and they don't fit into our personal narratives in any...

What you are describing is VERY typical with PTSD. In fact, sleep disurbances with nightmares/memories are one of the diagnostic criteria, in the category of "intrusive recollections." This actually works itself into a vicious circle--when you wake up with nightmares and memories, you interrupt...

I've not yet ended therapy, but I've been told that I'll know when it's time because it won't seem necessary anymore; that is, I'll want to spend that time and money elsewhere, and I'll have less and less to talk about. The feeling that you are 'picking at a scab' seems very powerful to me--why...

Can you find some time to do something completely non-demanding and even comforting? Sometimes indulging in a quiet vice (mani/pedi, a movie, a museum visit, even just an hour to nap in the middle of the day) can help soften the edges of things.

I do best when I am starting things because it feels new, fresh--like this time, I've found a solution to whatever my problem is and things will go smoothly. When it proves to be as rough as ever, I am often discouraged and lose my enthusiasm. Then I find myself slogging away like always. I...

I'm glad you've had a good year, Patrick. You're right, this rough patch won't less. Drink less, and don't let the reflection bog you down too much.

I have been following this online, as the tv news about it has been hit or miss. What a large-scale disaster. I hope things improve soon.

Sometimes I am unable to sleep, but more often I am afraid to sleep. On those nights I will do things to keep myself awake, including spending time on the forum. While I'm sure it affects my brain and sleep patterns, it also often helps me relax enough to succumb to sleep.

I don't take anything strictly for anxiety. I take a hefty dose of Trazodone at night for sleep (it is also an antidepressant and may dampen anxiety). When I sleep well, my arousal symptoms are decreased and I am more able to manage anxiety using standard CBT techniques.

Heather, I really relate to the way you beat yourself up for being ashamed; I often do that, too. But it's not something we can simply decide to change, instantaneously. It will happen, but it will take time. Every therapy session you go to, every time you talk about the trauma, it's a big step...

Manic, I'm wondering how the holidays went for you...

Sometimes I feel worse, physically. after a bad therapy session than I do after two hours at the gym. Re-experiencing can really tense up your muscles, it puts you back in that fight-or-flight position and it's quite physically taxing. I agree with deer, care for yourself well physically and...

Of course it's different for everyone, especially depending on age, but for me the piercings I had as a young adult had nothing to do with self-harm. Self-harm had to do with inflicting pain, and for me the piercing was about showing how different I felt. Both were evidence of how much trauma...

Although he probably won't get back to you until next week, call your psychiatrist and leave him a message to let him know the Restoril is having the opposite effect than he expected. He might check his messages today and could be able to give you some helpful guidance about on it. The...

I agree, Darkness Shines. I have worked for a long time on not being ashamed of my self-harm and not deriding myself for it, because it is an example of me doing the very best I can at a given moment in time to survive. I see it this way-- it worked as a stopgap coping mechanism--I'm here...

Nie, I'm sorry things are hard. Vacations are hard for everyone, but maybe even more for people like us who have strong reactions when things change. You and your husband are spending a ton more time together than usual, so it doesn't surprise me that you are frustrated with one another. There...

Iam, that's a great story.

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your family. That makes everything harder to cope with. She really doesn't get what you're dealing with at all, does she? Has your treatment team met with her to discuss how long-term the healing will be, or to talk about how she can...

A choice to have kids is complicated, and hinges on more than just your partner's sensitivity due to PTSD. Lots of folks here have kids and do wonderfully, but that often depends on having a good partner who shoulders the parenthood load. This is something you have to discuss in pretty good...

It sounds like your therapist has compassionately admitted that she's unsure how to continue helping you. Different therapies can help a sufferer at different times (for example, the talk therapy she's offering might be more helpful down the road a bit after you've unpacked some of the...

What you are describing may be dissociation. On the front page, search the articles for that term and you will find more information. This happens to many people with PTSD, so as unsettling as it is, you are not alone.

Isabelle, I feel exactly the same way. I haven't been in my body for three days and I know, from experience, that it's going to take a few more before I am back to normal. But the season passes, and so does the dissociation. I usually try to do a lot of extra self-care at this time, things like...