General Should A Ptsd Sufferer Have Children, Or Is This A Bad Idea?

[Apollo1]

My fiance has PTSD. We have discussed having children down the road. She wants a baby. I don't care either way, other than I wonder if it is a good idea for someone with PTSD to have a planned pregnancy?

What got me thinking, is that I am really having to work hard to recognize when she is triggered, and to try to avoid problems. I can't see a 2 year old, or a 17 year old kid being as skilled with being careful with "mom". I see them being like any other kid, and driving their parents nuts at times- but for a PTSD sufferer, this kind of stress is almost unbearable. I could then be left with a wife that is mad all the time, and a household that is full of yelling and lots of anger. I don't need that. I would rather just keep getting dogs, if that's the case, and have as peaceful an existence as possible with my fiance. I know she needs to work on things, and I know she will improve, but at the same time, I see this as something she will always have to work hard at, as will those around her. I don't trust a 13 year old to say and do the right things to keep her from blowing her lid in an over the top manner, as PTSD sufferers are known to do.

So, what do you think? Stick to dogs, or have a kid in a few years?

 

[AdamAnt]

I'd say don't make any big decisions right now! :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Apollo1,

As a PTSD sufferer and mother of four, I wouldn't change a thing. Honestly, we have a "low conflict" house and it is quiet, as it is conflict that bothers me. The result for my children has been the development of good communication and negotiation skills.

It may seem hard to believe right now, but there are some good things that come out of PTSD and therapy. The two of you have time to on the issues now, before you start a family. However, there is no reason, PTSD or no PTSD, that you cannot have a healthy and happy marriage and the same with children.

Wishing you peace.

Debbi

 

[Apollo1]

Thanks, you two. That's great to hear.

 

[amethist]

Having children when you are a sufferer should be fine as long as the sufferer is well and there PTSD is managed as best as they possibly can.

Making big decisions like this though for your fiancé, may be better made after she has found a good therapist.

ITL has 4 and she is a wonderful mum. So there is no reason why you can't have them when things have calmed a bit more.

Hoping it works out well for you both.

Amethist

 

[lovinbiker]

. She wants a baby. I don't care either way,

Hi Apollo, As others have said there is no reason why a ptsd sufferer cant be a great mum as several sufferers on here are.

Forgive me if im out of line but reading your post doesnt give the impression that you want a child.Is that purely because you dont think she could manage the extra stress? I would certainly in your position be concentrating on getting her better.
Then maybe when she is fully in control of her ptsd maybe you should have a discussion on it.

All the best
LB

 

[Abrasky]

I don't think it would be her I would be worried about. You said you don't care either way. Both of us were committed before we had bub.

I have PTSD and I am a mum to 1. I think that this is a question best answered by each individual because the effects of PTSD vary so much Some people are effected more than others. SOme people have their phobias in some areas and not others.

I spent 10 years in therapy before I became a mum. I think it's important or a parent with PTSD to heal as much as you can so you don't go passing problems onto the next generation. Doctors thought I was silly for becoming a mum. And I could tell everyone thought it wasn't a good idea. But guess what, I suprised everyone, I am constantly told how surprised people are with what a good mum I am. I sing my child a song called good mum I am and being a mum is my escape from PTSD. My son is the most well adjusted child

If you do have a bub you might find nice little surprise is that breastfeeding can reduce PTSD symptoms. It did so well for me, I felt like I lost a lot of my PTSD symnptoms. I found the oxytocin being released while breastfeeding reduced my symptoms pretty much completely and then lasted for 6 months after bub was on formula.

 

[Abrasky]

Woops I meant to write that I sing my child songs all the time and he has just learnt to wave. Being a mum is my escape from PTSD.

 

[Jackson Smith]

Yes, a PTSD sufferer needs family. I can't tell you how many of my soldiers would have been better off if they had a better family support system. Kids just add to their sense of purpose.

Best,

J

 

[Philippa]

Yes, a PTSD sufferer needs family. I can't tell you how many of my soldiers would have been better off if they had a better family support system. Kids just add to their sense of purpose.

This is interesting.

I didn't want kids...at all. When I was homeless and still recovering from PTSD that changed, and there was this one moment where I thought that I want a family. My family were not really there for me emotionally, and whilst I have friends now who are supportive, I have this conflict inside me because I don't want to pass on anything to my kids. I set out to work through my issues when I was 21 for this very reason...so that, if I ever did have kids, they wouldn't be burdened with the familial patterns and abuse that was imposed on me. I took that responsability on without any regret.

Now, I am even more hurt than I was back then and even though I'v ecome a long way, I still am unsure about whether it's right for me to 'make a family" just so I can get better...that seems selfish to me for some reason. Also, I made the decision to not have kids because I didn't want to bring them into this world...which is so f*cked up at the moment...even though many things have changed for the better, and more people are becoming aware and reaching for higher consciousness...I just know that my experience of leaving home and going out into the world was terrifying, as I am rather sensitive. I also don't think the world needs any more kids!

So, I guess I understand this question very well, and I have still not reached a conclusion either way, though I am 36 now, and without partner. There are many factors to consider.

In your case, I agree with one of the other posters here, I'd be more concerned about the fact that you seem ambivilent either way about having kids. I think it can be very damaging to a child to feel like they are not wanted, so it's important to know that you actually want kids, and are not just going along with what your partner wants. It's a partnership after all...which means it's a decision that takes two to make!

 

[kers]

A choice to have kids is complicated, and hinges on more than just your partner's sensitivity due to PTSD. Lots of folks here have kids and do wonderfully, but that often depends on having a good partner who shoulders the parenthood load. This is something you have to discuss in pretty good depth to really decide on (and I would strongly suggest discussing it with a family therapist, who can ask more of the 'right' questions that will help you decide).

Many of the women I know here with PTSD are spectacular moms, and the PTSD does not affect their parenting in any significant way. I don't think I will have kids, in part due to the way my PTSD affects me; that's why every case really is different.

 

[NIKI]

I suffer from CPTSD, and having my son was the best and most rewarding thing that I have every done in my life. Nothing else can even compare! Being able to enjoy the happiness of being a child through the eyes of my son was priceless. I was never for one second afraid that I would carry on the abuse that happen to me as a child. I had a second chance to see things through a childs eyes, the things I was not allowed to exprience in my own childhood!