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I have suffered from severe depressive episode 3 times in my life. Unfortunately it hit me again out of nowhere. These episodes are not hey, I am having a bad week. I am completely incapacitated and lay in bed weeks on end. I can’t eat, I feel like a zombie The loss of weight makes it all...

I have CPTD and depression is one of the parts of it. My episodes always start the same early morning panic and shaking and fear to go out. The fear is the spiral I know I can’t stop. I notice they are tied to external stress. Nothing I can’t normally handle. This episode has a new twist…...

I often feel I am blindly bouncing around fears. My anxiety is on overdrive and my mind is searching for solutions to every issue. I changed my drivers license today for instance, I worried about the issue for days, believing that there would be a problem and I would not be able to handle it...

PTSD has held me tight most of my life. I haven’t been engaging on the site for a while. I got through a terrible bout using a Ketamine IV treatment, which pulled me out of the worst. It’s actually interesting how much better it felt for some time. When I am not in it, I feel like it’s cured...

I have a question about bodily reactions. I am trying to start listening to my body’s signals and this is something I tend to avoid because my reactions scare me and I have never listened. I don’t think I learned to trust them. This morning I woke up again to my whole body overheating and...

I keep having this vivid memory of a building in Chinatown in downtown LA. I went there on a school trip. Something startled me on that trip, every time I see that building in my head I feel sick with dread. What happened there? It has been haunting me during every bad episode. I forget...

Hello everyone, Even though I know it is up and down struggle today is a stop. I have been pulling myself out of a really difficult episode and today my energy to fight/accept/exercise/get outside is very low. I panicked of course, and then I listened to a meditation and tried some gentle...

My sister just left; she was here visiting for 3 weeks. Normally. we cancel if one of us is not great, as we both suffer from mental heath stuff. I took her to the airport this morning, and was proud I could drive...like hey I have had a drivers license for three plus decades and driven on both...

This dark deep episode is hanging on tightly. I am getting out of bed, eating, and exercising. Lately, I am having a lot of SI. I don't want to go, I want to stay and be content. The thoughts whirl from I am going to be okay, to I cannot take this anymore. I know this is not uncommon...

I had one big love in my life. He was an absolute nightmare, and completely mentally unhealthy, and I was attached to him for years. I left him finally, and I got married, and divorced, had a child, starting dealing with all my PTSD, depression, anxiety and then boom he reappeared. I ignored...

Today marks the day I was born. I am not sure how I feel about it. Normally I feel no need to have a big celebration. I see other people so into them and I find that pressures me. I feel pushed and expected to be excited and happy. Can’t I just enjoy the day? If I am in the mood… or not feel...

I had a great day yesterday, I felt so accomplished. I woke up this morning with that pit in my stomach again. That here we go again, I have to steer my way through this day, and all I wanted was to wake up enlightened....Core beliefs that keep me in the circle, I am never going to be normal...

I have read, listened and heard so many times I am the only one who can regulate my life. When I was young this concept was so far from what I was able to digest, or understand. I was to in full panic mode and thought I was damaged and crazy...fast forward through years of therapy, tablets...

One step forward two steps back. I had a long week of appointments, telephone calls and functioning. I feel better once I get out of bed. Getting out of bed is another thing. I panic when I wake up so exhausted. I went for a walk yesterday with a friend and my body felt like lead. I was...

I decided today to stop working until I feel well enough to go. I am scared and exhausted. I have been surviving for so long in ….money is security … work more…work harder…thinking and working myself to the point of another episode of …I can’t function. The thought of it … going back there is...

Dealing with trauma is unbelievably exhausting. After the morning of can I get out of bed, and deal with my life, through too it is 6:00 p.m. can I go back to sleep now? I had been feeling rather optimistic, I got to the dentist, and did some shopping for food. These things make me feel like...

Funny I was feeling rather proud of myself, finally got out of bed two days in a row and was looking for someone to discuss it with. Somehow, counselors don't always understand what a huge accomplishment it is to function, slightly. I got an hour talk about how I should write down my plan on...

In the morning, I struggle to get out of bed..I seem to build myself up and sometimes feel relatively normal by 3:00 pm, happy that I will be able to escape in sleep and be in peace soon. It makes me sad living like this.

I am new here, and have been dealing with c/PTSD for over 40 years. I didn't know what it was, I just thought I was nuts. I used alcohol to keep it in check for many years. I would drink a glass of wine to cover up my social anxiety and fear to be amongst others. I have been in therapy on...