Childhood “Good Girl”

[Skywatcher]

Do normal people cringe when they hear the words “good girl?” These are words that disturb me. My therapist seems to have interwoven them into emdr but with a positive meaning rather than what it means to me. I believe I once told her how he used them, but did she forget? Is that why she sometimes says them to my younger self? The thing is, her tone makes me feel like the words might actually be safe. This is what keeps me up at night. Do I trust that these words aren’t bad?

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t cringe at those words, but I do have other words that can send me over the edge. They were “bad” words that I stopped reacting to over time, but I recently had a flare up again and I’m working to make them not so triggering to me. It sounds like your therapist may be using an exposure therapy of sorts? Of course if it doesn’t work for you, please speak up and say so. There’s more than one way to skin a cat (ie desensitize to words) so if her saying “good girl” is too derailing, maybe it isn’t helpful to hear at this time. :hug:

 

[somerandomguy]

I agree with Eve: say something.

Hopefully in therapy there's always room for this kind of discussion.

 

[Missycat]

Those actual words dont trigger me but there are words and actions that are really triggering as a reminder of my trauma. When i was dissociating during emdr my t was trying to ground me and asked me to recite the 3 times table , she started saying it trying to get me to join in .... i absolutely freaked out .. when i was being abused i used to recite the times tables in my head as a way to dissapear .. major trigger . I had mentioned it to her and she had forgotten. Although it was hard i had to tell her about what had happened and how it made me feel , she was so appologetic and it hasnt happened since. It also opened up some areas we needed to work on and helped to recognise target areas for the emdr. Please talk to your t , they will understand and want to help you and maybe safely explore why its such a trigger for you.

 

[Friday]

Words of admiration, encouragement, and praise aren’t usually bad things. IE I’d say you can trust your gut that the way she is saying them is meant in admiration, encouragement, and praise.

When an abuser uses good words? It makes them pretty damn filthy. But that’s because of the person saying them. Not the words themselves.

 

[Skywatcher]

Thank you for your input, I will try to mention it. I am mainly curious if she is trying to help me realize that I am still “good” despite what happened. when he initially punished me, and said I was “bad” I was told how I could become “good” and the stuff that made me “good” really makes me hate myself. Those words have bothered me for a very long time and I just assumed that they bother everyone. The childhood memory had been blocked out. It didn’t happen in my family home. I wanted to be a “good girl” there. I don’t know why I keep thinking about this.

 

[ILoveLife]

I'm a bit literal sometimes. "Good girl" bothers me a bit, but mostly because I don't see myself as a "good girl". I am in fact a "good girl" and I should embrace it, not fight it right? "so-so girl" maybe is not the best pep talk ever :)

Well, anyway, I relate even if I don't have an answer to it.

 

[Anana]

This word-combinatiian is a huge trigger to me. It makes me very angrily defensive. Gosh....need time to calm down
But thanks for bringing this issue. I'm not alone.

 

[Mumo]

My abuser called me that while he abused me and after he abused me. They do disturb me as well, you are not alone.

 

[grit]

I do not have any problem from my past with the particular words of "good girl" but I just do not like it. It evokes patronage or manipulation. Maybe I do have an issue here.

However, I feel this is a deep topic for you. Unless you never want to hear them ever again, which you cannot guarantee in life, I would recommend as others said that you tell your therapist this bothers you with the intention that you want to process it and move along not completely delete these words from the face of earth. Or at least by talking about it in therapy, you may reach peace with it or just learn more about other words that may even pop up.

Personally, I do not have words that freak me out but certain movements freak the hell out of me. and I do not mean startle but more like extreme emotional reaction. I did not like my therapist standing behind me or moving around me...I would dock inside my head! but I did bring it up and I realised how pervasive this was in so many other ways in my life.

I am happy for you for the precision of noticing this feeling.