1% chance of success

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

Update: My local government agency has also responded, pointing me to an organisation which can deal with my childhood sexual abuse PTSD and depression. :)

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

I have heart pains nowadays from many decades of ptsd and depression, and i only started to get help these few days from the government agency and NGOs. So I'm trying my best to get help, and for that 1% chance of hope and success.

Smoking in my study room :D yesterday i was smoking outside and there was a huge noise, i have angina so i gotta protect myself so i better smoke in here. otherwise the next step will be getting coronary heart disease, and it means i die instantly.

I have these 3M stickies nearby reminding me to take aspirin (poor man's heart med), and reminding me to update my recovery statuses all around (social media and here), and also to do my TRE (trauma release exercises).

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

Before i sleep... i want to say i want to quit smoking...I dont wanna die I want to live.

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

Woke up with a nightmare, and this is one of the days which ended yesterday with wanting to quit smoking and now I just woke up and I need to smoke because of the nightmare. :( Shit, sorry I really the cig for now.

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

It a was a bad nightmare because it ended with me screaming like a long "Why" and then waking up. I hate such nightmares, it makes me feel down upon waking and i really hope the neighbours above and below wasn't disturbed by my howling (though i'm not sure it was also shouted in real life)

Anyway a positive note is the NGO which my government recommended me, has replied and there's progress. :)

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

It's the time of the year Mother's day and i need to learn how to manage my triggers as I was sexually abused by my mother.

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

Remember the other day I was smoking and there was a very loud noise outside my door, as if it were a prank?
I told my local police about it, as a safety measure, and they promise to send people down to my place the next time if it happen again. :)

 

[Deleted member 41318]

Well, you know some percentages go up with time because the behavior becomes more well known from devices of communication and survivors speaking up, like yourself.
As for smoking, many of us wish otherwise...to quit that is. I often go outside, recalling how all my clothes are affected by the smell. Also I spared my dogs the offensive reek because of their highly sensitized olfactory. Nonsmokers recognize the tobacco quick. You'll get less flak if you wash your hands, smoke at a distance, etc... The US has campuses and hospital grounds completely smoke free.
Anyhow, best in getting out of the grasp, both physically and mentally, of incidence of being taken advantage of. I often wonder what parts of my condition were preexisting.....I don't believe we need differentiate where the cause lies, so much as carry on in a manner that you find favorable to mind and body.

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

@Nathan Sady Thanks for your encouragement, I will follow the advice of my government and do what is needed. :)

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

My social worker called me and I'm going to make a doctor's appointment for my child sexual abuse PTSD soon :)

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

Update: My doctor's appointment for my child sexual abuse PTSD is on friday :) it's my first time going out after 2.5 years

 

[GoldenSnakeGentleman]

Update: my area's social worker has also just contacted me and I updated her that the government agency already linked me to the local trauma center and doctor's appointment. :) Another 1% progress.