unbrokenn
Silver Member
Oh god. I haven’t been on here in so long.
Well, I’m a senior now...
And I’m applying to colleges.
I never thought I’d live to be 17, let alone to go to college. I’m so happy I have, but now that I’m here I feel scared for what’s next. But that’s okay because I’m not alone anymore. I have friends that care for me. I have a purpose in life.
I was abused from a young age. I was molested as a child. I was 6, he was 60. I thought it was my fault, that I was dirty. But it wasn’t. Everything still is a blur and the more I think about it the more it begins to just become a loud roaring nightmare, but slowly it becomes more bearable. Slowly I can accept the past and live with it.
I can go to school knowing my abuser is still there. She sometimes shows up where she isn’t supposed to be. But I don’t have flashbacks as often anymore. I use coping skills. I don’t let my fear show through. I’ve seen so much that my face is so devoid of emotion no matter what I may be feeling. It’s come to my advantage in terms of repressing emotions from those who may take advantage of them.
I lost a friend to suicide earlier this year. I miss him every single day. But you know what? I won’t let his memory live in vain. He meant the world to me. But I’m going to go on to save a lot of people, because I want to become a cardiologist.
March 2014, I saw a man die in front of me. My grandfather. The man who raised me. It drove me to begin studying so hard, to begin to want to become a physician from such a young age. He went from being my caregiver to me caring for him towards the end. Sometimes he’d look at me and not even know who I was. I can’t even put into words how much the feeling of those moments pained me. i want to make him proud.
I’ve already gotten into one college.
I cried when I did.
I felt like I finally did something that made me proud, but also made my grandfather and my late friend proud. I want to become someone they’ll be proud of. I want to save lives.
PTSD doesn’t rule me anymore. My abuse is not what defines me. I am the master of myself.
Well, I’m a senior now...
And I’m applying to colleges.
I never thought I’d live to be 17, let alone to go to college. I’m so happy I have, but now that I’m here I feel scared for what’s next. But that’s okay because I’m not alone anymore. I have friends that care for me. I have a purpose in life.
I was abused from a young age. I was molested as a child. I was 6, he was 60. I thought it was my fault, that I was dirty. But it wasn’t. Everything still is a blur and the more I think about it the more it begins to just become a loud roaring nightmare, but slowly it becomes more bearable. Slowly I can accept the past and live with it.
I can go to school knowing my abuser is still there. She sometimes shows up where she isn’t supposed to be. But I don’t have flashbacks as often anymore. I use coping skills. I don’t let my fear show through. I’ve seen so much that my face is so devoid of emotion no matter what I may be feeling. It’s come to my advantage in terms of repressing emotions from those who may take advantage of them.
I lost a friend to suicide earlier this year. I miss him every single day. But you know what? I won’t let his memory live in vain. He meant the world to me. But I’m going to go on to save a lot of people, because I want to become a cardiologist.
March 2014, I saw a man die in front of me. My grandfather. The man who raised me. It drove me to begin studying so hard, to begin to want to become a physician from such a young age. He went from being my caregiver to me caring for him towards the end. Sometimes he’d look at me and not even know who I was. I can’t even put into words how much the feeling of those moments pained me. i want to make him proud.
I’ve already gotten into one college.
I cried when I did.
I felt like I finally did something that made me proud, but also made my grandfather and my late friend proud. I want to become someone they’ll be proud of. I want to save lives.
PTSD doesn’t rule me anymore. My abuse is not what defines me. I am the master of myself.
