Supporter 20 Years Of Love Gone In Half An Hour.

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

No didn't make it to the doctors. I go tomorrow to a new sike. See how I go. Seen a pic of my wife on face book and she looked terrible. I was consernd so I rang her ( not spose to avo ) asked if she was ok! She said she had been sick. I asked because of all this. She said somewhat. She has lost so much weight. She don't look the same or sound the same. She spoke to me like shit. Saying she thought I didn't love her for the last 5 years. It really hurt me deep. Everyone new how much I loved her. She was my intire world. Told her every nite I loved her. So hurt ful. Some one said all she does is work and drink. I took my daugher and got her to speak to her mum. She didn't wont to. I lose our house come Christmas. Im so lost. Some said there are five stages she mite go though. Does anyone know what they are.

 

[Abrasky]

welcome to the forum.
It sounds awful what you and your wife have been through. It sounds like something has triggered your wife to go back to old memories and her PTSD has come on with full force.
I don't think your wife is able to make good decisions at the moment. But maybe you can make decisions for yourself so you can be a rock in your family. That would be a wonderful thing.
I would throw away any harmful machines and go to alchoholic anynomous for partners. Even though you aren't a partner at the moment, you are still dealing with as your wife is still the mother of your children. My sister isn't my sister really, as I don't really have a relationship, but I feel pain when I see her photos where she looks not great. It's hard to let go when one has so much history.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

I went to AA years ago with my father. So I know what it's all about. What are the chances that she see,s what's happened any time soon. And does she believe this stuff about me not loving her. I can't believe her thinking that. It's been six months.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Please see a doctor soon, you need some medical help to get well. You might need the help of social services too if your loosing your house. It will be important to have some help over Christmas.

Please speak to the doctor honestly about how you have been feeling, tell your doctor everything even ask the receptionist for an extra long appointment if needed. If you find it hard to talk, take a print out of your posting here and give it to your doctor. Please, please, please - we will all feel better if I know you have seen a doctor.

You need to take care of you first as you can't help your wife and kids if you are unwell. Please make sure you see a doctor, and let us know how you go. Focus on getting yourself healthy first , then you will be in a better position to help others ok?

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Thank you. I'm ok for now. Seen a new sike yesterday. Didnt help none. Spoke to my wife on the phone for the first time in six months. I was consernd about her losing so much weight. She spoke to me like a dog. This morning I got up and drove four hours to get the kids to see there mum. They didn't really wont to. But now Ian sitting in a park be myself in the rain so she can spend time with them at her house. No thank u no nothing. Very sad and alone at the moment. She still there mum. Will be here all day by my self. Great world we live in. I see People miss treat there love Ones and they always come back. I did nothin but love her and I lost my soalmate . Don't seem fair.

 

[Sandra]

I'm sorry to hear you aren't doing well. Try and think positive.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

I am so glad you saw a new therapist yesterday. Good on you! I am so proud of you for getting help!

It may take a few sessions to start to address your worries so please stick with it. This is a journey and one that you need to take to get the help you need. Remember, you need to help yourself to get better before you can help others. Work hard with your therapist and I hope things will be much brighter for you soon.

Your wife is not well at the moment and might be lashing out because of that. You miss her dearly and I can see that, but at the moment she is doing what she thinks is best for her. It is really good of you to take your kids to see her. You are a very caring and considerate man.

Spielberg has a theory on why people say nasty things to the ones they love. He said "I have a theory about why people say the nasty things that they do. It's the same reason that kids push each other in the yard. You see, if they are the one who is the the monster, then there won't be anything waiting in the bushes to scare them. It's simple really, they are scared'.

Something has scared your wife. She is lashing out at the moment and as hurtful as what she is doing and saying can be, please remember that she might be saying those hurtful things because she is scared. Be patient and in time I hope you will be able to talk a little in a calmer way.

Stick with therapy, and I hope things will be much brighter for you soon.

 

[Molly Anne]

Spielberg has a theory on why people say nasty things to the ones they love. He said "I have a theory about why people say the nasty things that they do. It's the same reason that kids push each other in the yard. You see, if they are the one who is the the monster, then there won't be anything waiting in the bushes to scare them. It's simple really, they are scared'.

I'm so glad I saw this today. It has helped my understand something that has been happening with my sufferer who is now my ex but has been contacting me more lately, only to turn and walk away again. I am remaining strong, but it confirms what I have been thinking - he's scared and confused, and I'm like safe ground. I still don't find it acceptable for him to use me as his "whipping boy," but at least it makes a little more sense. Thank you!

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Thank you all you are all very kind.

I'm finding my moods are slowly changing. I was so up and down. I'm still am don't get me wrong.

I got a text message tonight that broke my heart. It was from my 14 year old daughter that lives with her mum. She was home alone mum was at work. It read. Daddy I love u so much and really really miss u. Wish we could be a family again. I was sitting at the dinner table at my sisters when I got it. I threw my phone and busted into tears in front of everyone. Shattered me.

I'm crying right now telling you all. So sad. I Love her so much. I replyed with this. R u ok baby. U made dad cry. I love u too and miss u so much. I want our family back together more then anything too. I would do anything for that to happen. Maybe one day we can be. Do u want me to to a phone box and ring ya. God I love u.... She reply no I'm ok. But I did anyway. Did I say the right thing? I don't know.

I feel like I've let them down so bad. And my wife. Six month of being treated like dirt being charged and I still love her. Am I a fool.? Or just a fool in love.

I have very old morals and I won't ever see anyone else. She was the one with out a doubt. I could never love some one as much as I did her. It wouldn't be fair on the other person so if we are never to be again I will die alone. I was saying to my sister today. I loved her so much I couldn't cheat on her in my dreams. 20 years I never looked at another woman. I still wouldn't. I couldn't be that way. I just love her so much.

I don't know if anyone has heard of Ned Kelly he was a bush ranger in Australia. A hero in some eyes. When they caught him and hung him his last words were SUCH IS LIFE. I'm related to Steve Hart one of the bush rangers that was with him. Such is life,:( .

Thank you all. Good nite. Darren

<Edited for paragraph breaks and spelling. By Amethist>

 

[Navy Spouse]

I don't feel like you have let your family down. You let your 14 year old that you're hurting too and you have said that you have made sure your other children spent time with their mom even though they really didn't want to.

I think your wife probably still has love for you also. Something triggered her about the past and she became overwhelmed. I hope for all of you you can be a family again. I don't think you're a fool. 20 years is along time with someone and you're grieving the loss of what you had. Noone would get over that in 6 months. Glad to hear your moods are slowly changing, it will still be up and down though. Also glad you have the support of your sister.

 

[Molly Anne]

I think you said the perfect thing to your daughter. Sometimes words of comfort are exactly what a child needs - and they need to know that they're loved and missed, and that parents wish the best for the family, too. You did just right!!

Also, you are definitely NOT A FOOL!! The heart wants what the heart wants and you had a loving relationship for 20 years!! I was crippled after my relationship of 1 year fell apart. You are so strong and so brave - and I'm glad you're able to realize that time is helping you heal and each day is getting easier.

Hopefully soon she will make the choice to seek help and begin healing what is hurting her - but right now you both need time to be strong. Don't give up hope - but as so many on this forum have told me - take this time to also focus on you and be healthy. We love you here and will support you - I wouldn't have made it through the last month without the forum. You made the right choice coming here, as did I. Keep up the good work!

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

I loved your post. Thank you Molly.