General 25 years together, 16 with PTSD in the mix.

[amethist]

I keep popping in and out of the forum, but have not posted anything for quite a while. So for those who know me hello again and to those who don't, finding this forum in Feb 2009, was a life saver for both hubby and i.

We have just celebrated being together for 25 years, married for 22, 16 with PTSD in the mix, confirmed as C-PTSD a couple of years ago.

It took just over 2 years for someone brave enough to say " Yes this is PTSD " which was a while after i found this safe haven, even though it had already been suggested he may have it a while before that.

When i first logged in and found my way around, i have to admit i was a very tiny timid mouse, scared of my own shadow, not know what day it was or which way was up.

I was supported by so many wonderful people, being there in the darkest of his days, encouraging me to make sure i took better care of myself whilst riding this crazy roller coaster. In all these years i have only had to take anti depressants 4 times, for short periods. Though i was diagnosed with a blood disorder back in 2012, well managed and i just take the med's daily, bloods checked every 4 months. This did rock hubby at first, but he now gets that as long as the specialists are not worried, then i just get on with life. So far they have not been worried and my bloods have stayed in the safe zone for years now.

I have read quite a few here, asking how to keep a relationship together. That is a tough question, as no 2 relationships are alike, they are all completely different and many things come into it, in many different ways.

We were lucky in the fact that we had quite a few years together, before his C-PTSD invaded our lives. I was then told by someone on here, it may have been Nicolette who said it, but, "" I had to mourn the man he was, then learn to love the man he would become "" Is that possible, you may ask, yes it was for me, because a lot of who he was, is still there, driving me insane OFTEN. LOL.

That being said, it takes as much strength to leave, as it does to stay. You stay on your own terms though, not their's. If you can work together and talk your issues through, you can make it through the deep dark days and there will be many. Some you will see coming, some will bite you so hard, they will rock you to the core.

Something else i also remember being told here was "" Do NOT walk on eggshells and do NOT take their crap. "" Yes they can be as ill as they need to be, BUT that does not mean they can they can treat you like crap. That is the abuse Anthony mentioned in another thread. Even though we are well past those deep dark days, i was on the brink of leaving hubby to stew in his own juices on Sunday. After 2 weeks of him being off, not off off, just off, i had reached my breaking point, and he was told yesterday morning, that i was ready to walk out and come back when i was ready. Oh he knew he had pushed me too far and openly admitted he had been a dumbo for far too long in one stretch.

He knows i WILL up and leave for a few our or longer IF he pushes me too far. This does not help that it is not his C-PTSD that started this cycle of crap, but something else that is going to be dealt with as soon as i dig my big boots out and wake up my inner Doberman. I have done it before with other things, so this will be no different. I do not get info from higher up from them, to be ignored anymore.

His Psychologist, rarely see's him now, as she basically handed him over into my total care just over 4 years ago. Because i am here, i can see the changes, i can tell when the roller coaster is speeding up, saying that i am here to nip anything in the bud and slow it down, way before it escalates into a full blown episode and it could be days before she would be able to see him.

So from that tiny scared mouse i have now transformed into a confident women, who now has her own Sanctuary room, with a desk, office chair, sewing machine and all my art supplies and other things i use often. I have my own supporters FB group, i admin on 2 other FB pages, i have 2 books to write, the first i know the title for and have done for years, another one i am researching for info i can put in it. I have done things and met people online and in person, which i may well never have done, had it not been for hubbies C-PTSD.

So remember, your life is not over just because PTSD invades it, it can be the start of something much better than you ever dreamed possible.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Good to hear from you @amethist Positive stories are too few and far between. It’s nice to see a successful relationship!

 

[amethist]

Good to hear from you @amethist Positive stories are too few and far between. It’s nice to see a successful relationship!

Thanks Sweetpea76, i am not saying it has been easy, but we stuck it out, fighting this together. It did help that he trusted me to get it right for him, when it went pear shaped big time. Being together for 9 years before it invaded our lives, did help a lot, because by then he did trust me not to hurt him, as other women had done most of his life.

 

[ISupportHer]

You were a timid mouse and became the mouse that roared!

I am blessed to have known you all these years.

As for success at a relationship, I too was married for quite a while before the PTSD, manifested by depression and anger. Married 47 years now. So, I also discovered the forum around 2009 after trying other resources because I had no idea what was going on. So. 16 years here. In retrospect, many years prior to that with issues. I actually was on a DID forum for a while because I suspected multiple personalities. Same with bipolar forums/groups.

LOL, I went off topic. I believe that the years we had prior to the PTSD issues/hospitalizations provided stability to weather the storm. Perhaps those with less of a history may not withstand It. Maybe even shouldn't.

Any relationship, even long term, can't turn to being codependent. Not basing OUR happiness on our partner. Just as our partners have to find our way, so do we. I was rarely invited to my wife's therapist but once early on I was there. I remember clearly saying that we were starting a journey with different t paths. I did not voice that I was worried we would end out paths in separate areas. The journey never ends but thankfully we are walking together now.

ISH

 

[amethist]

You were a timid mouse and became the mouse that roared!

I am blessed to have known you all these years.

As for success at a relationship, I too was married for quite a while before the PTSD, manifested by depression and anger. Married 47 years now. So, I also discovered the forum around 2009 after trying other resources because I had no idea what was going on. So. 16 years here. In retrospect, many years prior to that with issues. I actually was on a DID forum for a while because I suspected multiple personalities. Same with bipolar forums/groups.

LOL, I went off topic. I believe that the years we had prior to the PTSD issues/hospitalizations provided stability to weather the storm. Perhaps those with less of a history may not withstand It. Maybe even shouldn't.

Any relationship, even long term, can't turn to being codependent. Not basing OUR happiness on our partner. Just as our partners have to find our way, so do we. I was rarely invited to my wife's therapist but once early on I was there. I remember clearly saying that we were starting a journey with different t paths. I did not voice that I was worried we would end out paths in separate areas. The journey never ends but thankfully we are walking together now.

ISH

A mouse that roared, yep and the Doberman that knows how to intelligently growl at those who do not listen, as in so called Dr's who have no clue, until i have educated them. There have been a few.

Friends who know us well, {{ Not many of them around these days }} Know that if he goes quiet and starts twitching and wringing his hands, when we are out with them, they know to not react, not say anything, but to just leave me to get him out of there. The amount of times they have told others to keep out of the way and not to interfere, while i do this is crazy. I can do it in a very short time and safely if left to do this on my own, anyone who interferes, COULD make matters worse.

So yea the mouse that roars is good one.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

He's very lucky to have a mouse like you

 

[gorgonzola]

So yea the mouse that roars is good one.

I don't have anything of substance to add, but The Mouse That Roared is a fun film starring Peter Sellers in which he plays 3 different roles (same number of roles he played in Dr Strangelove) and a pre-Doctor Who William Hartnell which seems to be available here these days.

I can't get it out of my head with everyone typing about roaring mice!

So from that tiny scared mouse i have now transformed into a confident women, who now has her own Sanctuary room, with a desk, office chair, sewing machine and all my art supplies and other things i use often. I have my own supporters FB group, i admin on 2 other FB pages, i have 2 books to write, the first i know the title for and have done for years, another one i am researching for info i can put in it. I have done things and met people online and in person, which i may well never have done, had it not been for hubbies C-PTSD.

Holy moly that is no short list of achievements.