Im writing this in hopes that making a record will help in my healing process. Healing is non-stop.
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When i was a young teen and learned about rape in sex ed., i always thought, "man, if that happened to me, i would kill myself." Well, three times later and i am trying to survive.
The first time it happened, i was 19. I had just started college after recovering from scoliosis back surgery. I was enrolled in graphic design. I met a guy and went on a few dates. The last date included him touching me while i protested and at last him forcing my hands on him. After this, i refused to go on more dates with him. He retaliated by publicly verbally harrasing. I felt awful and became depressed. I dropped out after that first year finished.
The second time, i was 23. I had just moved and was trying my hand at dating. I met a really charming and romantic man who was an ex-substance abuser. I thought he was handsome, kind, and gentle. He invited me over to watch movies. I arrived at his apartment and was shocked by how messy it was, except for the bedroom. Also, the lack of screen for movie viewing. He suggested that we go take a nap on his bed, due to having worked late the night before. The "nap" quickly progressed into him pleading me to have sex with him. I told him no several times, but he undressed me and raped me anyways. I called a friend after and cried about it, but they said to get used to it.
The third time, i was 25. I awoke in the middle of the night to my current partner having painful sex with me. I was confused and upset. I dont think he realizes that he raped me. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he gets frustrated with me and tells me that i initiated it.
***
When i was a young teen and learned about rape in sex ed., i always thought, "man, if that happened to me, i would kill myself." Well, three times later and i am trying to survive.
The first time it happened, i was 19. I had just started college after recovering from scoliosis back surgery. I was enrolled in graphic design. I met a guy and went on a few dates. The last date included him touching me while i protested and at last him forcing my hands on him. After this, i refused to go on more dates with him. He retaliated by publicly verbally harrasing. I felt awful and became depressed. I dropped out after that first year finished.
The second time, i was 23. I had just moved and was trying my hand at dating. I met a really charming and romantic man who was an ex-substance abuser. I thought he was handsome, kind, and gentle. He invited me over to watch movies. I arrived at his apartment and was shocked by how messy it was, except for the bedroom. Also, the lack of screen for movie viewing. He suggested that we go take a nap on his bed, due to having worked late the night before. The "nap" quickly progressed into him pleading me to have sex with him. I told him no several times, but he undressed me and raped me anyways. I called a friend after and cried about it, but they said to get used to it.
The third time, i was 25. I awoke in the middle of the night to my current partner having painful sex with me. I was confused and upset. I dont think he realizes that he raped me. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he gets frustrated with me and tells me that i initiated it.
