Been hanging around here for a few weeks and it's taken me a while to introduce myself . I'm a 39 yr old man from Massachusetts and was diagnosed with PTSD in 2009.
Abuse started for me at the early age of 3 and kept going and it's reeked havoc on my up until my current age. A lot of the abuse came from mother who plainly just want me as a child which stems from my mother being treated this way from her mother.My grandmother was an abusive person towards my mother but she picked favorites and this was no different for my mother with my brother who is 3 years older . The hardest part for me is actually writing this all down because there is so much so I guess I'll my list of what my mother has done to me and a list of others have done
Mother- has physically beaten me with various items and has even gone as far as to hit me in the mouth with her diamond ring . I was often told I was useless and wouldn't amount to anything . Manipulated/forced and lied to on a constant basis.One day my mother told me she didn't want me anymore and told me to take all my clothes off and to go outside I was down to my underwear crying and begging till she changed her mind ,this happened at age 11
Father- did some physical & mental abuse but really only did what my mother told him to do
Brother- tried to smother with pillow and other physical abuse & mental abuse
Outside of family- beaten up,hog tied,sexaully abused , spit on,gun put to my head and knife to my throat
I met my now ex wife in 2001,she came from a tough background herself which caused issues in our relationship not to mention her brother died in 2001 and her father in 2006.My ex's mom abandoned her at a young age she was also raped by a former exboyfriend .
In 2004 my ex and I decided to get our own place together but an argument had happened between my parents and I and moved without telling them where. In 2005 we married and in 2006 my father in-law died putting my ex in a deeper depression as she still could not except the loss of her brother. She always felt that I did not love her or care even though I had been there through thick & thin and told at least 10x a day that I did love her. Due to my own sinking depression I started to put on weight (now at 330lbs) became very agitated easily had severe anxiety issues and also had trouble dealing going out in public.I also developed acid reflux and started sleeping in a chair after a few nightly attacks almost choking to death.
My depression worsened in 2009 after I was laid off from what I considered the perfect job ( was a temp hired perm with my own office,great pay and really good benefits ) I did pretty much give up on a lot of things and lived off my unemployment . I had discovered over time my ex was putting out dating ads and had been cheating on me with a guy she was working with she also moved out for 6 months after a fight happened between us. I was told by her I needed to help and to go on medication.
In 2010 I reconnected with my parents and found out my father had Alzheimers . In April of 2011 my father was put into a nursing home but this was due to operation he was to have on his knee and the hospital cited elder abuse if this didn't happen. Over the time in different nursing homes my father's health declined due to being a nursing and seeing what it did to his mother (he just gave up.) Things weren't much better for me with my ex as we had been commuting back and fourth to help my mother with this.
In July of 2011 my wife had told me she was going to visit her mom who had moved out to another state , prior to this I had noticed my ex mailing out a lot packages to her mom and then knew something was up but just was to tired to to even fight about it. She told she would be back in a week or so but after a few days of her avoiding my calls we finally spoke and I had to ask her if she was coming back and was told she was done. A few days later my unemployment ran out. I got her to travel back down to help pack up a few a things and the rest was left to me for me to do.
My mother suggested I move in and my brother who's divorce is pending,so on Oct 29 of 2011 I did just that. Two weeks later in Nov of 2011 my father died on his birthday. The night we waked my father my brother decided not to ride in the limo with us and drove his own car,he left that night to meet up with some friends and crashed his car due to a combo drinking & driving with bald front tires. He called my mother to come pick him up at the crash site as he been avoiding be seen, was passed by where his car had crashed and had to turn around in a gas station where I a cop was starting to make it's way down the road . The cop in passenger seat had made eye contact with me as we turned the car around. We then found where my brother was and you could smell the beer on his breath.
The cruiser had made it's way down to the crash site and my brother came up with idea to say I was driving , keep in mind the cop had seen me in the car with my mother so I told him no . My mother came up with that I was trying to hurt my brother in someway and started yelling at me. My mother had given him gum to hide the smell of beer because the cop was making his way over to us. My brother told the cop he had bald tires and lost control. The cop agreed after checking this and we on our way.
Shortly afterwards my brother convinced my mother to cosign a loan for a new car while she had just pulled a loan for a used car for herself that's 10 yr's old. I noticed my doing old routines of having me lot's of chores around the house while my brother didn't have to lift a finger and I brought this up most right after and it was met with that he worked a full time job and I didn't. In the mean time my student load had lapsed and so did my cell phone payments as had ran out of $$ so my once 820 credit score is in the bucket.
I found a job in Feb of 2012 though it was only part time my hours were a bit off as I worked 6-11pm Mon-Thursday and Saturday 10am-4pm and travel time was 30-45 mins each way depending on traffic but it was money . My mother's attitude had gotten worse and she would just pick fights with me as she did so in the past and again I would ask why my brother does not have to do anything around the house and I was met with same answer only alter by that I work a part time job and not a full time one . It's gotten to the point my mother has made sure my brother I are pitted against each other she tells him every time I've gotten mad at him.They have repeatedly left me out of situations causing my depression to worsen and I pretty much don't leave the room. I stay in except for a things as I try to avoid the fighting, but that's almost impossible as my bed room is also my mother's computer room and she had made sure when I am upset to lurk around and add salt to the wound.
My job situation was no joy as I was met if your not in the in crowd you weren't gonna last long. I was repeatedly harassed by a female security guard who was known to cause trouble but I tried to ignore her and her and let it slide. She then would just say hi to me just to annoy me so I would not respond this went on for well over a year . About 2 days before my birthday I was really stressed out a lot was getting to me along with I was turning 39 , I had gotten up to use the restroom as to clear my head for a moment and ran into that security women who was training someone I believe. She had said Hi as she's done in the past and I had a weak moment and yelled at her to stop talking to me and then ran into the mens room. A few moments later I came out went over to my boss with tears in my eyes and told him I had to leave but let him know that I had PTSD. Shortly afterwards they found things wrong with my work and I was dismissed . I've been looking for a job since April and family does not believe me that I am doing so and my mother has gone as far to listen to my phone calls when potential places have called me back.
To be honest I'm (add swears here ) tired and really dont know what to do anymore if there any links anybody could share with me I'd greatly appreciate it . I apologise for such a long story it's easier to tell verbally then type it all.
Thanks again
Abuse started for me at the early age of 3 and kept going and it's reeked havoc on my up until my current age. A lot of the abuse came from mother who plainly just want me as a child which stems from my mother being treated this way from her mother.My grandmother was an abusive person towards my mother but she picked favorites and this was no different for my mother with my brother who is 3 years older . The hardest part for me is actually writing this all down because there is so much so I guess I'll my list of what my mother has done to me and a list of others have done
Mother- has physically beaten me with various items and has even gone as far as to hit me in the mouth with her diamond ring . I was often told I was useless and wouldn't amount to anything . Manipulated/forced and lied to on a constant basis.One day my mother told me she didn't want me anymore and told me to take all my clothes off and to go outside I was down to my underwear crying and begging till she changed her mind ,this happened at age 11
Father- did some physical & mental abuse but really only did what my mother told him to do
Brother- tried to smother with pillow and other physical abuse & mental abuse
Outside of family- beaten up,hog tied,sexaully abused , spit on,gun put to my head and knife to my throat
I met my now ex wife in 2001,she came from a tough background herself which caused issues in our relationship not to mention her brother died in 2001 and her father in 2006.My ex's mom abandoned her at a young age she was also raped by a former exboyfriend .
In 2004 my ex and I decided to get our own place together but an argument had happened between my parents and I and moved without telling them where. In 2005 we married and in 2006 my father in-law died putting my ex in a deeper depression as she still could not except the loss of her brother. She always felt that I did not love her or care even though I had been there through thick & thin and told at least 10x a day that I did love her. Due to my own sinking depression I started to put on weight (now at 330lbs) became very agitated easily had severe anxiety issues and also had trouble dealing going out in public.I also developed acid reflux and started sleeping in a chair after a few nightly attacks almost choking to death.
My depression worsened in 2009 after I was laid off from what I considered the perfect job ( was a temp hired perm with my own office,great pay and really good benefits ) I did pretty much give up on a lot of things and lived off my unemployment . I had discovered over time my ex was putting out dating ads and had been cheating on me with a guy she was working with she also moved out for 6 months after a fight happened between us. I was told by her I needed to help and to go on medication.
In 2010 I reconnected with my parents and found out my father had Alzheimers . In April of 2011 my father was put into a nursing home but this was due to operation he was to have on his knee and the hospital cited elder abuse if this didn't happen. Over the time in different nursing homes my father's health declined due to being a nursing and seeing what it did to his mother (he just gave up.) Things weren't much better for me with my ex as we had been commuting back and fourth to help my mother with this.
In July of 2011 my wife had told me she was going to visit her mom who had moved out to another state , prior to this I had noticed my ex mailing out a lot packages to her mom and then knew something was up but just was to tired to to even fight about it. She told she would be back in a week or so but after a few days of her avoiding my calls we finally spoke and I had to ask her if she was coming back and was told she was done. A few days later my unemployment ran out. I got her to travel back down to help pack up a few a things and the rest was left to me for me to do.
My mother suggested I move in and my brother who's divorce is pending,so on Oct 29 of 2011 I did just that. Two weeks later in Nov of 2011 my father died on his birthday. The night we waked my father my brother decided not to ride in the limo with us and drove his own car,he left that night to meet up with some friends and crashed his car due to a combo drinking & driving with bald front tires. He called my mother to come pick him up at the crash site as he been avoiding be seen, was passed by where his car had crashed and had to turn around in a gas station where I a cop was starting to make it's way down the road . The cop in passenger seat had made eye contact with me as we turned the car around. We then found where my brother was and you could smell the beer on his breath.
The cruiser had made it's way down to the crash site and my brother came up with idea to say I was driving , keep in mind the cop had seen me in the car with my mother so I told him no . My mother came up with that I was trying to hurt my brother in someway and started yelling at me. My mother had given him gum to hide the smell of beer because the cop was making his way over to us. My brother told the cop he had bald tires and lost control. The cop agreed after checking this and we on our way.
Shortly afterwards my brother convinced my mother to cosign a loan for a new car while she had just pulled a loan for a used car for herself that's 10 yr's old. I noticed my doing old routines of having me lot's of chores around the house while my brother didn't have to lift a finger and I brought this up most right after and it was met with that he worked a full time job and I didn't. In the mean time my student load had lapsed and so did my cell phone payments as had ran out of $$ so my once 820 credit score is in the bucket.
I found a job in Feb of 2012 though it was only part time my hours were a bit off as I worked 6-11pm Mon-Thursday and Saturday 10am-4pm and travel time was 30-45 mins each way depending on traffic but it was money . My mother's attitude had gotten worse and she would just pick fights with me as she did so in the past and again I would ask why my brother does not have to do anything around the house and I was met with same answer only alter by that I work a part time job and not a full time one . It's gotten to the point my mother has made sure my brother I are pitted against each other she tells him every time I've gotten mad at him.They have repeatedly left me out of situations causing my depression to worsen and I pretty much don't leave the room. I stay in except for a things as I try to avoid the fighting, but that's almost impossible as my bed room is also my mother's computer room and she had made sure when I am upset to lurk around and add salt to the wound.
My job situation was no joy as I was met if your not in the in crowd you weren't gonna last long. I was repeatedly harassed by a female security guard who was known to cause trouble but I tried to ignore her and her and let it slide. She then would just say hi to me just to annoy me so I would not respond this went on for well over a year . About 2 days before my birthday I was really stressed out a lot was getting to me along with I was turning 39 , I had gotten up to use the restroom as to clear my head for a moment and ran into that security women who was training someone I believe. She had said Hi as she's done in the past and I had a weak moment and yelled at her to stop talking to me and then ran into the mens room. A few moments later I came out went over to my boss with tears in my eyes and told him I had to leave but let him know that I had PTSD. Shortly afterwards they found things wrong with my work and I was dismissed . I've been looking for a job since April and family does not believe me that I am doing so and my mother has gone as far to listen to my phone calls when potential places have called me back.
To be honest I'm (add swears here ) tired and really dont know what to do anymore if there any links anybody could share with me I'd greatly appreciate it . I apologise for such a long story it's easier to tell verbally then type it all.
Thanks again
