5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[Tinyflame]

!. Thank you @Alice.in.Wonderland . :hug:
2. You know it's funny, I grew up with 'healthy'-thinking principles, without knowing what they were about. But only recently, decades later, I realize 12 step seems a bit harsh, or it ended up going too far, to virtual non-expression or recognition of pain. Not the program itself, but the info then they didn't have (physiological factors, etc). So many things affect our thinking, we know more so now!
3. I have to find a post I made before.
4. Hugs to all, xox. :hug:
ETA a #5. I feel very humble(d). :) :notworthy: (It's a thought, too. :) )

 

[tasha07]

1. My mind is fried
2. Why is my mind fried
3. My mind is not fried im hyperventilating
4. Find paper bag
5. Go to sleep and try again tmw

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Dear @Anrish . :hug:
2. So many people here have gone through Hell. No words. :( :cry:
3. I'm afraid one day I'm going to 'lose' it & start crying or screaming in public. Ugh there I said it. :(
4. I think this ^ is (fortunately) highly unlikely though, as I usually don't make a 'peep' even when I should.
5. Which is a (great) relief ^. But I think I've screamed in nightmares, but I can't scream for help in nightmares (no voice comes out).

 

[Deleted member 29920]

1. I stood up for myself twice this week! Feels damn good, and they deserved it!
2. Nothing beats face to face communication
3. I don't know what things I want to do
4. I need good people in my life first
5. I hope some of them will be people from here

 

[The Albatross]

1. Knee pain, spasms and twinges... "It's fixin' to blow and I'm scared."
2. I can or can't do this... gonna succeed or gonna fail... both don't particularly bode well cuz I'm not good at either particularly.
3. Financial stress... my old bug-a-boo back to haunt me, why the f*ck won't you leave me alone?
4. Everybody's got their something... ya live and ya do, and ya pay and ya are on the rollercoaster... you're still breathing, that's something.
5. Holidays, doesn't really mean much to me but Good Friday and Easter really does. (hope is the thing that has flickered but never - so far - died)

 

[Ronin]

1. I can take it, I can make it.
2. So sick of this nonsense.
3. I can't do this, doesn't mean I won't.
4. Nneka's words.
5. Poetess' words. To live for.

 

[Anniebananie]

Why doesn't my family check in on me?
I love the smell of my dog's ears.
Maybe I have cancer and I can be done.
Who lives through all this?
I don't matter to anyone.

 

[ladee]

1. Happy I took the risk and shared about abandonment
2. Got great feedback and support ,me lonely, pftttt... lol
3. A beautiful reply from a newcomer helped me to see where my last 12 years of roller coaster is coming from
4. Thank you newcomer Joshua
5. I have direction

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Glad @ladee is sensing some of her self worth. :tup: :hug:
2. Love the pronunciation of @ladee 's name.
3. Wish I could reduce @Cashew 's pain. :( :hug:
4. Wonder @Anrish are you feeling better? :hug:
5. Very strange day yesterday, will need more thoughts.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Man behind me against the wall (lucky, that part)- he looked so familiar?- started to cry silently like I do. I still feel badly for him. :( I almost touched his arm but didn't, don't know if I failed him in some way. :(
2. Got asked out -twice- yesterday, would you believe, some kind of strange karmic joke, to dinner for one, on the only day in the year you can't eat (Good Friday) haha. Not that I care, re: the going out part.
3. Creep still texting, twice today including 5a.m. OMG. :( Have to find block function on phone, know it's somewhere I've seen it.
4. Small inkling of wondering if that is sort of ~predatory, I am alone, re: Easter.
5. Not sure what to say, re: Easter. I am combination of intensely grateful & thankful for much to God, & intensely mortified & depressed surrounded by preparations of others- family/ dinners/ love. I feel a bit like a freak from outer space, :alien::depressed::watching: lol. I am so tired. I wish there was somewhere I could just go & sleep in safety & peace, don't need anything else, doesn't matter eating etc.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Am genuinely looking forward to doing a present for my friend, just need this heachache to go, & to get motivated. I met him, I thought, when I was in abject terror long ago. I know I speak of terror here, but I never spoke of it else-wise.
2. I thought of the thread the title of your life, I'd say My Life as a Human Pinata. Lol . Don't think that would sell, no good. Also, pinatas have good things in them.
3. Then I thought, well don't be a sad-sack.
4. Heard at church yesterday we are never alone, but aren't we alone if we are alone? Not sure how that works? I try to be kind to people as I go. Funny, people seem to get so 'stressed' over celebrating/ holidays/ love. I understand if it's a nightmare, but I don't understand as much if it's good. :confused: -?
5. I guess my greatest inclination is to be silent & disappear. At some level I feel I 'contaminate' the space of the normal ones, lol. I've always though, been the type/ had the desire to back away if I'm 'in the way'. Yes, that's it- I very much feel in the way. That's so 'it'. Plus it sucks the life & energy out of me, too.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Thank you @Cj77 , for allowing all my/ such blabbing from me. It's simple enough to be 'possible' to do, but kind, helpful. They say it's a good thing to 'say' it.
2. I love the birds outside.
3. Much to be thankful for, but it's hard to be surrounded by an opposite reality. Not that I'm the only one like that, just that it would be so great to be invisible. To not want to rush through what is beautiful, yet it causes me sadness. But what sadness do I have right to have, when others have less, or I'm not living in terror in this exact moment? That is a real blessing. :notworthy:
4. Hugs to the people here, xox. :hug:
5. Imagine how fractured my logic has to be, that in a moment when there is no abuse & I'm alone in the house, that walkinga long the highway in the dark for hours seems 'better', more safe. :(