General A Different Slant On Mourning The Loss

[Deleted member 5760]

I do agree with CB to some degree. Nobody has looked after me. And now I do have a partner and it's such a relief. However, I do know that being alone helped AND hindered. My god, I've been on the other side of the world and wished for my Mum!

I suppose it boils down to this for me :

I hate the fact that I didn't have a present support system in the aftermath of my trauma. I also, at times, have to stand back and recognise (T's voice in my head) that what I got through by myself says a LOT about how strong I am.

I suppose the answer is somewhere in the middle if you ask me???

I suppose I also have to remind myself that even now my partner doesn't baby me. She's understanding, yes. But I think part of what she understands (I don't want to speak for her - though I hope I'm right) is that I don't like not functioning sometimes. It's horrible for the self esteem of someone who knows they are capable of better. I know I CAN'T some days. I can't 'just get up and dance' -- do I want to : ohhhh yes! I miss it so much :(

 

[amethist]

Oh CB he has pulled the PTSD excuse for not doing anything, LOL. He was told in no uncertain terms to forget that idea, he controls the PTSD not the other way round.

We had a conversation this morning, after keeping the door open for a while, exposure therapy from the beginning again for going outside. I may have found some of the problem of him being able to have the door open and not being able to go out as much as he did.

We have new neighbours and they moved in around 8 weeks ago, which is when it all started to get as bad as it is now. The couple themselves are OK, though we have not go to know them well, as it has only been a short time. The problem lies with their car, a big monster diesel 4x4 Range Rover. It was diesel car transporter turning across his path, causing his accident, followed by PTSD. So the smell and noise of this starting up every morning, then coming back every night, is causing him big anxiety issues. Now leading to worse than before agoraphobia and depression, now it all makes sense.

He was not doing bad at all before this, slowly doing more, and joining in more with different things, going to see his mum and his old friend. He would go to the supermarket with me or occasionally on his own, as well as going for his own milk when needed.

I have always changed the bedding, men putting a double quilt cover on is a site to be seen for anyone who needs a good belly laugh. But him doing it without being asked anyway, would defiantly be the miracle of the century, even before he had his accident. He does do most of the washing up, though sometimes he has to be reminded. His cooking has reduced some what, but that can be got back on track when we start doing the winter soups and stew's.

He has just got up sniffing and coughing, he is in a bit of a state with this, but humorous too, doing the "I need mentholiptus" advert from the TV, and laughing about it too.

I will get back to you on coming to see you though CB, maybe a good change for both of us. If you can control a Doberman on the loose that it is LOL.

Thanks to too you Superjen, I would not baby him either, he would kick me out. He prefers the head on approach, no egg shell walking or fluffy coating stuff, just tell him as it is, sinks in better most times that way.

Will get back to sorting my aromatherapy papers out now, need to read up more oils to use.

Amethist

 

[Iam]

Hi Amethist, I am glad that you two were able to figure out what triggered him. Now he can work on it. Glad he is feeling better too. I can only imagine what it is like for you carers. I know I do much the same to my husband at times. Turn off when he suggests things or just passively say "Yes, Honey" or "You're right, I am sorry" etc. and then do nothing.

You are a wonderful carer and your husband is lucky. Hope that he is able to start going out again soon. Maybe the exposure to the 4x4 will actually end up being a good thing? I hope so.

(((HUGS)))

 

[amethist]

Well what a difference 48 hours can make. Tuesday he was lounging in his pitt of despair and could not see further than the next second and looking backwards constantly. Today he is in a mess with this winter cold bug that is knocking everyone flat round here, ( My turn Saturday as I have planned top go Christmas shopping). This is probably nailed on :rofl:

Yesterday was the first day that he took 0.5mg less of one of his medication, we have been slowly cutting this one back over the last 6 months. The last time we did this he became more alert and less foggy brained as he called it. Today even though he has a streaming cold, aches, pains, shivers, coughing and sneezing everywhere, he is a lot brighter. Joking that I was lucky not to get blown away or come back looking like I had been for a swim in the river when I went out this morning. Only going back to bed on and off all day because he feels so ill with this cold, and not because he is tired.

So we will see what the next few days brings now, maybe reverse rolls if I end up with this cold too. MMM wonder how much I can milk this one. :dontknow: :naughty:

 

[cherryblossom]

Oh, you make sure he keeps his germs to himself amethist, or I think he will be in big trouble. :naughty:

It's good he's recognised the trigger, that has caused his mood to lower. Now at least he can begin some ?exposure therapy, to help get him back on track.