General A Little Unsure

[Sweetpea76]

So my Vet has some hypervigilance issues when it comes to my personal safety. He has me packing three different self defense items in my purse at all times (I drew the line at getting a concealed carry permit). He worries when I'm out alone, etc. It's annoying and endearing at the same time. I sometimes resent being treated like a child and/or wilting flower and get pissed off, but mostly I accept that it is just part of being in a relationship with him.

To combat this I downloaded a GPS app on my phone that lets him track me. I figured that I tell him every where I go anyway, and I don't have anything to hide, so there is no harm. Plus he turned it on his direction too, and I can see where he's at if I wanted to. Also, I told him that it gets deleted the first time he gets upset if I'm offline or have it turned off for some reason. The way I look at it, it's a privilege, not a right.

So far the worst thing he's seen on it is me at a drive through getting fast food when we usually eat clean... and then he asked me to get him something too. :facepalm:

Anyway, I was having a girls night at a friend's house and he texted saying "I see you're still at so-and-so's, can you get some beer on the way home?" My friends seemed horrified that I let him "LoJack" me. I don't see anything wrong with it... but it does give me pause that everybody thinks it is creepy and stalkerish.

Am I missing something?

 

[Zef]

My first reaction is that do you feel it is creepy or stalkerish? Are you uncomfortable with it? In a broader sense, do you set boundaries when his symptoms infringe on you?

If you are OK with this, then that is what matters. If you become not-OK with it in the future, then you can set the boundary at that point.

 

[Peach]

The "It's a privilege, not a right" sounds good to me. As per usual, I think they probably don't grasp the full extent of the situation.

LOL Busted at the Chick!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don't think it's creepy because he has PTSD and the hypervig issues that are a legit symptom. If he was scared I was out cheating and he wanted to catch me at a seedy motel it'd be one thing... He's afraid I'm dead in a ditch or kidnapped. To me, it just seemed like an easy way for him to feel better.

I guess if he was "healthy" it would be creepy or kinda weird.

@Peach it was a White Castle... The sliders were calling my name!

 

[nursenurse]

I just wonder if that is not feeding into it more instead of him dealing with his hyper vigilance in a healthier way, whatever that may be. As someone said, it has to be whatever works for you, with appropriate boundaries, but from the outside looking in I am not sure how healthy for him in the long run this is, and will you come to resent it at some point regardless of uncrossed boundaries? Just something to think about.

 

[Sighs]

I think this is one of those "inside the PTSD bubble" vs "outside the PTSD bubble" issues.

For people outside the PTSD bubble - it comes across as very controlling, maybe almost abusive, like he's treating you like property because why would he need to know where you are at all times?

For those inside the PTSD bubble - it lets him know where to find your body. (:p Humour intended, not offence!)

I wouldn't worry about what your friends think. If you know that he's not controlling in an abusive way, he's simply overly concerned for your physical safety due to his PTSD symptoms then I don't see it as an issue.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Find the body... Or what trunk I'm tied up in!

I never thought about it fueling the fire @nursenurse... That's a good point. I was just hoping he'd feel a bit more relaxed if he could see where I was if he was worried. I never thought about the possibility it could make him MORE watchful.

 

[Friday]

It's creepy and stalkerish if he didn't have your permission.
It's abusive and controlling if he was forcing you to do it.

IMO... It's like sex. Enthusiastic Participation? Ain't rape or coercion.

***
As far as fueling? 6:1, half a dozen of another.

Back before there were apps for this? My ex wrote some of the code that does this (in the mega server farms, and yes this is why I now have the stalker from hell. I can't use any kind of mobile network securely, he has NSA level access to all things mobile phone in the US, AU, & Portugal; way more than there are apps for :banghead: ). Back on target... I used it to track my son on the slopes. And when he was out on play dates, or being babysat, or on field trips. :happy: So. Utterly. Relaxing. It was simply this huge weight of the unknown off my shoulders.

Conversely? My (abusive) then-husband also used it to track me, and if the signal DID cut out while my son was out and about? <insert heart attack here> Until I got used to the occasional drop in service. So there are definite downsides, as well. Even so? Personally the upsides were worth it to me.

***
LOL... As far as your friends?

In the very high-tech town I live in? Not only do I not know a kid whose phone doesn't have the apps installed, but most of the parents I know found it so durn useful with their kids, that they installed the programs on their own phones for their partners. It's super duper normal in my area / has become a way of life very quickly. From kids to parents to uber drivers (taxis, essentially, you text uber your address and then you get a down to the meter location of your taxi coming to pick you up)... Almost everyone I know en familia uses it, as do about 2/3s of the college students at my uni.

My town is -on average- about 2 years ahead of the rest of the country as far as tech goes. Everyone here had mobile phones, while the rest of the country refused to be "leashed", kids in schools had tablets, fit bits were used in rehab, etc. Give it a couple years, tops, Sweetpea... And all your friends are gonna be "Oh! I loooooooove how connected this lets us be!" :p

 

[Sweetpea76]

Thanks @FridayJones... That does make me feel better.

I guess it can't be that creepy if it was my idea. We'll just have to see how things progress. I work in multiple locations that vary day to day, and a few have zero cell reception in the building or crappy wifi service. He knows this, and I've never heard a peep about the tracker being offline. I'm hoping it stays a chill thing, or that over time he may even get bored with it.

If he starts being an ass about it, I'll delete it faster than he can say "WTF?"

It just seemed like a no brainer to me until I heard there may be a creep factor.

 

[scout86]

@Sweetpea76 , you're pretty cool! You know that, right?

But, I can imagine running this past my T and having him look at me over the top of his glasses and saying, "You MIGHT want to find a better way to look at that.) :bag:

As long as it's not a problem for either of you, it doesn't seem like it would be a problem. How big a problem IS it for your husband? Is this something he's otherwise trying to deal with?

 

[Friday]

It just seemed like a no brainer to me until I heard there may be a creep factor.

Murphey's Laws of Combat

# If it looks stupid, but works? It ain't stupid.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

And all your friends are gonna be "Oh! I loooooooove how connected this lets us be!" :p

Set up the broadband for a gig in SF in '9X. Participants were all the top tech and bank people. Only 200. Me a lowly tech providing. They had rings that had all your data, and smart as anything to keep you safe. And wanted about $400 a month per person to keep us all safe.