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A lot i haven’t told my therapist after over two years

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I have said this in a lot of posts, but feel the need to say it again. Please be very careful when you share. It took me a couple decades to just seek treatment. Then months and months before I "shared." the counselor knew I had something painful to share. the counselor's response was not good or helpful to me and hurt me. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I didn't cause the therapist's reaction, though they said it was my fault and that I did not deserve care. this reaction to my sharing about the "event" caused an enormous upheaval in my life. It has taken over a year to come to understand what happened to me in that one session. So everyone says, "therapist are trained to hear it" and "therapy is the place to share,"-- but I would like to offer a very real possibility is you won't get the response you may hope for. This counselor has all the right "letters' after their name, too, and years of --experience. So I did think it was all my fault since I already knew I was a horrible person----no, the truth is therapists are people who have their own crap and generalize people, & judge people based on their appearance & speech patterns, and they get triggered with stuff, too. There's nothing wrong with going slowly and hopefully you will know when you are truly safe to share. Best wishes
 
My first T I told nothing. My second T I told a little bit, but he wasn't the right T for me and it never went further. My third T, I told her there were things to say but I couldn't say them. She was great. We spent time talking about talking. Like she'd ask, what would happen if you told me? This helped build a groundwork of trust and mutual understanding. I really think it's a great way to go. I still didn't tell her bu it got me closer. then I began telling her bits and pieces. Mostly through email.

I think @hithere's experience is an exception, but they do have a point. There are going to be bad Ts out there, and sadly that's what happened to @hithere. The fact that their T blamed them for telling is definitely the sign of a bad T. However there is also has to be the right relationship. My second T, he just wasn't good with trauma stuff. The stuff I did tell, I felt invalidated. It's not that he intentionally invalidated, he just didn't get it in the way I needed him too. And while he never said to not talk about stuff, he seemed uncomfortable which shut me down. My current T (the third one) is outstanding and does great. She's been focusing on trauma issues forever and experienced her own trauma.

So, maybe find some ways to test the waters on telling and then go at your own pace and don't rush things.
 
I told her everything but there are some things about me I don't say? As much as I've been able that's all I can say? Being secretive is like part of it? I don't think what I have not said has hindered us, and I don't feel bad or like I failed at all? Part of it is, I know what she'd say and I don't want to listen to her lol? It's like all relationships it has a power dynamic and I want to hold onto my power in certain things? IDK if that's right? I just know, for me, sometimes it's better not to say certain things. I used to get myself into so much hot water because I thought I had to tell everyone everything lol or I was being dishonest. I was being an idiot is more like it. Self harm through honesty lol! Don't shoot you self in the foot if you don't have to, it hurts!
 
My first T I told nothing. My second T I told a little bit, but he wasn't the right T for me and it never went further. My third T, I told her there were things to say but I couldn't say them. She was great.
I am on my third therapist now too. He's great, it's not going perfectly, but I didn't expect it too. Sometimes I feel like goldilocks and the 3 therapists! :roflmao:
 
This is truly a sad post. I am very sorry you had to go through this. I think even if you were exploring your sexuality as a child, NO ADULT HAD THE RIGHT TO take advantage of that. I feel your pain and I truly empathize with you. I also think you truly cannot share all your life with anyone especially one you see once a week...so do not beat yourself up. However, if you are carrying this story in your consciousness level, it can get heavy. You can say to your therapist. I just want to tell you but I do not want to deal with it. That way you can just say and store it in the therapy space until you are ready again. by saying it or even bringing up you have something you have been carrying it for while, may honestly just loosen the load.
 
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