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A Lot Of Stuff Building Up...

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abbynormal1929

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Around 2011 I slipped into a major depressive episode, and it took 2 years to regain any functionality. Since then I've gotten married to a woman who has a child with autism. Lately a lot of stressors have been building up: Money, work, childcare, being without a counselor, surgery later this month, and just being home all day alone... the list goes on. Point being I feel that depressive, hopeless feeling comming back. I'm using all of the coping skills I know to keep myself going, but I feel like I'm slowly being worn down. I haven't gotten to sucidal ideation yet, but I'm feeling most of the other symptoms.

I didn't have any responsibility when I was in my major depression before. Now I have a wife, and stepdaughter. The stakes are higher, which means the stress is higher, and I'm worried I'll fall harder if I do. Comments are welcome.
 
Get back in therapy ASAP!
You have deep insight to your symptoms and know where this is headed.

Ifmoney is a problem..start searching now for help.

Was there a anti depressant that helped? Possibly you could go to your family dr and get that started now.

I understand this kind of depression and it is a Bitch to work back from.

So proud you reached out. Give yourself a lot of credit for that kind of courage.

Gentle hugs if you accept.
 
I'm in a similar scenario in terms of feeling like the waves are crashing in (no job, wicked debt, isolated, toxic FOO, managing my mom's affairs, health issues, CPTSD - no therapist, no insurance.....). I've tried the following and they've been quite helpful when I've been persistent in applying them:

1) Acknowledge and accept what is going on and what options are available. I have done many a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analyses of my life in the past several years and it has helped me to stay present and focused (still struggling, by leading with my chin). I see that I have opportunities and strengths now, and I see some solutions for threats, while paying homage to my weaknesses. I created my own 12 step slogan - where there's a will, there's a work-around. Little things like tweaking a thought can make a profound difference.

2) Evaluate each day on a 20 point scale. Some days I will make it to 18, some days I will make it to 6. The point is that I'm addressing a small window of time ( a day) and being compassionate with myself, knowing all that I have on top of me. Self acceptance and knowing I can't do everything every day (it's okay not to be a 20 every day!), that issues will not all magically resolve themselves, and that I'm creating my own map with a few random markers along the way are all key. The Serenity Prayer gives good direction here. Do what you can today and leave the rest for tomorrow or give what you need to give to your higher power and let it go.

3) Keep a list each day of what is accomplished (kind of goes hand-in-hand with #2. This helps when the self-criticism and negative self-talk pop up. With the list comes evidence to support arguments to the contrary.

4) In acknowledging and writing down what is accomplished each day, then gratitude can enter the conversation. Gratitude builds upon itself and brings in light to edge out the darkness. It can help reframe your thinking if not your situation. Paraphrasing a Bible verse - Where the mind goes, the man follows. If you're connected to the positives, then that is the direction in which you will move.

5) Being mindful is essential. When you are aware of your thoughts and feelings, you can redirect your thinking, or maybe your thoughts can manage your emotions or even broker a peace between the two. This also helps with dispelling the never and forever lies. It helps to acknowledge that things are the way they are for today or maybe for a season, but not for an eternity. You learn to think about life in terms of days and not years. We don't know that we have years or even weeks, so if I have just one day then I want to live it fully present.

6) It also helps to eat well, rest, and exercise. Walking in nature has been especially helpful for me.

I'm still very much in the process of applying these to my life each day. I'm sure there are many more approaches and helpful ideas shared out here on the Forum, and hope that others will share their experience, strength and hope with you. For me, it's been about reframing a lot of thinking, applying it to my life, leaning deeply on my faith, and just taking it one day at a time. Hoping the best for you. VB
 
I'm already still on meds, and i'm trying to work out something with the local mental health clinic to get back into counseling cause they don't take my new insurance. (Been in counseling till my previous counselor left, and this new insurance started) Thank you for the support. I also need to work on advocating for myself more, I tend to have trouble with that.
 
The answer is Love selflessly your wife and daughter. Read about autism, maybe a family guidebook about children with autism. Find out how to cope when they can't. What helps them? There are things you can do that can help you too. When you love and care for people, it helps you feel better about you too. I know when I help other people, even on this site, I feel better. And care for you too in simple ways like a walk, a good diet, enjoying time to reflect on the day quietly. God bless your family.
 
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