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A story - Fukushima escapee mutant arachnid.

(Not certain where to post this)

Some days ago when I first started to get sick I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to fix myself a convoluted cup of coffee. I had the energy of a half-dead slug so this was way more effort than usual.

I turned to go to the fridge to get my coffee stuff when I spotted, to my dismay, a big, hideous, long-legged spider. I start to freak out but it ran under the fridge.

I kind of shrugged; “f*ck it, he can live under there.”

Well, he (it?) decided it was a better idea to shoot out from under the fridge and run right at me.

Cue me screaming like a banshee!

I ran to get the broom and did gird my loins to battle the Fukushima-escapee mutant arachnid.
WHACK! WHACK! I smacked it with the broom. Hard!

WHACK! WHACK! A battle cry befitting my ancestors came from my lips. (Probably.)

I’m screaming the whole time and the spider didn’t die. This made me freak out more. “”f*ck! IT’S NOT DYING!!!” Ew ew! I smacked it several more times. It was an epic battle.

Finally, it was dead but in that gross way spiders die; legs curled up. 🤮

I was too freaked out to get rid of the corpse so I simply grabbed my coffee, bolted with it to my office in tears. My (formerly) dead phobia came roaring back. I blame being unwell. I totally overreacted.

Anyway, finally my husband found me and tearfully, I told him everything so he went to go give the creature a “burial at sea” (flushed down the toilet.)

He came back and said “it’s not there.” Horrified for a second, I thought it was a zombie and had crawled away!

Nope, our cat had eaten it LOL. Dead spiders are tasty treats for cats, apparently. I don’t know how the hell she found it so quickly?! It was mere minutes. Too bad she didn’t come when I was yelling and assassinate it for me!

You’re welcome, kitty. 🤢
 
One of the jungles I hiked through, a million years ago, the locals (people) ate the big whomping local spiders. 🤮🤢🫣

I'm told? They taste just like crab.

Nope! Crab is delicious. Spiders are horrifying. Full stop.


🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀
I saw something like that in a documentary. Like, in Brazil or somewhere the indigenous peoples catch like a Goliath bird-eating spider and toss it, live on a fire. The spider body does gross shit in the heat and then the people om nom nom. I about passed the f*ck out watching that lol.
 
I am open to it, and generally will try things at least once (note generally. I am against rocky mountain oysters).

I also love spiders. I don't fool with venomous ones for the sake of my furry friends, but I enjoy them. Have you ever seen some of their beautiful intricate webs? To be fair, there are few things I abhor and typically learn to love every little living thing.
 
I am open to it, and generally will try things at least once (note generally. I am against rocky mountain oysters).

I also love spiders. I don't fool with venomous ones for the sake of my furry friends, but I enjoy them. Have you ever seen some of their beautiful intricate webs? To be fair, there are few things I abhor and typically learn to love every little living thing.
I held a tarantula once (with my eyes closed lol.)
 
I have held a tarantula! They're very chill. Just be careful because if you upset them they can launch spikes and shit. They usually won't though bc they're calm. I have serious entomophobia (even little things like ants and fruit flies bother me) but some reason not arachnophobia. Spiders are homies.
 
I have held a tarantula! They're very chill. Just be careful because if you upset them they can launch spikes and shit. They usually won't though bc they're calm. I have serious entomophobia (even little things like ants and fruit flies bother me) but some reason not arachnophobia. Spiders are homies.
You know what my paradox is? I love snakes. Okay, I ain’t getting fresh with a pit viper or rattlesnake. I’m not that foolish. Mostly.
 
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