Childhood Abusive Mother Harassing Me

[Deleted member 29920]

I'm 31,my biological mother sexually abused me from the age of four to the age of nine. I haven't spoken to her for six years. She keeps somehow finding where I live whenever I move house. What can I do to stop her finding me when I move house again?

 

[digger]

She keeps somehow finding where I live whenever I move house. What can I do to stop her finding me when I move house again?

I guess you need to find out how she's getting the information, or who she's getting it from. If it keeps happening then it's likely someone you both know is passing that information on to her. Do you have any ideas or suspicions about how she is getting the information? Because I guess figuring that out is the way to stop it happening again.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I am not in contact with anyone she knows, I'm practically a recluse and have been for about seven years. I think she might be getting it through the council because the way she writes my address when she sends letters/cards is the exact same way that the council tax /benefits office types it(with an extra unnecessary zero before my door number) and no one else who writes to me types it that way. I know if someone at the council was telling her it that it would be against the data protection act but she seems to wangle her way into many things. She has narcissistic and psychopathic traits. Her new husband even has friends who are millionaires. I am considering asking the director of the council offices but I don't want them to feel like I'm accusing them.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

If you are on the electoral register anyone can buy a copy of the edited version for £50. Make sure you say that you don't want your details to appear on the salable version.

I'd also write to the council forbidding then to give ANY information to your mother, if necessary send them a solicitors letter. At the moment there is nothing to stop her tracing you by using the 'but I'm her mother' tactic.

Hope this helps.

 

[illusionist]

When you receive letters from her send them back with ' no longer living at this address'.....May be enough to stop her sending more, at your present address.

 

[digger]

Sounds like you maybe need to go down the legal route then. Have you looked at getting a court order to stop her contacting you?

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Or change your name by Deed Poll?

 

[Born to Run]

Is she writing only or also calling you? I have trashed incoming letters and not taken any phone calls from my mother. Zero response from your side will make it stop. It is haunting though that she gets your details without your knowledge. Also do not get listed in the phone directory if that is possible in the UK.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thank you all for your helpful advice, I think the best thing would be to try to get a court order to stop her, I have been considering changing my name too, surely there's no way she could find me if I have a new name???
Police said if I make a full statement about the abuse she subjected me to it would give them more power to stop her contacting me. The only problem with doing that is they will question family members if they suspected /saw the sexual abuse take place but none of them witnessed it, she only ever done it when I was alone with her. I was a very shy, quiet girl but that doesn't prove anything. I have no evidence except the psychological damage she caused.

 

[tinyleaves]

My mother did the same thing when I lived with my father. She traced where I was living by way of utility bills and my name on them. That's how she (or the detective she hired or whatever) found me. A restraining order is a good measure. I also don't think changing your name would hurt as this would change the name on billing/other documents but I'm not 100% positive. The best thing to do is to remove/hide ANY phone numbers of friends/other relatives you know (because she may harass them about you), change usernames/emails she knows etc for good measure (or block her) or create new accounts.

Deed poll change is UK right? If I recall, there's no trace/evidence of a name change if you go through with it right? I know this all sounds extreme but it's what I've learned when dealing with a stalker narcissist/psychopathic mother.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Hi @tinyleaves, thanks for the help, I am in uk (Scotland). I phoned Victim Support a few weeks ago and they advised me to get an interdict against her. I went to a solicitor and they sent her a letter basically telling her to stay away from me. If she continues then I will find out about getting a court order to stop her harassing me. It's been 2 weeks since the letter and so far she hasn't attemped to contact me. I am sorry you are having the same kind of problem. Sorry this is a short message, I have to go take care of some Things now.

 

[Lucycat]

she only ever done it when I was alone with her.

I appreciate I am a bit late here and you have already got an Interdict. Well done for being proactive - and I hope it helps.

I just wanted to add that I had no witnesses to the childhood abuse I suffered either. However it turned out I was not the only victim. So, although nobody saw it there were numerous other girls (cousins and friends) who corroborated by giving a very similar story to my own. I would never have gone to the Police myself, and it was a very brave cousin who blew the whistle. It worked and my abuser - my father- served a jail sentence and is now on the Sex Offenders register for life.