Acceptance?

[Iwillsurvive1101]

I have been diagnosed with c-ptsd, icd, adhd and anerexia , but I was recently diagnosed with DID since then it has been complete and utter chaos in my home. As of right now I have 13 "selves". In a way it has explained so many gaps in holes in my personality and my life in general. But it has also turned my entire reality upside down. And I questioning everything... down to if I am even real. Not my physical being... but myself as in "my" personality. I have to dominant alters who I transition to at least once a day. But it leaves me so exhausted.

I have been getting mass migrains, chronic pain, muscle spasms, dizziness, heart palpitations and to top it of I had a seizure the other day. I know alot of this plays off of my ptsd but I have noticed sone of this are taking effect before or after transitions. I feel so utterly lost and confused and dont know how to cope. Any suggestions? I dont know where else to go and I dont know anyone who could even possibly relate to what, how, or why I am feeling what I am. I feel like a mad person

 

[Abstract]

You are not mad. You have merely experienced great harm and have imaginatively found a way to survive. In a very creative and resourceful way. Maybe it is not surprising that so many physical symptoms come with transitions. It is a great disruption to your functioning and I am sure there is a lot of processing going on. And maybe some of those parts are frozen traumatised selves stuck in fight and flight and easily distressed. I hope you find some peace soon.

Have you read up on structural dissociation theory? I always imagine it would help with understanding.

I just wanted to add to be very patient and kind to yourself around acceptance. It can take a long time.

 

[Iwillsurvive1101]

I havent. I have been doing alot of research on all of this. I recently had an affair. And couldn't remember what or why it had happened. I thought it was my ptsd not realky understanding my blackouts haven't really been black out but DID. so I have been journaling trying at least reading forums, blogs, books and watching videos. But the biggest problem is all of this triggers me. And u am so drained it takes all my strength to function through the day

 

[Iwillsurvive1101]

And I starting to feel my anger. Probably the first time ever. But maddi and "the bad one" feed it intensely. I have never been and angry person. But as of lately I an furious and I just want to punch the closest object to me

 

[mytai]

Hey @Iwillsurvive1101 . I used to live with someone with DID. No judgement here, just understanding from an outsider looking in.

If you feel the need to punch something, pillows are AMAZING for that. Or if you have the funds available, one of those blow up punching stands that bounces back after you hit it. Honestly, it is great whether you are angry or even just stressed. It does wonders for releasing everything.

I used to have a punching bag and I couldn't feel anger, but I could feel frustration with myself. So I would punch it until I cried. It kept me "sane".

We are here for you if you need to vent, ask questions, or just need support.

 

[GingerAli]

All the symptoms you are describing sound pretty typical for DID. I know it's hard and frustrating, but it's good you know and hang in there. We are here to help you.

The migraines are pretty darn normal, as can be the other symptoms. I would encourage you to look at and be careful with meds because they can negatively affect different parts. I hope you are able to see a therapist that has a good amount of experience with DID. you can actually get to the point where all the parts work together or reintegrate. Some people have more difficulty than others with this. But I hope for the best for you.