Acceptance

[Rumors]

I often make notes through out the week of things I'd like to bring up but once I get there and p...

I often do the same thing. I don't know if it is some form of disassociation or what, but I sometimes just tell the facts, in monotone, usually without any feelings attached, and then just move on.
My t sometimes asks, "how do you feel about that..." which always is a mind f*ck for me.. Feel? Or she says "what else is there..what more is going on there.." I don't always have an answer but it usually makes me think and then I carry it out of there and try and figure out what I do feel. Then, if I have a need to cry, be sad, or have some other raw emotion I don't do in public, I can "feel" all of that without fear of feeling worse bc I had a melt down in front of her.
It's crazy how we protect ourselves unknowingly. Sitting with it takes practice. Start with some things that are a little more benign before jumping into the ring of fire and doom.. Good luck!

 

[Hopefully]

My t sometimes asks, "how do you feel about that..." which always is a mind f*ck for me.. Feel?

Yes! That is exactly how it is! You want me to feel something? I have no idea how to do that! She must have got so fed up with the amount of questions I answered with "I don't know". But, like with you, the questions do help, they definitely linger and are things I think on afterwards, I guess as you say, when it feels safer to do so, when I am on my own. It would be great to have those emotions to follow but I think that is where the denial and diminishing behaviour kicks in, if I tell myself it wasn't a big deal I don't have to face those feelings.

I think the fact I can recognise this shows the benefits therapy has had, still so much to do, but at least I know what it is I have to do.

It's crazy how we protect ourselves unknowingly. Sitting with it takes practice.

I've protected myself so well I didn't even know I was doing it, it is odd but fascinating when you start understanding why you have developed behaviours, that everything is linked and originates back at the trauma. I hope to be able to sit with it one day.

 

[Rumors]

Yes! That is exactly how it is! You want me to feel something? I have no idea how to do that! She...

So just realizing these things truly means your ARE sitting with your feelings. Think about it,my ou are acknowledging that you feel uncomfortable and that it is hard and makes you feel anxious. You are in fact discussing feelings. Great job...
My epitaph will read, "I don't know"..... I can so relate to that... Hang in there!

 

[Hopefully]

So just realizing these things truly means your ARE sitting with your feelings. Think about it,my ou are...

Thank you @Rumors you are right, there are feelings there, I just don't like them and know there are more to explore as well which is really daunting. It is so frustrating when it feels like the only thing holding you back it yourself but not being able to do anything about it.