So, i've already read a lot of threads here in this forum regarding the same argument, glad to know at least i'm not the only one with the same issue.
A bit of background: I've been dating this girl since around January 2022, i knew her since August of 2021, but we never decided to talk for as long as we did this year.
I will be honest, this is seriously the first time i am falling in love so much with someone. I didn't have many relationships back in my life because i always felt i couldn't relate the way i wanted with a potential partner, but with this girl everything is different. She understands me so much and i understand her in the same way, we discuss a lot of topics we both love regarding philosophy, music, politics and many, many others, and we are literally able to stay together for so much time per day without even being aware of it.
I literally feel like this person is and will be one of the greatest love of my life.
At this moment of life, we are not actually in a relationship. We somekind love each other, but at the same time she is scared to start a relationship because she is not sure of how to handle it, and i genuinely respect that, i've always been extremely patient to her, to her needs regarding his mental health situation and everything else, and i always felt she was in a safe place when talking and staying with me. I also always supported her in any way possible for her future, her life plans, being romantic aswell and extremely caring, and she loves that. This is afterall, for the most, my love language.
Until one day. I was a bit upset regarding something that happened few days before, i don't want to tell too much details for privacy, but it was something regarding what she told me and what she did, and i felt like teased and manipulated by that.
I decided to express my emotions, not in an attempt of telling her off, but to just let her know how i felt and talk about that. I believe that in these cases communication is the key to keep a healthy relationship between the two parts (actually not a relationship but yeee you got the point).
She went somekind of mad after that. To be honest i didn't expect that, but she was extremely upset and angry after i told those things, and i was a bit of shaken for it aswell.
I clarified that there was no intention to harm her of telling her off, as i said before, and she understood, but on an emotional level she told me that i literally hurt her and she had no clue how to react to that. She now feels unsafe to talk and stay with me and doesn't know how to overcome that.
I was literally shocked when i first hear that. I had no clue of what was going on, i felt safe to talk to her and express my emotions, i literally couldn't expect a reaction like that, but at this moment of life i feel like everything i did to support her, to make her feel safe and understood, to motivate her and let her feel my love, has been completely shattered away by those few meaningless words.
I didn't know she had PTSD, i don't know if she knew either and i'm not sure she has it, but i feel like every symptoms, reactions and emotions can relate to that.
She told me that she didn't want to talk with me in a cold and detached way because she doesn't feel it natural, as she prefer to be playful and loving when staying with me, so i decided to let her alone for a while to let the thing go by.
She told me also that she still cares about me, even if we are getting some temporary distance and not talking as we always did, that's why she is telling such stuffs, and i honestly cried when heard about that because, before that, i felt that everything was falling down and there was nothing i could do about that, and i was so much scared to lose her forever.
She is someone special for me, i've never met someone so important in my entire life, and i can tell this is the same feeling for her.
So yeah, this is the situation. It has been almost 3 weeks after that and the situation hasn't changed at all. I don't know anything anymore about her life, except for what she posts on social media, which is extremely rare at this point since i believe she is blocking me from viewing her stories on Instagram.
I don't know what to expect to be honest, she told me that she won't disappear and ghost me, that this is not a goodbye but just a "little" break to let the emotions settle, but at the same time she has no clue and no idea of how to overcome that, as she said to me.
This kind of uncertainty is literally consuming me at the moment. It was way worse on the first days of April and right now i feel much better, but still i'm not feeling ok at all. I'm just scared that she will never recover as she has no idea of how to do that, and that all we spent together, every experience, everything we did and said to each other will be gone forever.
And there is literally nothing i can do about that.
So yeah, i just really really hope this thing will settle by, i don't know how much time it will require, i have literally no idea.
I've read that some people took over 8 months to fully recover from a trauma trigger, while some took barely 1 month, but i can't tell how much severe this is for her.
I just hope this won't last for too long, i really really miss her and i just want to tell her how much i love her and care about her, and that everything will be back to normal after that.
I'm not hoping for her traumas to disappear, but at this point i know so much more about the argument that i genuinely want talk to her about that, to prevent similar situations to ever happen again, to set boundaries so that i can be extremely careful when approaching those particular arguments in the future.
So yes, that's all, i guess
A bit of background: I've been dating this girl since around January 2022, i knew her since August of 2021, but we never decided to talk for as long as we did this year.
I will be honest, this is seriously the first time i am falling in love so much with someone. I didn't have many relationships back in my life because i always felt i couldn't relate the way i wanted with a potential partner, but with this girl everything is different. She understands me so much and i understand her in the same way, we discuss a lot of topics we both love regarding philosophy, music, politics and many, many others, and we are literally able to stay together for so much time per day without even being aware of it.
I literally feel like this person is and will be one of the greatest love of my life.
At this moment of life, we are not actually in a relationship. We somekind love each other, but at the same time she is scared to start a relationship because she is not sure of how to handle it, and i genuinely respect that, i've always been extremely patient to her, to her needs regarding his mental health situation and everything else, and i always felt she was in a safe place when talking and staying with me. I also always supported her in any way possible for her future, her life plans, being romantic aswell and extremely caring, and she loves that. This is afterall, for the most, my love language.
Until one day. I was a bit upset regarding something that happened few days before, i don't want to tell too much details for privacy, but it was something regarding what she told me and what she did, and i felt like teased and manipulated by that.
I decided to express my emotions, not in an attempt of telling her off, but to just let her know how i felt and talk about that. I believe that in these cases communication is the key to keep a healthy relationship between the two parts (actually not a relationship but yeee you got the point).
She went somekind of mad after that. To be honest i didn't expect that, but she was extremely upset and angry after i told those things, and i was a bit of shaken for it aswell.
I clarified that there was no intention to harm her of telling her off, as i said before, and she understood, but on an emotional level she told me that i literally hurt her and she had no clue how to react to that. She now feels unsafe to talk and stay with me and doesn't know how to overcome that.
I was literally shocked when i first hear that. I had no clue of what was going on, i felt safe to talk to her and express my emotions, i literally couldn't expect a reaction like that, but at this moment of life i feel like everything i did to support her, to make her feel safe and understood, to motivate her and let her feel my love, has been completely shattered away by those few meaningless words.
I didn't know she had PTSD, i don't know if she knew either and i'm not sure she has it, but i feel like every symptoms, reactions and emotions can relate to that.
She told me that she didn't want to talk with me in a cold and detached way because she doesn't feel it natural, as she prefer to be playful and loving when staying with me, so i decided to let her alone for a while to let the thing go by.
She told me also that she still cares about me, even if we are getting some temporary distance and not talking as we always did, that's why she is telling such stuffs, and i honestly cried when heard about that because, before that, i felt that everything was falling down and there was nothing i could do about that, and i was so much scared to lose her forever.
She is someone special for me, i've never met someone so important in my entire life, and i can tell this is the same feeling for her.
So yeah, this is the situation. It has been almost 3 weeks after that and the situation hasn't changed at all. I don't know anything anymore about her life, except for what she posts on social media, which is extremely rare at this point since i believe she is blocking me from viewing her stories on Instagram.
I don't know what to expect to be honest, she told me that she won't disappear and ghost me, that this is not a goodbye but just a "little" break to let the emotions settle, but at the same time she has no clue and no idea of how to overcome that, as she said to me.
This kind of uncertainty is literally consuming me at the moment. It was way worse on the first days of April and right now i feel much better, but still i'm not feeling ok at all. I'm just scared that she will never recover as she has no idea of how to do that, and that all we spent together, every experience, everything we did and said to each other will be gone forever.
And there is literally nothing i can do about that.
So yeah, i just really really hope this thing will settle by, i don't know how much time it will require, i have literally no idea.
I've read that some people took over 8 months to fully recover from a trauma trigger, while some took barely 1 month, but i can't tell how much severe this is for her.
I just hope this won't last for too long, i really really miss her and i just want to tell her how much i love her and care about her, and that everything will be back to normal after that.
I'm not hoping for her traumas to disappear, but at this point i know so much more about the argument that i genuinely want talk to her about that, to prevent similar situations to ever happen again, to set boundaries so that i can be extremely careful when approaching those particular arguments in the future.
So yes, that's all, i guess