Addictive tendencies in online sexual play

[whiteraven]

he said

The key words here. You actually don't and can't know how he feels. You only know what he says, and that may not be the truth.

Please just be careful.

 

[chihayafuru]

@whiteraven pi (an ai robot) said he's gaslighting me and being emotionally abusive. saying he's just being calm and rational as a way of making me feel emotional and irrational.
it feels like he's using the whole consent and boundaries against me

 

[Sideways]

said he's gaslighting me and being emotionally abusive. saying he's just being calm and rational as a way of making me feel emotional and irrational.

That’s a lot to read into an online dynamic.

it feels like he's using the whole consent and boundaries against me

He is.
That’s how boundaries work.

 

[chihayafuru]

@Sideways i'm confused what you mean by the second thing you said.

 

[Sideways]

Boundaries are a limit that you put on the way people interact with you. So, yes, they necessarily ‘get held against you’ by anyone who is respectful of those boundaries.

 

[chihayafuru]

He admitted what he did was abuse after I confronted him again though it took a bit of pushing. But he doesn't know why he did it, how can you abuse someone and not even know why???
I'm struggling to cope with it all.

 

[chihayafuru]

Been in an online relationship with a guy for months, he's generally been really supportive and our conversations weren't always sexual. I've become really attached to him. But I've just accepted that he was abusive. I made a whole thread explaining it more in the relationship forum.
I decided to at least have a break from him.
I feel really overwhelmed with it all, I've been getting self harm urges again.
Just looking for support.
Not coping.

 

[chihayafuru]

i'm starting to wonder if he really feels anything for anyone else. how can you care about someone but then not care when they feel faint

 

[Friday]

i'm starting to wonder if he really feels anything for anyone else. how can you care about someone but then not care when they feel faint

Pretty easily.

If someone I know and care about (family, friend, colleague, etc.) feels faint for a moment? And it passes? I’m absolutely unconcerned. It happens. It passes. The only reason I’d become concerned was if it was a pattern indicating something else, that they should seek medical attention for. If, however, it’s a well understood pattern? Like they have low blood pressure, or are hypoglycemic, or startle/panic easily, etc.? I’m back to being totally unconcerned.

Similar to if I see someone barefoot and their toes and feet have clearly been broken multiple times, and are covered in bleeding blisters? I’m going to be concerned, until I find out they’re a ballet dancer. Ah. Okay. Totally normal, for you, then.

Everyone has their list of “things” they deal with.

A lot of people deal with feeling faint, for a lot of different reasons. If someone tells me they have sexual trauma, and suffer from panic attacks, feeling faint, etc. around sexual activity? I’m going to feel absolutely zero concern if they have a panic attack, or start feeling faint, etc. when engaging in sex. Because they’ve already told me, that’s normal for them. Okay. No big deal. Just something you deal with. Copy.

 

[chihayafuru]

@Friday
what if they were doing something you went on at them until they did it and they felt faint

 

[chihayafuru]

While this guy sounds like a POS

so why do you think this?

 

[OliveJewel]

why do you think this

If you consider yourself abused often the abuser is seen as a POS, in my experience.